To think that commenting on DS's small stature is NOT on?

[Azrael]

We live in a building block and meet our neighbours regularly for dinners etc. They're nice, friendly, good cooks. DS is 19 months old and small (2nd percentile) but meets all his milestones perfectly (walking, talking, ...). I breastfed him for 8 months, he eats loads, his milk allergy is resolving. Neighours' DS is 14 months old and exactly the same height as our DS.

It took me hours of research and reading threads on mumsnet to understand that DS's current small stature is fine. He is growing slowly now but he will grow faster later. Maybe when he's 5 or 8 or 15 he'll have a growth spurt and will be a normal height (DP and I are both exactly the average height for a British male and female I found out!). I have stopped thinking that there is an issue with my child's height.

YET when my neighbour said the other day 'oh how cute both our kids are wearing the same cardigan, I think ours is actually even the same size because...' and there she let her voice trail and was on her way to the lift.

I don't think she meant to hurt me but she just couldn't help rubbing my nose in the, yes, currently oddly small stature of DS.

AIBU for thinking she totally lacks emotional intelligence and empathy?

I certainly wouldn't tell a parent of a child with say bad eczema on the face 'oh our son is wearing the same tshirt as yours but the colours suit him better because...'.

My DS is tall and at the age of 3 strangers often assume he's a good 18 mths older than he actually is. We always get told "he's tall isn't he?" Like we hadn't noticed. I usually beam with pride and say something like "i know, brilliant isn't it?" as he's a sensitive little soul and I think it makes him feel a little awkward.
It is just people making a casual observation though and tbf they are right, he is tall and will probably get called a lot worse in his life.
I think yabu to think your neighbour was trying to rub your nose in it.

So fabulous to read all these comments. Made me realise (well I've always known if I'm honest) that I have an issue with height myself.

As RoadtoTuopeka says, I am reading in my neighbour's comment my own insecurities about DS's height.

Well, this thread has certainly helped me re-think my insecurities and (try to) overcome them. I'll also arm myself with ready-made sentences - love the 'yes he's [insert size of baby], briliiant isn't it?' from Burmobasher.

I laughed so hard discovering an acronym I didn't know before: PFB. Oh yes, DS is so pfb!!!

Azrael - I concur with the vast majority of replies thus far and have this to add to them. - Really, the question posed in your title ought to have been (almost) enough. That you then go on at some length about how you breastfed and did much research about child size gives the impression that you think your DS's size reflects poorly on you as his mother. It reads like "OMG! I've done everything right. How did I end up with this mutant?!!" It's like you feel a TOTALLY UNNECESSARY need to justify your mothering to yourself and your son's size to us/everyone else. It's apparent that you felt that way before or irrespective of any 'thoughtless' comments by neighbours,,, especially since you've posted no evidence of negative comments beyond one ambiguous one. So, no, it's not unreasonable of you to expect/hope that people keep disparaging comments about your DS to themselves but, overwhelmingly, your priority lies with convincing YOURSELF that your boy is completely 'normal' and so is your parenting.

I was writing when you posted Azrael. That's a much better perspective.

Folk will always find sommat to comment on if they are that way inclined.

My kids were tall.

My DD's hair didn't grow properly for years, little fluff ball. (Awwwww.)

My son had long curly blonde hair.

Always something to comment on for some folk.

My DS3 is short. DS2 was failure to thrive as a baby but has caught up now. The only time I found it annoying was when I was asked how old they were and when I responded was asked "are you sure?" Most of the time I'm pleased that DS3 gets good wear out of his clothes and people think he's really clever because he wears 12-18m clothes and he'll be 3 in January.

DS1 is 3.8 & still wears mostly 2-3 year clothes. He's also 2nd percentile. I tend to comment on it first as people do assume he's younger than he is.

As someone who is only 5ft myself I think you are BU to take offence at a comment which was never intended as a criticism. Would you also be offended if someone commented on the colour of his eyes? It's a genetic characteristic after all, not something you have any control over & it's not causing your son any problems (unlike eczema).

I think you're going to have to get a tougher skin TBH.

It's nice to hear from people with similarly sized children..

I'm from a family of bompers!

What's a bomper, Harold? I've never heard that one before. Love HL btw - The Kid Brother and The Freshman are EPIC.

I was absolutely tiny when I was little. Even though both my parents were small, I was still taken for testing. Turns out......shock horror.....that I am small because my parents are. Dsis is small too.

I am still only 4 foot 11 and really like being small although when I was at a party this week one of my DD's friends (nearly 10) is an inch bigger than me.

