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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

or is my DH?

80 replies

spacegirl81 · 28/10/2013 16:27

First time poster here so please be gentle! Grin

So we have agreed to sell our house and buy a larger family house, which we are hoping to be our forever house.

I contacted 3 EA to arrange meetings, and after discussion we found one we were happy with if they could match fixed fee. Contacted them, they could so after a weekend of sorting/cleaning/tidying house they came to do measurements/photos today.

Prior to meeting we were informed (at initial meeting) of their fees, t&cs etc so we were up to date on this. DH wanted to see paperwork first before we signed to them (even though we had nominated them on the phone). Worth mentioning that house/mortgage is in DH name, but living together 9 years, married 4 with 2 kids.

Today the EA came round with paperwork to sign, take measurements and do pictures. The paperwork set out exactly what we already knew and agreed to over the phone so I signed it on our behalf. DH is pissed off because I've gone against him and our original decision to look at paperwork together. I explained that if was the same so I made a decision and signed it so we could get the house up for sale ASAP. He's still not happy and is now being grumpy. So was I unreasonable to make an informed decision and sign as it was what we knew and agreed to?!!!

OP posts:
Strumpetron · 28/10/2013 19:09

Do*

Original poster
spacegirl81 · 28/10/2013 19:09

All sorted here Grin hopefully so!

OP posts:
AllThatGlistens · 28/10/2013 19:12

OP - AIBU?

Pretty much gets a resounding yes.

OP - No I'm not!

Grin
Floggingmolly · 28/10/2013 19:12

It's not your house too, actually, albeit not on paper. You don't legally own the property if your name isn't on the deeds.

OneHandFlapping · 28/10/2013 19:13

If my husband spoke to me the way some of you are speaking to the OP, I'd tell him to fuck right off! Do what she'd told, my arse!

She might not be the vendor in terms of the law, but she has equal rights to the property morally, and if her H is making a song and dance about her signing this, I'd be wondering exactly how equal he considers his DW.

Strumpetron · 28/10/2013 19:15

If my husband spoke to me the way some of you are speaking to the OP, I'd tell him to fuck right off! Do what she'd told, my arse!

Who told her to do as she's told? He asked her to wait so he could look at it. It's not like it's a silly or ridiculous request, or demand as you're wanting to make out.

Strumpetron · 28/10/2013 19:16

Personally I'd tell my DP to fuck right off if he'd gone and signed something concerning me without my consent.

Original poster
spacegirl81 · 28/10/2013 19:16

Thank you onehand

OP posts:
notagiraffe · 28/10/2013 19:18

Neither of you is BU. My DH would be the same, because he is a stickler for small print and needs to feel in control of important financial stuff, and I'd have done what you did, because you want to get cracking.

But iiwy, I'd apologise. You didn't mean to go behind his back or upset him, Maybe suggest you will make sure all future house stuff is mutual and arrange for him to check the paperwork with the agent.

Make up. Not worth squabbling over. House sales are stressful enough. Pace yourselves! Grin

littlegem12 · 28/10/2013 19:19

Haha 'hopefully he can forgive you'
She didn't have an affair with the estate agent she signed to confirm something he had already verbally agreed to, no changes to what he already understood the agreement to be.

Original poster
spacegirl81 · 28/10/2013 19:20

All that glistens Grin

I've already said I should of waited, so yes perhaps I was unreasonable. I'm just giving my reasons why.

Telling me to fuck off for doing something we had talked and agreed about when we've been together 9 years with 2 young DCs is a little harsh even for you lot Grin

OP posts:
Strumpetron · 28/10/2013 19:21

^Haha 'hopefully he can forgive you'
She didn't have an affair with the estate agent she signed to confirm something he had already verbally agreed to, no changes to what he already understood the agreement to be^

Actually no he didn't agree to her signing it at all. The OP has said he wanted to re read it first.

Things like that are a deal breaker for me. If you can't trust someone with something so little how can you expect to trust them with the big things?

