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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to hate this desciption of David Tennants family?

108 replies

Bogeyface · 27/10/2013 22:31

I have noticed that it has happened to Dawn French and Lenny Henry too, but reading about DT earlier prompted me to post.

Reading an article about his new TV series and it said that he was a father of 2 with his wife and "adoptive father" of her eldest child. So......father of 3 then?

DF and LH have always been described as having an adopted child, rather than having a child. Why?

A family is a family regardless of how it comes about and emotionally and legally DT is that childs father, so why make the distinction? Who's business is it and really, who cares?

AIBU to think that the media should stop doing this as it fosters the belief that an adopted child is somehow different from a biological child. In this age of blended families, it seems especially ridiculous to make distinctions.

OP posts:
Original poster
Bogeyface · 27/10/2013 22:54

Caprice has said that she wont name which of her children was her surrogate born (but bio hers and her DH's) and which she carried herself. I am not sure it will work because it was so well documented but I can see why she would want to try to stop that difference being made between them.

Re Tom Cruise, yes that pissed me off too. He is also a father of three, not a father of one with a couple of adopted children too! Its as if the adopted child somehow doesnt count!

OP posts:
Original poster
Bogeyface · 27/10/2013 22:54

using 'adopted daughter' makes it seem like there is a second tier of child

Yes, you put it far more eloquently than me!

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LostInWales · 27/10/2013 23:02

Thanks Blush Grin. I just like seeing threads like this, takes the piss out of the whole point of adoption IMHO when the papers so that. My mum does take the piss out of me though for giving birth, she says it was much easier to get one over the phone Wink.

lilibet · 27/10/2013 23:03

If I ever needed a reason to love Hugh Jackman more it was when he gave an interview about how he hated his children being prefixed with 'adopted'. As an adopted child myself (child?? I'm 50!) it was so good to hear out in the public - I just wish the bloody DM would pay attention to it

Oh Hugh ...

shrieklesoda · 27/10/2013 23:09

I remember as a child being told by another relative that my cousin wasn't really my cousin, and I shouldn't refer to her as such, or include her in my family tree (I was working on a school project which included a family tree) and it's only as an adult that I have realised just what an awful thing that was to say, but I accepted it as a child because I thought that was just how things were.

Original poster
Bogeyface · 27/10/2013 23:09

:o I heart your mum Lost We are a very piss taking family, so I can imagine my mum doing that too!

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Original poster
Bogeyface · 27/10/2013 23:10

I didnt know that about HJ! And as you say, as if we didnt need more reasons to love him,.......

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MaryZombie · 27/10/2013 23:11

Yes, shriek.

My sil called my children "not (her father's) real grandchildren".

I was fucking furious a bit cross.

Original poster
Bogeyface · 27/10/2013 23:11

Oh soda that is awful :(

That, to me, is exactly the sort of attitude this journalism promotes. I hope that you and your cousin are close despite your horrible relative.

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Original poster
Bogeyface · 27/10/2013 23:13

Mary I hope you replied with "But you are a real bitch"

I wonder if she realises just what that says about her? Probably not sadly :(

OP posts:
sapfu · 27/10/2013 23:14

I think it's because there's a certain sort of journalist/editor who is from the dark ages, and can't tell the difference between adoption and childminding.

And yy about detail, but if a story's so dull that you have to whack in shoe sizes and mother's maiden names, maybe it's not actually a story?

Lazy journalism is at the heart of it, I suppose.

MaryZombie · 27/10/2013 23:14

I don't think she realises at all. I don't think she even meant to be a bitch, though obviously she is.

She is a bit thick though. And my children know it Grin

SabrinaMulFUCKERJjones · 27/10/2013 23:18

Yanbu OP.

DontPanicMrMannering · 27/10/2013 23:18

I've never seen this but how horrible!

hettienne · 27/10/2013 23:19

Daily Mail always needs to know whether you were adopted and how much your house was worth.

shrieklesoda · 27/10/2013 23:24

bogey I've only met my cousin once as she lives on the other side of the world. But I do consider her my cousin all the same, In fact, considering her my cousin is a stupid thing for me to say because clearly she is my cousin, that's what adoption is.

I do wonder if it would be any different if they were part of our lives on a daily basis? Maybe it would have been more real to everyone then? Ah, I don't know, I just know it's an awful thing to say.

Original poster
Bogeyface · 27/10/2013 23:27

She is a bit thick though. And my children know it :o

I think we can consider that a win!

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DoJo · 27/10/2013 23:27

I think it is sometimes used as a shorthand to explain how a child can be older than the parents' relationship in the case of a parent adopting their partner's children, which I can understand as it can be easier to explain up front than have to answer the questions which might otherwise ensue.

CanucksoontobeinLondon · 27/10/2013 23:28

As if I needed any more reasons to have a crush on Hugh Jackman...

In all seriousness, though, OP, you are not being unreasonable, the stupid media is. An adoptive parent is a parent, end of story.

Original poster
Bogeyface · 27/10/2013 23:28

soda I dont think it matter if she is in your lives everyday or not, as you say, she is your cousin, end of.

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Original poster
Bogeyface · 27/10/2013 23:30

DoJo You might have a point if it werent for (for example) Dawn French and Lenny Heny or Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman who both adopted babies after being together for several years, but who are still mentioned as "adoptive parents".

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MaryZombie · 27/10/2013 23:35

Yes it is shorthand. Otherwise known as lazy journalism.

But it is still wrong.

Dawn French/Lennie Henry being referred to as adoptive parents is wonger than a wrong thing in wrongsville.

They are the children's parents. Full Fucking Stop.

TheFallenMadonna · 27/10/2013 23:35

My dad is my adoptive father, and I would be not be impressed if anyone, knowing that, referred to him as my step dad Hmm. I have one of them too in fact - not the same.

TheWomanTheyCallJayne · 27/10/2013 23:39

The only time it might be relevant information for someone to know is on medical notes
parents are parents, they are the people who do the parenting

I didn't realise he had two little ones. I remember them announcing olive but hadn't realised they had had a third since.

Kemmo · 27/10/2013 23:44

I agree with TheWomen

There are only two children in total. The description is accurate, although unnecessary perhaps to even mention the adoption.

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