To think that commenting on DS's small stature is NOT on?

[Azrael]

We live in a building block and meet our neighbours regularly for dinners etc. They're nice, friendly, good cooks. DS is 19 months old and small (2nd percentile) but meets all his milestones perfectly (walking, talking, ...). I breastfed him for 8 months, he eats loads, his milk allergy is resolving. Neighours' DS is 14 months old and exactly the same height as our DS.

It took me hours of research and reading threads on mumsnet to understand that DS's current small stature is fine. He is growing slowly now but he will grow faster later. Maybe when he's 5 or 8 or 15 he'll have a growth spurt and will be a normal height (DP and I are both exactly the average height for a British male and female I found out!). I have stopped thinking that there is an issue with my child's height.

YET when my neighbour said the other day 'oh how cute both our kids are wearing the same cardigan, I think ours is actually even the same size because...' and there she let her voice trail and was on her way to the lift.

I don't think she meant to hurt me but she just couldn't help rubbing my nose in the, yes, currently oddly small stature of DS.

AIBU for thinking she totally lacks emotional intelligence and empathy?

I certainly wouldn't tell a parent of a child with say bad eczema on the face 'oh our son is wearing the same tshirt as yours but the colours suit him better because...'.

You are the one making an issue out of his height. You'd better get a bit of sense before your ds is old enough to pick up on how touchy you are about it. Your neighbour made an innocent friendly comment and trailed off when it was clear you weren't happy. Let it go. It really doesn't matter how tall he is.

Our dd18 is just shy of 6ft, ds14 is 6ft, dd3 is also tall, dd2 is tiny tiny! We get comments such as are dd2 and dd3 twins, nearly 4 years between them, it can get annoying but, she's totally secure in her stature . It's all about accepting who they are and they'll accept themselves:)

You've got a lot more of it to come. People love to go on about a child who is particularly tall or short. I get other parents at school, people I've known for seven flipping years, telling me how tall ds is! Yup, I had actually noticed, and he's been tall for every day of every month of those seven years...

It's harmless, just something people love to witter about. Not nice if it's upsetting you, but I doubt she actually meant to do that.

Why is being small a negative thing?
If you don't view it as negative, why would someone commenting on it be an insult?
If someone said - oh he's got brown hair, would that be rude? It is equally as innocuous.

That is a strange thing for her to say, but you are being a little too sensitive here. She is just stating a (very boring) fact. I understand to some extent, because my firstborn was always the biggest baby amongst all our friends. I soon learned that no one was making comments to be unkind, merely stating facts. (she is pretty average sized now too)

DS is very tall and looks older than his age. He's three, but people assume he's four, going on five. They ask him questions about school and whatnot, and when he replies the shock on their face is evident when he can't pronounce certain sounds properly, and his speech is still pretty toddlerish.

It's not what they expect and they comment and I have to explain that actually he's not even in pre-school yet and has just turned three.

You get used to repeating yourself. People make assumptions based on appearance, fact of life.

And I'd say most people have the good manners and sense not to comment on a disablement, or a condition like eczema. It's rude. But just like my 3yo looks like a 4 or 5yo, your child may look younger because of his size. I don't think people are being insensitive in assuming that he's younger because he's smaller than his peers.

AIBU for thinking she totally lacks emotional intelligence and empathy?

This is actually really rather mean of you, and hypocritical.

I forget which centile DD is on (she's a boring old second child, totally old hat), its one of the bottom ones, fifth I think. Anyway, she's 2.2yo and wears mainly 12-18mo clothes with a few 9-12m and 18-24m thrown in for good measure.

She's just petite, like a little dot, and her very short hair makes her look even younger. I get lots of "aw, look at the baby" type comments until she open her mouth and speaks to them and they realise she's older than she looks. My parents' street does sweets and things for the kids on Halloween and one house asked us if DD was old enough to have some chews. She butted in before we could answer with "DD is two, two ... " complete with two fingers before she helped herself to two chews and a Crunchier :o

There are lots of things in the world to be upset by and something like size, especially when he's within normal ranges, really isn't worth it because it'll become very time consuming. People always comment on what is immediately obvious such as "hasn't he got a lot of hair" and "what a lovely smile" and "oh, he's got grandpa's big ears".

KirjavaTheCorpse do you also have to explain your DS' behaviour and take a birth certificate everywhere because people think you're lying to get a cheap rate at attractions?

Robbed of babyhood, that's my DD.

I understand why you are upset. My DD2 was born 8 weeks before my friends DS and she CONSTANTLY compared their weight/size I did find it a bit annoying. DD is now taller than her DS so she's piped down a bit! DD2 is quite petite and delicate and I often get the comments about her being 'tiny' even though she's on the 25th!?

I do think you seem overly upset by this do you have underlying concerns about your DS in terms of health? You mention milk allergy. Like phantom my DD1 has ceoliac and even though she is a giant now she had a period of 3 months Pre diagnosis where she was underweight peoples comments about it upset as I had concerns there might be something wrong. With DD2 I don't have any concerns so don't find people's comments upsetting just a bit irritating

yabu and I say that in the nicest possible way. Your ds is perfect just as he is. He might be short but so what? Maybe he will end up tall, may e not. Don't let it bother you.

