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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

...to ask this mother to wash DD's jacket.

110 replies

MamTor · 28/10/2013 16:06

DD just come in, soaked through and with no jacket.

Said jacket, is, apparently, languishing in a piss filled puddle. Shock

Story goes, boy 1 pisses in puddle, boy 2 takes jacket of DD and throws it in puddle. Hmm

What. The. Actual. Fuck?

One of the boys lives opposite us, I've never met his mum or dad. But I guess I am about to.

It's not the first time we've had trouble from him.

She is refusing to wash the jacket according to DD.

Oh dear, I fear this will not end well.

OP posts:
weneedtotalkaboutkettles · 28/10/2013 17:45

Deal with it exactly as we would in school - we have a very strict bullying policy and it operates on a two strikes then you're out basis.

It isn't acceptable or good enough for a school to abdicate responsibility the second a child leaves their premises. Terrifying for the child to have to walk home feeling frightened and scared and awful to feel that no adult can or will help them. No one should have to put up with that!

valiumredhead · 28/10/2013 17:50

Omg not only did I type or instead of our in my post,I finished it with a kiss. FfsBlush

diddl · 28/10/2013 17:51

How did the jacket end up at the other woman's house?

They all sound awful.

Hope your daughter is OK.

Tailtwister · 28/10/2013 18:00

That's disgusting. Tbh I would just wash it myself and ensure my DD had as little contact with this boy as possible. It doesn't sound like his mother will be receptive to your request anyway, you're likely to just get a mouthful from her judging by her DS's language.

Inertia · 28/10/2013 19:59

Tbh I would give DD a different jacket to wear for a few days if possible - a child who bullies like this will probably make bullying comments when he sees her wearing it.

I would keep the unwashed jacket to show the headteacher when you report it to the school.

I would also report it to the non-emergency police number - it is unlikely that they will take action against this particular boy, but registered complaints can help the police decide where to deploy their community officers.

Don't engage with the boys parents, especially while you are angry.

Hope DD is OK.

GuillotineLibertine73 · 28/10/2013 20:06

How bloody awful for your dd, did he force the jacket off her then? Nasty little sod. Leave it for now,I agree to her not wearing it for a while anyway, and a confrontation with the mum is never going to end well.

See how you feel in a couple of days, she may bring it over washed in that time?

Loopylala7 · 28/10/2013 20:09

If that's what the kids are like, would you trust his mum to wash the coat properly? I wouldn't

foreverondiet · 28/10/2013 20:11

Not worth making a fuss. Wash the jacket yourself.

notanyanymore · 28/10/2013 20:13

not worth making a fuss????!!! i fucking well would! i wouldn't let her get her grubby mits on dd's jacket but i'd definitely make a fuss!

killpeppa · 28/10/2013 20:13

can 9 year olds get ASBOs?
cause this wee bugger should be first in line.

LEMisafucker · 28/10/2013 20:17

How old is your DD?

AgentZigzag · 28/10/2013 20:25

'Not worth making a fuss'

Really? You don't think someone pissing on your DC's clothing is worth a second thought?

It's not about the coat, it's about these lads thinking up this bollocks to do to another 9 YO.

Would you be OK with someone pissing on you forever? Or spitting at you? chucking dog shit your way maybe?

How would that make you feel when you got home?

Ridiculous.

YADNBU OP to be fucked off, and I agree with the posters saying the mum needs to be told, she could be mortified.

Lilacroses · 28/10/2013 20:32

It is definitely worth making a fuss.....jeez, pissing on another child's clothes is absolutely disgusting. I am a right wimp but even I would go and talk to the mother about this in no uncertain terms.

Strumpetron · 28/10/2013 20:38

Not worth making a fuss. Wash the jacket yourself

Are you the mother of the other two Hmm

Disgusting behaviour and worth making a fuss over.forever would you make a fuss if two men pissed on you whilst you were at work?

SoupDragon · 28/10/2013 20:41

No one pissed on anyone.
No one pissed on clothing.

Yes, the jacket was dropped in a puddle another boy had pissed in, but that is not the same.

Strumpetron · 28/10/2013 20:43

Oops I got carried away then, okay would you find it acceptable if two men put your coat in a puddle of piss Blush

holidaysarenice · 28/10/2013 20:45

I would call the police, if nothing else they will go out to the boys house etc.

AgentZigzag · 28/10/2013 20:45

It is to me Soup.

His piss is on her jacket, doesn't matter how it got there.

SoupDragon · 28/10/2013 20:45

Are you really unable to see the difference between two 9 year old boys and two men?

SoupDragon · 28/10/2013 20:47

Of course it's not the same. Throwing something in a puddle is an impulsive act. Deliberately pissing on someone isn't.

SoupDragon · 28/10/2013 20:48

The police? Seriously?

Dear god, utter hysteria. I'm off.

floreatsalopia · 28/10/2013 20:50

I agree this is disgusting and I would definitely speak to the parents and potentially the school if their response was poor.

But the Police? Really? For a 9 year old boy pissing in a puddle and chucking a coat in it?

I think that is completely over the top and if I were a Police Officer I would be pretty irritated at having to 'investigate' such a crime.

Strumpetron · 28/10/2013 20:51

Are you really unable to see the difference between two 9 year old boys and two men?

Actually I'm trying to put the poster in a hypothetical situation in which she was victim to it, to see if it was 'not worth making a fuss' then.

Bogeyface · 28/10/2013 20:58

The whole thing about "making a fuss" doesnt take into account that a 9 year old boy has been taught that behaviour like this is acceptable. So involving the police, the school or just marching round there in a haze of righteous indignation will achieve nothing other than starting a feud with a family that are trouble.

I would feel exactly the same as the OP, but the fact is that with people like this it will make the bullying worse, not better and will probably end up with with a "neighbours from hell" situation (which it sounds pretty close to now).

There are times when one needs to stand up to bullies, but when you are dealing with a whole family who thinks that this is fine, then you are on to a non starter.

Wash the jacket, keep your head down and if possible, move.

Strumpetron · 28/10/2013 21:01

I think the boys' mum is getting a rough deal here, no-one has spoken to her yet. OP's DD says she has refused to wash it, but that doesn't mean she has found it acceptable or is a bad mum?

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