DD and DS1 have always been small for their age and I was shocked when as DS2 has gotten bigger that he may be my only child that takes after my 6 foot DH.

To be honest, what is 'not on' is the implicit sizism in the op. I am a 5'5 male and v happy to be so. Of course there are times when being 6'6 and built like a brick shit house would be useful but they are few and far between.

One gets used to who one is and becomes proud of it. What is wrong with being short and, unless caused by a medical condition with other issues, why on earth would a parent worry about a short child?

Larrygrylls, I hear you, but (as a woman married to a short man, shorter than I am), I'm possibly more than usually conscious of the extent to which thinking about size is gendered. Small girls and women are approvingly 'petite', while small men are often seen as less of a man, puny, weak, beta male types etc etc. I don't think it's a level playing field - socially, it's harder to be small and male. (And harder to be big and tall and female.)

OP, I don't in the least blame you for your sensitivity. I wasn't able to breastfeed my son, who was a plump baby for the few months before he got mobile. I used to get upset by comments about how you could overfeed FF babies/ how you could always tell a FF baby. Because they had a sort if fat, puffy look to them...

My rule is not to comment, other than approvingly, on anyone's appearance, adult or child.

Thing is that commenting on size like that is not necessarily not complimentary.

DS 1&2 are small, one food refuser, one total glutton, one FF one BF.

Obvs the Ff Comments another matter, how bloody rude!

I think one thing I've learnt since having dd is that people just comment on anything at all and half the time have no idea if it's tactless or not!
FWIW I'd probably react the same way as you OP but then afterwards would tell myself not to be silly. I know there are some things that I'm a bit paranoid about and if anyone mentions them, I tend to overreact. But I try to tell myself to calm down about it. So I guess in politely saying YABU but that I understand!

I am a 5'5 male and v happy to be so. Of course there are times when being 6'6 and built like a brick shit house would be useful but they are few and far between.

My DH is 5'5, it's never bothered me and I like that we're at eye level with each other :o

He also has huge feet and I wind him up that he's part Hobbit

My DD is in the 97th centile for height, she is 2.5yo and wears clothes for 4-5 year olds. A lot of people comment on her height and her body looks a lot more substantial than that of other toddlers (if you see what I mean). I think it would be a shame if I made it an issue for her or if I encouraged pre-conceptions that women should be small and dainty. She should have confidence in herself whatever her body shape.

I think you need to think about it like this no matter what your DS's final height might be or what people might say about it.

19 month old and 14month old being the same size is not that weird? my 2.5 year old is the same size as my friends 15 month old!! kids vary in size, i would think she was just making conversation!

My DS1 is the smallest in his class dispite being one of the oldest. People constantly say to me "aww he's tiny" doesnt bother me, i think its cute.

Im only 5'1" myself and DP is 5'7" nobody in my (very large) family is over 5'6"!

But my DS2 is a real little bruiser, he's huge! He's almost as tall as DS1 dispite the 3 year age gap and weighs exactly the same as him, honestly have no idea where he got his genes from - must be a throwback

I was the smallest in my class at school - good things come in small packages :)

I get it all the time.

My small DS is now 14 and only weighs 5 stone.

Perfectly healthy but only weighed 12 pounds at 12 months old, he takes after his dad but was in and out of hospitals for tests but was given the all clear years ago.

All three of my boy's are teeny tiny and I get comments all the time.

I just smile, not something to get upset about, plus most people think it is cute.

I am also pretty small, next to my 6 foot built like a brick shit husband I look teeny tiny can barely see me

I have 2ds's
they wear the same clothes- both 9-12 months.

ds1 is 19 months
ds2 is 7 months.

I regularly get asked if I have twins.

one is 9th percentile
the other is 96th.

My DS1 (nearly 14) is small for his age and finds it hard when people make comments. He also struggles to find trendy clothes in his size.

It doesn't help that DS2 (9) is nearly the same size as DS1 despite the 4.5 years between them. DS1 is in age 10-11 clothes and DS2 in 9-10.

I just keep reassuring DS1 that he will grow eventually and to brush the comments off like he would any other rude, stupid, insensitive comment.

DS1 is now small. Part of me accepts that it's my shorty genes (especially as he has my tiny square feet) but there is a part that worries about his diet as he's dairy, egg and soya free, especially as he was a large baby and has settled 2 centiles lower than he was born at.

If he catches up, he catches up.

If DS2 keeps growing at the same rate, it won't be so long before he overtakes him in height. Could be interesting...

DS1 has accidentally worn DS2's 6-9 m shorts. He's nearly 3.