YANBU. I'm not sure why people think it's acceptable to comment on childrens physical appearance all the time. I have a small child, and an exceptionally tall one - comments all the time. I don't care what height they are, but worry that people will give them a complex about it.

The centiles are based on the growth of babies of various ethnicities and demonstrate normal growth parameters. The woman sounds like she thought better of continuing the conversation. Saying a baby is small is no reflection on your ability as a mother or an attack on the genes of you dp. Its just the usual small talk women do. I'm far from offended when somebody comments on my dd's rolls of wrist fat!

What is so wrong about being small? You seem to be the one with the problem tbh!
I'm 5ft nothing, my 23 mo DD still fits some 9-12 mo clothes, she's teeny but perfect in every way! What does it matter if your DS turns out to be on the short side?

My dd is 18 months and she is tiny, everybody says the same thing. It doesn't bother me im 5ft and her dad is 6ft lol. Maybe she takes after me maybe she will have a massive growth spurt and be like her dad. On the upside tho she can still fit in a 6-9 months jumper dress so she gets more wear out of her clothes. Don't let it bother you.

I think you are being too sensitive. I say that as a mum of 4 tiny DS's - from just under the bottom percentile to the 9th.

My eldest now aged 11 has shot up and is almost average now.

I'm sorry but I think you're ridiculously over sensitive about this. People comment on everything. Hair colour, height, foot size. It's just conversation.

My son is 98th percentile. People comment all the time. He's tall, so what. I'm sure he will stop growing before he is 8 foot and if he doesn't, and he's healthy, who cares?

YABU, but I can completely understand because I do this myself. It's a terrible feeling when you think people are judging your baby, I am totally pfb but he is my perfect first born! I have people commenting that my LO is big, he's on the 50th centile here I go again and is in perfect proportion yet people always comment. I don't think they're trying to be awful, I think people are trying to make conversation. Try not to take it so personally, I think you feel it's an issue so whenever someone mentions it you internalise it as an insult or finding fault. I know I worry that my LO will be overweight like me so when people say he's big I totally overreact (in my head) and seethe about it for days before getting upset. Completely irrational but it's that tiger-mum appearing, nothing wrong with that but don't let it get to you too much.

Tbh, OP, threads like this make me worry that people I know are secretly as sensitive as you...

Sorry OP, but you are being oversensitive.

Some people are tall, some people are small. No one's looking at your child think "Ahh, he's so small because she's a terrible mother", which is what you seem to be worried about.

DD was a big baby and is now probably the tallest in her class. People like to tell me she's tall a lot. I don't mind, because she clearly is tall.

I posted something similar a while ago, upset as everyone seemed to comment on how wee my 2.5 yr old DS was. He's between 9&25 percentiles for height and is slim and light - fits some 9-12 month clothes but also 2 to 3 yr so actually the sizes are no reflection of size.

It took a few replies, some kind and some less so, for ne to realise that for the most part people just are saying something as a passing comment and mean nothing good/bad by it. It was me that had a problem - I am tall, DH is not, and I realise I wanted DS to be tall so read into other's comments my own projected insecurities about DS.

Once I realised that, I stopped worrying and have accepted that he'll be whatever he is, he's got no lack of energy, is bright and cheery, dances about, eats ok (for a toddler anyway - usual food fads!), and so I just say nothing, or maybe, 'yes he's the perfect size isn't he' or 'they sure so come in all shapes and sizes'. He is who and how he is and that's the end of it.

I am sure your neighbour didn't mean anything judgemental by the comment.

Aaaagh!! Centiles, centiles, centiles. Not percentiles! Sorry, small unreasonable bug of mine that grates every time for some inexplicable reason.

It's just something people say about kids. Oh he's a big boy, oh isn't she little blah blah. There's not always much to say about kids except to comment on their height, their matching tops etc. It's just small (sorry) talk, passing the time of day when there's nothing else to say, and it'll happen over and over so you'll have to get over it.

The eczema comparison is bonkers. Who on earth would ever say that?

catsize if you're going to be a pedant at least make sure you're correct ;)

en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Percentile

Centile is short for percentile. Percentile is the full/proper word.

DS2 is 5.5 years old and on the 0.4th centile. He weighs a diddy little 14kg. He has been on the 0.4th centile since he was about 4 months old. When he was younger we did get some fairly nasty comments about his size, including, "oh he wasn't premature. Well what's WRONG with him then?". The HV was particularly nasty, to the point that the paediatrician told us to stop seeing her.

Comments can be hurtful, especially when people link them to having breastfed, which can seem so personal. However, it is normal for milk allergy children to be small (ds2 also has milk allergy). He may, or may not 'catch up' with other children, but someone has to be the smallest don't they? So long as he is otherwise healthy, he will grow at his own rate.

Next time, just smile and make a comment back that the advantage with small children is you get so much more wear out of their clothes.