To facebook this poor womens friend and ask her to tell her

[fanjobangogango]

I work in a very busy accident and emergency department. It has come to light that one of the staff nurses has gone into staff records and taken telephone numbers of a student nurse and a newly appointed nurse and pursued them. He has had affairs with both of them. He was married in August to a really nice young women. I know she is hoping to have children. She is in her early 20's and is hoping to have children soon.

I am disgusted. There are photos circulating around the department of her DH handcuffed, the whole department are talking about it and the newly qualified nurse came into work for the day after spending a sleepless night in her car.

I am shocked at the unprofessional behaviour which could put peoples lives a risk and also the dis respect being shown to the DW of this nurse. (She is known to some of the team as she is also working in the department)

Should I tell her that her husband is a totally calculated philandering bastard?

No I wouldn't tell her, but I would report the theft of the phone numbers to HR.

yikes, that's a serious data protection breach, surely? I think you need to do this through formal channels, tbh. If it becomes known that you knew about this and didn't report, you could be at risk of disciplinary action yourself.

That has already been done thank you. biblio and cake It's the moral and personal side of things. Everyone is talking and this man has no intention of telling her.

Blimey. Do you know the wife personally? Or do you know any of her good friends? She definitely needs to know and I can understand how you might want to tell her.

Agreed that this so called husband needs to be reported to HR for theft of telephone numbers and inappropriate use of confidential records.

Do these women know her?

Whilst I agree that what he is doing is wrong, how is having an affair outside of work putting peoples lives at risk?

Sorry if I've somehow misinterpreted what has been said.

X posted. Mmm. If it was me, I'd want to know.

I have no idea how you would start that conversation though.

I know her, not closely, but to speak to. I was thinking about contacting a friend of hers. I'm very shocked by this mans behaviour actually. He didnt seem the type at all.

If he's sleeping around, she's at risk of HIV, hepatitis etc. I would tell her in a heartbeat.

Famzilla I think the OP is referring directly to the fact that their workplace is a busy A and E. While all nurses are human and entitled to a private life, I certainly would want an A and E nurse treating me to be focusing solely on the job and not being distracted by nonsense and gossip.

Stay out of it. She may already know. It's best to stay out of other people's lives as you never know the full story and don't want to create any drama or problems for yourself. Report anything illegal or that specifically goes against work policy but keep out of everything else.

Famzilla because people are supposed to be focusing on treating medical emergencies. Not going on shift after work place affair induced sleepless nights spent in their cars. If people aren't concentrating, mistakes can be made. If people are too busy shagging each other and having dramas then they are not concentrating.

That is why there are codes of conduct.

I agree with Floozey: stay out of it. Your colleagues' private lives are none of your business. If workplace code of conduct has been broken, then report that to the appropriate person and leave it at that.

I agree with everything you say OP, but I would not be muscling in and putting myself right in the middle of all the drama, so no - I would not tell her.
Get on with your own work.

What a shit!

If you have proof he's done this then report him to HR.

Stay out of it. Let HR handle it.

Hmmm.

Is this for real.

1. a staff nurse would have no access to staff personal files.
2. Students are not employed by the NHS. There would be no persnal file about them in the department.

Sceptical.

Btw, completely understand why you want to tell her but whatever you decide please don't send a Facebook message - that would be a really horrible way to find out.

I'd tell her, because if it was me I would want to know, and I would like to think that if I knew about something totally heinous I would stand up for whats right regardless of the consequences.

Does he line manage them? Does he have any say in their progression or promotion or for transfers? Has he broken any other conduct rules? If so, then that needs to be reported to HR.

Then you have to think about whether his W deserves to know. She could be at risk of disease. She might want to be able to assess her marriage, and her whole future, based on her actual situation, not a whole raft of lies. The messenger may well get shot in this kind of situation. But this is about your code of ethics - possibly based on your personal assessment of whether you would want to know, how grim it is when the W is the last to know, and how much of her life she might prefer to be based on lies (thought if they have an open marriage, she might already know, though perhaps not his flagrant lack of discretion).

It is not the messenger, btw, who damages the marriage in these circumstances; it is the wandering spouse.

But how would you feel if it was you? If people you know knew that your DH was having affairs, no one told you or you didn't find out for months on end? Everyone talking about it? Planning DC?

TBH I doubt there will be any recourse for the breach of DP. The staff team will probably just be told not to discuss it.

Yes, this nurse had supervised some of the students work. Not a mentor though.

Provided you have reported anything inappropriate to HR and acted in accordance with your workplace code of conduct /whistle blowing procedure you should leave it at that. Involving Facebook is highly unprofessional and your colleagues' private lives are nothing to do with you.

Sorry I didn't realise the sleepless night in the car was because she was in it with him. That's pretty grotty.

I dunno though, I agree that it is wrong but I do believe nurses are entitled to a private life and I don't think Facebook messaging a friend is the way to go. I think you need to keep things professional and not personal IYSWIM.

Can you discuss your concerns with your ward manager or modern matron? If a student is involved the university should have a placement liaison officer too. He isn't a mentor is he?

leave Yup it is for real. The office has holds staff phone numbers. They need to contact people to cover shifts etc.

Students are not employed in A & E but student nurses are on placement there.

I know, i find i hard to get my head around but sadly the culture of nepotism that has developed in the place has led to people being slack (i.e thinking that it's ok to help self to phone numbers etc)

Sorry x post.