FUCKING WING CHUN

[Reality]

THIS IS A RANT.

DH does this martial art thing. All power to him. Hobbies are great, yadda yadda.

But about a year ago he joined a second class, and said he'd do that every other week. Our weekdays are mad anyway; cubs, Scouts, gymnastics, music lessons (he teaches). So every other week he is out twice a week until 10pm, and the rest of the week is busy until about 8.30 anyway.

Only, in the last few months he's gone EVERY week. He has said this is to prepare for his next grading, which is fine, but I am pretty much on my knees at the moment and I feel like we barely see each other lately. I'm off today but we both work ft, him 7-3 and me 9-5.30.

I didn't see him last night or this morning, I took the older DC to see Thor, he went to Wing Chun and my mum came and sat with DS2. We didn't get back until midnight and he was asleep, and he left for work before I got up this morning.

I spoke to my mum earlier re Halloween, this year as every year we are going to hers for tea and to dress up and answer the door etc.

Oh, she said, your DH isn't coming because he has Wing Chun. Righty-oh. He doesn't actually go until 7, he gets in from work at 3.30 so I'm not sure what the problem is.

'Has he broached his grading with you yet?' said Mum. No, I havent' seen him. Oh she said, well he's booked it, it's on your birthday.

Oh no it fucking isn't. Gradings are held miles away, they take the whole day, my birthday is the Saturday before Christmas and there is no fucking way he's fucking off all day to ponce about doing this.

I am RAGING. I know there are worse things blah blah blah but I put up with him sidelining stuff like other people's birthdays, school plays etc for Wing Chun but not my fucking birthday, and not the Saturday before Christmas.

He can do the grading in six months. He's spent the last few months saying he doesn't feel ready for it anyway (hence the extra classes).

AIBU? I know I'm not btw but I am venting so I don't screech at him as soon as he walks through the door. And I'm tired as after the late showing of Thor (we were supposed to see the 7pm showing but it sold out) DS2 got up at 6.45 or so.

Give it to me, vipers.

Well played Coco :o

That's great
But if you ever need to make it earlier/later/ diff night gimme a shout x

I'd be cross at your mum. Big stirry spoon there.

You said he prioritises his stuff over you, ranty, rant. He's awful, ranty rant, my birthday, pout from you. Oh, well actually it's not him, it's my mum, ranty rant. Moan, moan, rant rant. FOR NOTHING

The man is a saint in my eyes TBH....

I think that you should have another baby. It could be the solution.

But if he doesn't do the grading on your birthday he'll have to Wait 3 or is it 6 Months for the next grading? That's a long time in terms of martial arts, doing the same stuff and unable to move on. Especially if a little group of them are training at the same level together. To me yabu, but then adult birthdays have very little I portable to me. I reckon he's testing the water at the moment but he'll be doing the grading on your birthday regardless.

Importance! Not I portable!

YANBU - My OH would need bleeding wing chun if he arranged to be away for my birthday and I found out via my mother.

Life gets boring if we don't celebrate the little things...even in a small way.

So hang on a sec does the plot thicken :) did your mum deliberately mislead you? My mum is a fruitloop and would totally do something like that!

Very glad you get your birthday back though.

Winking wing chun - glad it all worked out. He needs to give your MIL a karate chop I think

I think he was testing the water.

He did say to my mum that the grading was on my birthday, but technically he didn't say he was doing it. Although he did say he would if I didn't mind.

Had a bit of a to do with bil last night (they do it together) over it, when he said that he doesn't see why dh can't do it and adults being precious over their birthdays are a bit pathetic. He said it doesn't matter that it's the weekend before Christmas as he often works up until Xmas eve anyway. I said yes, that's the point, we both work ft so need that weekend to do stuff. His wife is a sahm and does literally everything.

Then he mocked my daughter for being a veggie, and I lost my temper.

Good times.

WTF has it got to do with your BIL? My SIL (husband's brother's wife) tried this with me once. She knew I wasn't happy that DH played golf every Saturday while I was struggling looking after a newborn and said gaily one day "He works hard all week (37.5 hours pw in an office ), it will be good for him to go out to play golf on Saturday, then he'll be all refreshed for Sunday and that can be your family day." Fuck off, SIL, I think DH and I can work out our own arrangements, thanks. Obviously I didn't actually say this, just smiled and nodded and fumed.

Was your DH there when this exchange happened?

I practice wing chun. The prelim grading doesn't take all day, its an hour max.
I think you are unreasonable not letting him practice his hobby. I practice martial arts 4-5 evenings a week.
Once a fortnight is nowhere near enough training time, he should be going at least twice a week.
Why don't you get a babysitter and go with him? It might calm you down.
Wing chun was invented by a woman.

I don't think it really matters what the hobby / sport is, as such. Could be wing chun, could be golf, football, fell-running - it's all about opting out of family life and assuming that the other partner is default child-carer.

And no, a "spa day" is not a solution, neither is leaving the children with a babysitter 5 evenings a week.

What happens when children come along, in some cases, is that one partner gives up pretty much everything, and the other one carries on as normal.

Reality's husband is now putting her in the position of saying no to missing her birthday / Christmas preparation day, and being the bad guy. Or him doing the grading anyway.