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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to hate this desciption of David Tennants family?

108 replies

Bogeyface · 27/10/2013 22:31

I have noticed that it has happened to Dawn French and Lenny Henry too, but reading about DT earlier prompted me to post.

Reading an article about his new TV series and it said that he was a father of 2 with his wife and "adoptive father" of her eldest child. So......father of 3 then?

DF and LH have always been described as having an adopted child, rather than having a child. Why?

A family is a family regardless of how it comes about and emotionally and legally DT is that childs father, so why make the distinction? Who's business is it and really, who cares?

AIBU to think that the media should stop doing this as it fosters the belief that an adopted child is somehow different from a biological child. In this age of blended families, it seems especially ridiculous to make distinctions.

OP posts:
Reality · 27/10/2013 22:32

YANBU. I notice this all the time in the papers and it grates.

LindyHemming · 27/10/2013 22:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SirChenjin · 27/10/2013 22:34

I'm not sure I understand - did they adopt together or is he her step-father? Confused

YY to LH and DF's daughter being described as adopted - that distinction should not be made, ever.

Sparklingbrook · 27/10/2013 22:34

I agree. YANBU. David Tennant has 3 children.

Alisvolatpropiis · 27/10/2013 22:35

I noticed in the recent Radio Times article about him (I was at my Nan's don't judge me!) he was described as being husband to Georgia Moffet and father to Olive 2 and Wilfred 5 months. Not mention of the older boy. It really annoyed me. His existence wasn't even acknowledged by the person who wrote the article.

KatyMac · 27/10/2013 22:36

Unless the child's dad objects to it

The LH/DF situation is different & gets me cross

But DT's adopted child presumably (I don't know) has a dad out there and may want acknowledgement.....maybe step dad would be gentler

Original poster
Bogeyface · 27/10/2013 22:36

I'm not sure I understand - did they adopt together or is he her step-father?

Neither.

He adopted her eldest child that she already had when they got together so he is the childs father, in law.

OP posts:
Sparklingbrook · 27/10/2013 22:36

He is the boy's stepfather who is now his father having adopted him.

Alisvolatpropiis · 27/10/2013 22:36

Ooops - so Yanbu.

The distinction should never be raised but to not acknowledge at all? That's even worse.

Darkesteyes · 27/10/2013 22:38

Thats bloody awful.. He IS a father of three.

Original poster
Bogeyface · 27/10/2013 22:38

Unless the child's dad objects to it

I have been through this personally so I know how it works. If the birth father objects then it goes to court and unless he is proven to be abusive or violent it is extremely unlikely that the adoption would be approved. Generally speaking, if a father is and wants to be involved with his childs life then a step father will not be allowed to adopt, which is why I was surprised to read that DT had adopted the child. The father must have given his consent, or couldnt not be traced by any means (which again, has to be proved in court).

OP posts:
KatyMac · 27/10/2013 22:39

Oh so the child's dad must have given up his rights - so it is unfair it's described that way - sorry

KatyMac · 27/10/2013 22:39

Sorry cross posted

Sparklingbrook · 27/10/2013 22:40

Any interview with Lisa Faulkner-it is always mentioned too.

Original poster
Bogeyface · 27/10/2013 22:40

I should add that my social worker told me that even if a father is violent or abusive but still wants a relationship with the child then it is very unlikely that the adoption would be approved. The father in this case must have given consent.

DT is a father of 3. Why make the distinction and as for the article that didnt mention his eldest at all, I am disgusted.

OP posts:
SirChenjin · 27/10/2013 22:40

Ah, I see - definitely not right that he is not named as a father of 3

fanjofarrow · 27/10/2013 22:41

YANBU.

sapfu · 27/10/2013 22:43

This pisses me off too.

It's very VERY important to the DM, especially, if some one is/has adopted. Fark knows why, but they seem to think it's vital information that will change our opinion of the entire news story.

wtf

MaryZombie · 27/10/2013 22:45

I hate the term "adoptive mother" or "adoptive father".

If the adoption is final and legal, then "mother" or "father" is legally, morally and every other way correct.

I'm a mother to three children - two were adopted, one wasn't. But I'm their mum, all of them.

The one that really gets me, though is "adopted brother/sister". I refuse to fill in any forms that says that. Because I adopted them. Their siblings didn't Angry

MaryZombie · 27/10/2013 22:46

x-posted.

If the adoption is final, the birth father isn't relevant. Whether he has given consent is irrelevant.

If the adoption is final, then the father is the father. Full stop.

Xmasbaby11 · 27/10/2013 22:46

But readers love detail, don't they? There's a lot of non essential detail in any journalism, especially about age, appearance, etc. Cut out the detail and a lot of journalism would be basic and dull.

I'm not saying in this particular case it is right, just that it's not surprising.

MaryZombie · 27/10/2013 22:47

DT IS NOT HIS STEPFATHER.

Legally, morally, every way, he is his father.

If the child also has a "birth" father, he must have either given up his rights or not known about it. Either way, he is NOT HIS FATHER at the moment.

MaryZombie · 27/10/2013 22:48

Tom Cruise/Nicole Kidman's children are always referred to as "adopted".

It drives me crazy.

breatheslowly · 27/10/2013 22:50

YANBU - I find it strange when articles list out Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt's children with an explanation of how they happen to have their children.

LostInWales · 27/10/2013 22:51

YANBU bogey and thanks for bringing it up. I hate that sort of journalism, my parents are my parents and I am their daughter, using 'adopted daughter' makes it seem like there is a second tier of child which I most certainly am not. Grrrrrr.