Anyway they're both okay now anyway so not relevant.

Original poster
spacegirl81 · 28/10/2013 19:22

Absolutely notagiffaffe (did you get the riddle correct?!) and little gem Grin

OP posts:
diddl · 28/10/2013 19:25

Bloody hell, OP.

YANBU imo!

The house wants putting up for sale & you've done that-by signing to terms that he already knows & has agreed!

lottiegarbanzo · 28/10/2013 19:30

As I've understood it; he asked you to do something, you agreed to it, then you didn't do it, so he's cross.

If you'd agreed in advance that you'd glance over the written details and, if T+Cs were as discussed, you'd go ahead, then that would have been fine but he hadn't agreed that.

You both expected the T+Cs to be exactly as discussed - by you with he EA and then between the two of you - why wouldn't they be? He still wanted to check the docs himself and you'd agreed to wait. Then you didn't.

marriedinwhiteisback · 28/10/2013 19:34

YABVU. When DH and I got married the house was mine, purchased before we met (as was all of the equity and that's why we had a pre-nup). If he had signed documents such as you describe I would have been absolutely livid with him and it would have undermined the trust in our relationship. If you were to split I think you would probably be entitled to some equity - you are in a much better position than if you were unmarried.

I say you have been shockingly unreasonable even though my DH made an offer on our new house before I saw it. Although he would have withdrawn it if I hadn't approved and it was a very good deal.

Original poster
spacegirl81 · 28/10/2013 19:43

What documents are you assuming I've signed?

OP posts:
marriedinwhiteisback · 28/10/2013 19:50

The agreement with the EA to put the house on the market.

Original poster
spacegirl81 · 28/10/2013 19:53

Yes. Just so we're clear Grin

OP posts:
caroldecker · 28/10/2013 20:29

What about some of the t&c not discussed?
ie what if they do not introduce the buyer etc?

lottiegarbanzo · 28/10/2013 20:44

Ok, I'm worrying at this as a logic puzzle because it doesn't add up.

If you thought checking the T+Cs were as agreed, then signing was going to be ok, why didn't you say so when you discussed how to proceed?

So him 'I'd like you to pass the docs to me to check over', you 'that would only be necessary if anything we've agreed looks different or unclear, otherwise I'll sign to get things moving', him 'ok' or 'no, I'd like to see the docs anyway', you 'I think you're being a bit fussy, let's just get it moving, ok?', him 'alright then', or 'really, no'.

So, not so much why did you say one thing and do another but, why didn't you say what you were plainly going to do? (because you knew he'd fuss when actually you knew better and had everyone's interests at heart?)

Yeah, I know, it seemed like a good idea at the time, humans aren't logical, it was no big deal to you, so it's irritating you that he thinks a promise is a promise and is huffing... whatever.

FortyDoorsToNowhere · 28/10/2013 20:51

I think her husband has reacted OTT.

The op is quite capable of reading and signing some paperwork. It seems the husband is under minding her ability to sign a contract.

Strumpetron · 28/10/2013 20:53

It seems the husband is under minding her ability to sign a contract

By wanting to check something for himself Hmm sorry but what a load of rubbish.

Me and DP bought a new sofa the other week. I fully trust in his 'ability' to sign a contract but I wanted to look over it to, for clarity sake. Does this mean I undermined him?

redshifter · 28/10/2013 21:05

YABU for thinking themaltesefalcon was insulting you.

lottiegarbanzo · 28/10/2013 21:05

I think that's what she want us to say, fortydoors but, what really counts isn't whether we think spouses should trust each other to read contracts and act in each others' best interests.

What counts is that they had a conversation in which she misled him and/or she knowingly disregarded his stated wishes.

It's all about trust between the two of them and respect for each other's wishes, based on the conversations they've actually had. She didn't say 'look, I'm perfectly capable of doing this for us, just trust me, ok?' and get agreement to that, he did say 'I'd just like to check things over to reassure myself.'