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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

...to ask this mother to wash DD's jacket.

110 replies

MamTor · 28/10/2013 16:06

DD just come in, soaked through and with no jacket.

Said jacket, is, apparently, languishing in a piss filled puddle. Shock

Story goes, boy 1 pisses in puddle, boy 2 takes jacket of DD and throws it in puddle. Hmm

What. The. Actual. Fuck?

One of the boys lives opposite us, I've never met his mum or dad. But I guess I am about to.

It's not the first time we've had trouble from him.

She is refusing to wash the jacket according to DD.

Oh dear, I fear this will not end well.

OP posts:
GuillotineLibertine73 · 28/10/2013 21:12

Amy decent person that even knew about it, would come over and apologize surely? I'd be devastated if my son did this and would go straight round.

Strumpetron · 28/10/2013 21:16

I would personally guillotine but we don't really know her reasoning do we. She could be a right gobshite but I don't think at this stage she should be getting the abuse.

Bogeyface · 28/10/2013 21:18

Strump

Her son is 9 and "Fuck you and fuck your mum" is what he said. Your average 9 year old doesnt read that in a book or see it on Horrible Histories. They learn that sort of language in the home. I think we can safely say that this isnt a nice family to deal with.

The acorn doesnt fall far from the tree......

Strumpetron · 28/10/2013 21:21

I knew that sort of language at 9 and my parents NEVER swore in front of me. 9 year old's aren't as innocent as they seem.

Anyway I don't want to argue about it, I just didn't think it was right. I could be completely wrong!

Caitlin17 · 28/10/2013 21:28

I wouldn't wash it. It's always going to be the piss coat and these vile people will probably bully and name call your daughter for wearing it. If you can afford it get her another coat, get her one from a charity shop if need be.

I'd have got the police involved nth.

Caitlin17 · 28/10/2013 21:33

SoupDragon, I'm struggling to imagine a 9 year old who really thinks pissing in a public place, stealing a coat and throwing it in to his puddle of piss as anything other than a vile little thug who knows full well what he is doing is wrong.

Bogeyface · 28/10/2013 21:34

You potty mouth Strump!

I see your point, but imo it isnt worth the risk of causing a bigger issue when this is clearly either a trouble child or a little shit! Either way, the mother isnt going to deal with the OP steaming in guns (or police) blazing and it could just exacerbate the whole situation.

What I would do, on reflection, is talk to the school about it. If there are child protection and/or behavioural concerns about this child then this is the sort of thing they need to know about.

WallyBantersJunkBox · 28/10/2013 21:40

I don't think you should keep the jacket even if you wash it, or she washes it.

I'd hate to think they'd be taunting your daughter for wearing a p*ss jacket when she wears it again.

If you think the mother (is there a father around btw?) isn't aware then how about going round and telling her what happened in a calmish, but concerned manner, without making any demands. See what her reaction is.

She may not have heard about it, and may apologise and deal out a rollicking to her kids.

If she tells you to ram it, just tell her that if her boys come near your DD again you will involve the police, and that you will report the incident to the school.

defineme · 28/10/2013 21:40

My 8 year old asked me what 'cunt' meant tonight, he certainly hadn't heard that at home-he heard it from a year 6 at school today. OTOH he asked me very quietly at bed time and I assume he won't be using it with his mates tomorrow.

I would find it very very hard not to tell the child precisely what I thought of that behaviour. I do challenge kids that I see misbehaving and I will wade in there if necessary. BUT I live in an area where this a usual thing to do, I appreciate it could get you into a lot of trouble elsewhere.

Strumpetron · 28/10/2013 21:44

bogey Blush I remember being 7, walking home with my mum and dad and I called my dad a dickhead. Poor little me thought it was a term of endearment, I couldn't understand why my mum and dad just stopped in the street and gave me a bollocking. Oooops. It's amazing what you pick up at school.

At 9 I was a little rip though!

Chuck piss coat away, it'll just remind her. Maybe a new one as a treat will cheer your DD up a bit.

Bogeyface · 28/10/2013 21:47

I agree that replacing the jacket might be a good idea if you can afford it.

Strump My sister called me a twat once and my dad nearly crashed the car. After much shouting (Dsis was about ...7 ish) she had heard my dad call my uncle that at the most recent family party. Cue beetroot face from my dad and much shouting at him from my mum, who ironically, didnt seem to realise just how much swearing she was doing :o

Strumpetron · 28/10/2013 21:48

HAHAHAHAH

AgentZigzag · 28/10/2013 21:52

Grin at Strumps and BF.

MrsS1980 · 28/10/2013 21:57

Do they all go to the same school? If not then which school should the OP report it to exactly?

Bogeyface · 28/10/2013 22:03

Mrs I got that they did go to the same school, but I might have imagined that, if not then the boys school I suppose.

SaucyJack · 28/10/2013 22:13

It's not just the piss thing that's a problem- it's the fact that the boy took the coat of off her in the first place.

I don't wish to sound hysterical, but I have daughters and I don't want them growing up thinking that males forcibly removing their clothing is ever something that's not worth making a fuss over, under any circumstances.

AgentZigzag · 28/10/2013 22:20

Good point Saucy.

AnyoneforTurps · 28/10/2013 22:27

I would call the police

Great - because the police have absolutely nothing better to do Hmm.

WallyBantersJunkBox · 28/10/2013 22:31

The police have nothing better to do than deal with possible assault and criminal damage? How do we know the op doesn't live in a small town or village with a local police station that can deal with this without stretching resources? People have mentioned community police.

Not everyone lives on the bustling vice riddled streets of Gotham City....

Caitlin17 · 28/10/2013 22:36

AnyoneForTups, this little girl has been assaulted. As Saucy correctly points out her coat was forcibly removed.

Like Saucy I'm not wanting to be hysterical but that's the reality. This was an assault. I'd be surprised if the police were as flippant about it as you.

AgentZigzag · 28/10/2013 22:38

No, the police have absolutely nothing else better to do.

If they're in Devon and Cornwall wanking and gambling seem to be the order of the day.

soontobeslendergirl · 28/10/2013 22:41

Sometimes early intervention by a police visit is exactly what is required to stop a bigger problem developing. My son was assaulted in the local park by some boys from his class when they were all about 9ish and I absolutely called the local station and I went into school the next morning to ensure that it didn't all spill over. The police went round to the boys houses and that was the end of it, they certainly didn't see it as a waste of their time and indeed did the visits and phoned me from the station to confirm everything within about an hour.

On the other hand, i have an ex neighbour who's son gets regular (weekly!) visits from the police and is still an absolute nightmare 3 years later. On one of the polices first visits when he would be about 8, he told them to Fuck off Shock and they are an otherwise "naice" family.

Inertia · 28/10/2013 22:57

Saucy is right, and this is key to why the OP should really be taking it further - an authority figure needs to make it absolutely clear to these boys that forcibly removing the clothes of other children is not acceptable.

AgentZigzag · 28/10/2013 23:41

Not that it makes it in a any way right, but the DD could have been carrying her coat?

AnyoneforTurps · 29/10/2013 20:56

AnyoneForTups, this little girl has been assaulted. As Saucy correctly points out her coat was forcibly removed.

Says who? The OP says that one of the boys took it off her DD, which could just as easily mean that she had it in her hand & he grabbed it. Now that's not a very nice thing to do, but it's hardly assault especially when you are 9 and below the age of criminal responsibility. If you are going to call the police every time a child grabs something off another child in a mean way, every playground in the country is going to need its own serious crime squad.

The OP has already said that her DD is fine and not upset. There is no need for Oh god, won't someone please think of the children? flapping.