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AIBU?

to hide all threads about depression which pop up on Chat and Aibu?

84 replies

Mintyy · 27/10/2013 20:52

I always feel guilty, but I come on to Mumsnet to look for proper chat (ie. a two-way kinda thing about matters relatively trivial), practical advice, and a laugh.

This is why I have the mental health topic hidden and I would hide relationships if I didn't want to lurk on brave babes.

But aibu?

OP posts:

Report

MaryZombie · 27/10/2013 22:59

Yes BOF - 20 used topics, instead of two used and 578 tumbleweed

BOF · 27/10/2013 22:59

Seriously though, how can we expect desperate people to post in the right place when we have the place cluttered up with categories like "Bikes and ride-ons", and if you click on the A-Z sorter, you can see there are actually three "other" topics.

It's completely out of hand.

Strumpetron · 27/10/2013 23:04

Well we've all managed perfectly well before. If we want to post in chat then let us

Spikeytree · 27/10/2013 23:04

Agent, totally agree with you. Seeing the OP in this thread alone would have been enough to put me off posting anywhere on this site, I think, when I was at my most desperate.

Strumpetron · 27/10/2013 23:05

People would rather hide it and pretend it doesn't exist. Shove it in a subforum, hide the threads.

MaryZombie · 27/10/2013 23:09

I don't think it's that, Strumptron.

It's just that some people have MH hidden for a reason. Or relationships, or breastfeeding, or whatever.

It can be triggering.

Some people (and often vulnerable people) use MN as a distraction, for fun. Seeing lots of difficult threads in chat, which is meant to be a fun topic, can be difficult for them.

AgentZigzag · 27/10/2013 23:13

'It wouldn't be a dark corner though, if we had twenty topics instead of two hundred.'

It is at the moment, and until it's guaranteed to get as many hits as in chat or AIBU, then it's not OK to use someone who is in distress as a guinea pig to encourage others.

Anyone who's feeling they're so low that they'd prefer to die than to go on living with the pain (even if they don't really want to die but just want to stop the pain, even if they're 'attention seeking', something I don't see in a negative light in this situation) can post wherever the fuck they want.

AgentZigzag · 27/10/2013 23:15

Sometimes all a poster might need is a few kind words, not even a whole load of involved support.

BOF · 27/10/2013 23:15

Absolutely, Maryz.

I don't hide MH because I don't give a shit, but because I honestly need MN to keep my spirits up. But if I need some help, then I go to the appropriate topic.

I appreciate that the vast range of topics means that people less familiar with the site will just go "Fuck it, I'll put it in Chat", but they shouldn't have to.

BOF · 27/10/2013 23:17

I've just read your post, AgentZigzag- I totally know what you mean. I'm not suggesting that MNHQ 'banish' threads, for exactly that reason, but that they first sort their topics out and radically trim them, and then have a uniform moving policy.

MaryZombie · 27/10/2013 23:21

I often think that when you go to start a thread, mnhq should have a pop-up saying "would you rather start this thread in a topic" with a link to topics.

But there are too many.

Maybe instead of the topics we have, we should have "I want uncritical support", "I want advice", "What should I do - be honest", "I'm looking for a laugh and a bit of banter" and "I have no idea what's going on".

It would give everyone a guideline as to what the op wants from a thread.

MurderOfBanshees · 27/10/2013 23:22

I don't think the OP is trying to shove MH out of the way at all.

But not everyone is going to be in the right frame of mind to be able to see MH threads, and that's just as fine as posting MH threads in chat and AIBU.

SPsTombRaidingWithCliff · 27/10/2013 23:24

If I needed advice on an important matter then I go straight to chat as its where most people are. Just like my thread about the toddlers hearing, it should have been in children's health but I just went straight to chat.

I have no topics hidden but I will click on threads and if I have no advice I will bump or ignore. If someone sounds desperate for help and no one else has commented then I post so they know they aren't alone.

MaryZombie · 27/10/2013 23:28

SP, I think that is a good reason for getting rid of most of the topics.

Most people post in Chat. So let them - but stop pretending that the topics are there.

Except for Christmas. The Christmas bit really gets to me, as there are people who really (and for very good reason) hate Christmas. They dread it. They should be able to come here and not see a gazillion Christmas threads in Chat and AIBU in September and October.

Others may think I'm just being pedantic. But I'm not. I know it upsets people

AgentZigzag · 27/10/2013 23:30

I think moving 'AIBU to love my new fluffy kitten' over to chat is obviously fine, it's because it's not being discussed in a general way but on a thread about MH that I feel so strongly about it.

The fragility of someone in that situation maybe couldn't take even a suggestion that they're in the 'wrong place', it can be so isolating as it is when people don't understand why (and you don't understand why yourself) it's just a further kick in the head when they don't need it.

SPsTombRaidingWithCliff · 27/10/2013 23:32

There seems to be millions of topics. If the topic list was shorter it might be easier.

MaryZombie · 27/10/2013 23:33

But, AgentZ, the problem isn't that they "have posted in the wrong place". It's more a concern that they won't get good advice in Chat. Whereas they might elsewhere.

I do see what you mean. But I've seen vulnerable posters torn to shreds in aibu, for example, and I just want to move them myself so they get nicer replies.

SPsTombRaidingWithCliff · 27/10/2013 23:36

Mary I know what you mean. There's some really helpful people who stick to certain topics and could help a lot of people but when people post in different topics they seem to be missing out on the help they could have got.

Hope that makes sense.

MilllyMollyMully · 27/10/2013 23:46

Chat is the very best place to post about most sensitive issues, becuase all the personal info disappears forever after X days. Plus because there is so much traffic, you will get lots of helpful responses, and the fast moving traffic means the thread will move swiftly down the Chat list and off the front page pdq.

LyannaStark · 27/10/2013 23:49

Completely agree about Chat.

I haven't hidden a thread in seven years. If the title is triggering I don't click, and if the OP is unsettling I don't open it again. I do have a good memory though so can understand hiding.

AgentZigzag · 27/10/2013 23:50

Sometimes though Maryz, any attention is good attention, and even though there are lovely posters on the MH boards with great advice, it's the contact with another person they're looking for.

Reaching out to other people can be really difficult at times, and if they've made that effort then whether the replies are nice or not can be irrelevant, they're being seen.

BOF · 27/10/2013 23:52

Maybe there should be a tick box in topics for self-destruction after 30 days then?

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MilllyMollyMully · 27/10/2013 23:54

Then a vast archive of useful experience would be lost forever.

MurderOfBanshees · 27/10/2013 23:56

"Reaching out to other people can be really difficult at times, and if they've made that effort then whether the replies are nice or not can be irrelevant, they're being seen."

This is a fair point.

MaryZombie · 28/10/2013 00:33

I don't think that anyone uses the vast archive these days

Everyone starts a new thread.

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