FUCKING WING CHUN

[Reality]

THIS IS A RANT.

DH does this martial art thing. All power to him. Hobbies are great, yadda yadda.

But about a year ago he joined a second class, and said he'd do that every other week. Our weekdays are mad anyway; cubs, Scouts, gymnastics, music lessons (he teaches). So every other week he is out twice a week until 10pm, and the rest of the week is busy until about 8.30 anyway.

Only, in the last few months he's gone EVERY week. He has said this is to prepare for his next grading, which is fine, but I am pretty much on my knees at the moment and I feel like we barely see each other lately. I'm off today but we both work ft, him 7-3 and me 9-5.30.

I didn't see him last night or this morning, I took the older DC to see Thor, he went to Wing Chun and my mum came and sat with DS2. We didn't get back until midnight and he was asleep, and he left for work before I got up this morning.

I spoke to my mum earlier re Halloween, this year as every year we are going to hers for tea and to dress up and answer the door etc.

Oh, she said, your DH isn't coming because he has Wing Chun. Righty-oh. He doesn't actually go until 7, he gets in from work at 3.30 so I'm not sure what the problem is.

'Has he broached his grading with you yet?' said Mum. No, I havent' seen him. Oh she said, well he's booked it, it's on your birthday.

Oh no it fucking isn't. Gradings are held miles away, they take the whole day, my birthday is the Saturday before Christmas and there is no fucking way he's fucking off all day to ponce about doing this.

I am RAGING. I know there are worse things blah blah blah but I put up with him sidelining stuff like other people's birthdays, school plays etc for Wing Chun but not my fucking birthday, and not the Saturday before Christmas.

He can do the grading in six months. He's spent the last few months saying he doesn't feel ready for it anyway (hence the extra classes).

AIBU? I know I'm not btw but I am venting so I don't screech at him as soon as he walks through the door. And I'm tired as after the late showing of Thor (we were supposed to see the 7pm showing but it sold out) DS2 got up at 6.45 or so.

Give it to me, vipers.

even

Sounds like he's a bit too focused on his won ton fooey stuff. He absolutely MUST rearrange it, tell him, or I you'll have his wing chuns as earrings

As much as I'd love to fuck Wing Chun, I don't think him indoors would like it

Is there any chance he has planned a surprise weekend/night away?

Aaaargh at spa day.

I'll give him your advice, grey, thanks.

It's not that I don't get time for my stuff, I do, I went for cocktails earlier in the week and I get my weekends away and stuff. So it's not as though he spends loads of time doing his stuff and I don't get any time for mine.

But I wouldn't book a night out on his birthday, and I can't have a weekly evening thing because there aren't enough evenings in the week. So wah wah wah etc.

Threaten to accidentally wash all his Wing Chin clothes with your new, cheap, bright red socks if he tries to go ahead with this.

He's not selfish, really. Just, um, a bit blinkered.

Tell him he had bloody well better cancel. You've put up with not seeing him on "normal" days but it's absolutely NOT fair for him to plan this and to cancel plans with you without even talking to you about it.

Absolutely not okay. I would be fuming.

Weekend before Christmas is a jolly inconvenient time to have a birthday.

Weekend before Christmas is a jolly inconvenient time to have a birthday.

I have to say there is no way on fucking earth my DH is going anywhere the weekend before Christmas.

He tried to tell me last year that he had to work. I laughed. In his face.

But I share your pain, DH does mixed martial arts and he is fucking obsessive about gradings.

I tell him he can go and live with his mum with his grading certificates for company if he carries on being an idiot, that normally works.

And yes, book a spa day

I would totally take the PA approach
i spoke to DM and she must be confused because she seems to think you are doing your grading on the weekend of xyz but that's my birthday so it can't be then
so when is it darling?

and then find out just how big his bollocks really are big enough to make into earrings perhaps?

I'm really sorry Reality but I'm struggling to get past the hilarity of FUCKING WING CHUN staring at me from the top of my browser screen.

(Oh and YANBU)

Stupid phone.

Tweety that is pretty much exactly what I'm going to say.

I rock at pass agg.

It's fair enough to be really focused on something he wants but why is it taking precedence over you and your feelings? That's selfish.

It does sound like he is using his hobbies as a way of dodging the responsibilities of family life, to be honest. Booking a martial arts grading on your wife's birthday is pretty tosserish behaviour, too.

I think Yabu and need to chill a bit. It's only a hobby. You can't ask him to give up everything for you. The birthday - can you celebrate on Sunday? If this is all you have to worry about you have a charmed life IMHO

In his defence he does all the school/cm pick ups, cooks tea, does most of the bath and bedtimes and picks them up from clubs (I drop off).

He works hard and I don't generally mind him having hobbies, it's healthy. I just get a bit grr when it's every week, twice a week.

And bordello, it's not just that it's my birthday, although it is a bit, it's actually mostly that its the weekend before Christmas and we'll have eleventy million things to do.

YANBU

And you can't even slap him as he has mad wing chun skills. Kick him in the arse while he's asleep...

Why exactly did you post?
You're raging, you're defending him.
You're told he's being a wanker, you're defending him.

Stop being a whinger, do something about it.

You already said he has form for putting himself first so why would he change that. You allow him to get away with it.
Stop moaning and raging on here and decide whether you want him at home on your birthday.

Something tells me you will 'realise' its only your birthday and you'll have all of Christmas to do things once the grading is done...

God, you're restrained. I would totally have given him both barrels by text long before now.

I thought this thread might be about some new kind of sex craze before I opened it.

Skipping a grading is not a big deal. Like I said they are scheduled regularly, even Dan gradings happen every 6 months or so. It really shouldn't be a problem.

As bordello said (but didn't mean) It's only a hobby. He needs to chill out (and I say that as someone who has spent many Saturdays dodging punches and collecting bruises).

I posted for a rant.

He's 99% wonderful. This will be resolved and I'll get my own way, I always do ;) I just wanted to canvass opinion on whether I was right to be cross.

And I am, so hurrah!

Personally I would kick his ass, and remind him that Wing Chun was invented by a girl for girls

yes, you are right