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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

FUCKING WING CHUN

89 replies

Reality · 31/10/2013 14:15

THIS IS A RANT.

DH does this martial art thing. All power to him. Hobbies are great, yadda yadda.

But about a year ago he joined a second class, and said he'd do that every other week. Our weekdays are mad anyway; cubs, Scouts, gymnastics, music lessons (he teaches). So every other week he is out twice a week until 10pm, and the rest of the week is busy until about 8.30 anyway.

Only, in the last few months he's gone EVERY week. He has said this is to prepare for his next grading, which is fine, but I am pretty much on my knees at the moment and I feel like we barely see each other lately. I'm off today but we both work ft, him 7-3 and me 9-5.30.

I didn't see him last night or this morning, I took the older DC to see Thor, he went to Wing Chun and my mum came and sat with DS2. We didn't get back until midnight and he was asleep, and he left for work before I got up this morning.

I spoke to my mum earlier re Halloween, this year as every year we are going to hers for tea and to dress up and answer the door etc.

Oh, she said, your DH isn't coming because he has Wing Chun. Righty-oh. He doesn't actually go until 7, he gets in from work at 3.30 so I'm not sure what the problem is.

'Has he broached his grading with you yet?' said Mum. No, I havent' seen him. Oh she said, well he's booked it, it's on your birthday.

Oh no it fucking isn't. Gradings are held miles away, they take the whole day, my birthday is the Saturday before Christmas and there is no fucking way he's fucking off all day to ponce about doing this.

I am RAGING. I know there are worse things blah blah blah but I put up with him sidelining stuff like other people's birthdays, school plays etc for Wing Chun but not my fucking birthday, and not the Saturday before Christmas.

He can do the grading in six months. He's spent the last few months saying he doesn't feel ready for it anyway (hence the extra classes).

AIBU? I know I'm not btw but I am venting so I don't screech at him as soon as he walks through the door. And I'm tired as after the late showing of Thor (we were supposed to see the 7pm showing but it sold out) DS2 got up at 6.45 or so.

Give it to me, vipers.

OP posts:
ElizabethBathory · 31/10/2013 14:57

You always get your way? But you said he never backs down on stuff like this? How does that work? Confused Sorry if I misunderstood you.

ScrambledSmegs · 31/10/2013 14:57

Yay!

So, how does one fuck wing chun? And does s/he/it like it?

EndoplasmicReticulum · 31/10/2013 14:59

Oh, I am so with you on this one. Bloody kung fu.

At one point it was every Tuesday and Thursday evenings, one whole Sunday per month, a week in the summer, trips to Birmingham for important things....they are all miles away, cost loads of money and take up days.

Although to be fair my husband wouldn't book a grading on my birthday. He would fear my wrath too much.

NoelOfLorst · 31/10/2013 15:00

I am sympathetic. My husband is a fell runner.

Seriously, that's what he does. Runs over fells. In winter.

I'm not even kidding.

Original poster
Reality · 31/10/2013 15:02

Elizabeth, I don't often push it tbh, I'd rather pick my battles. But I do know that if I said an outright no to something he wouldn't do it.

I like to be in credit with the bank of reasonableness though so I let some of it slide...

OP posts:
diddl · 31/10/2013 15:02

Has he booked it knowing that that's your bday iyswim?

If so, he should have asked first.

I was once at the dentist with my daughter, making appointments for us.

Receptionist gave us a date & I agreed.

Then she looked & asked "are you sure"-yes I was " really"?

Could now feel daughter's intense stare.

Was daughter's bday & it just hadn't registered at all.

Rowlers · 31/10/2013 15:02

When you marry and have children, you become a team.
You work together and share your lives.
He's forgotton that.
He needs a reminder.

ElizabethBathory · 31/10/2013 15:04

Reality, I see, sounds a sensible strategy tbh! Lol @ being in credit with the bank of reasonableness.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 31/10/2013 15:05

YANBU to be cross at him booking this on your birthday, and the weekend before Christmas. I would explain calmly why you are unhappy, and what you want him to do - give him a chance to realise how much this has hurt you - and hopefully he will offer to reschedule at once. If he doesn't, I'd go postal.

ElizabethBathory · 31/10/2013 15:05

It all hinges on how big a deal birthdays are between you. There's not a chance in hell my DH would do this, but I do like to have massive birthdays - others are more restrained!

reelingintheyears · 31/10/2013 15:10

I never do fuck all on my birthday anyway so it really wouldn't bother me.
Mine's too close to Christmas, DP and I might go out the weekend before or after for it.

TheKnightsWhoSayNi · 31/10/2013 15:13

What I'm really wondering is, was Thor any good? I want to go see it.

OK, seriously, this does sound excessive. Limits, like.

reelingintheyears · 31/10/2013 15:15

I just looked, Christmas is on Tuesday, my birthday is the Sunday before, I hate having a Christmas birthday. Sad

diddl · 31/10/2013 15:18

My bday is the Fri before & I love it!

And it always still seems ages until CDConfusedGrin

PatoBanton · 31/10/2013 15:20

He sounds kind of driven, I have to admit,

but not a wanker

I am still at the bit where you went out till midnight and he was back at what, 10? so you would have seen him if you had been home last night?

that is a bit of a two way thing then

but the rest of the time, and the grading thing, is a bit much.

I would have a chat along the lines of can we possibly scale things back slightly so that we are not strangers who just pass in the night.

GobbySadcase · 31/10/2013 15:22

Totally unrelated (but it is a bit) - if a bit of flexibility needed with lesson cos of change in work patterns you will let me know, won't you? x

whois · 31/10/2013 15:28

Totally book something fun with a friend in another city for your birthday. And let him know with a big smile.

Original poster
Reality · 31/10/2013 15:29

Aw Gobby, you're fine, honestly. That's a half an hour thing and is not at all a problem.

I wasn't meant to be out until midnight, we'd underestimated how busy the cinema was and missed the 7pm showing. And that was for the kids, not me, I didn't enjoy Thor one little bit, oh no, especially not his bare chested bits.

OP posts:
cocoleBOO · 31/10/2013 15:32

I thought this was going to be a thread about the 80's crappy one hit wonders. I was agog at what they had done to annoy you.

Original poster
Reality · 31/10/2013 15:32

Anyway. Total non problem.

He's just walked in, I said, er, you're not actually doing a grading on my birthday are you? And he said, why, do you mind. So in gave him a look and he laughed and said, no, I'm not doing it, he had said to mum that they'd offered him that day and he thought it unlikely.

So all a big miscommunication.

I'm all dressed up as Marilyn now and off to do halloweeny stuff. With dh.

OP posts:
cocoleBOO · 31/10/2013 15:33

Or were they called wang chungConfused

PatoBanton · 31/10/2013 15:34

I would have LOVED to see T|hor Envy

You have a brill evening xxx

PatoBanton · 31/10/2013 15:35

is your mum given to stirring btw?

Original poster
Reality · 31/10/2013 15:45

Oh yes.

OP posts:
samandi · 31/10/2013 15:56

Going out twice a week is pushing it with kids, but if you can do the same I don't see the problem. It's unreasonable to get into such a state about your birthday - surely you can celebrate another day. Plenty of people go into work etc. on their birthdays. So - reasonable if the evening thing is becoming too much, unreasonable about the birthday thing, as that's the specific day they do the gradings.

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