To think that asking an interviewee if they have children should be banned?

[SeaSickSal]

I was made redundant this year, by a company who tend to make women who've taken maternity leave redundant when they come back, but that's another story.

I've been going for interviews and the question of children seems to come up. I have a one and a half year old and as soon as he is mentioned the temperature seems to change in the interview because there seems to be an assumption that because I've had one I will probably be having another fairly soon.

I've actually been asked outright if I'm intending to have more and in one case offered the job but only if I did it on a self employed basis, despite it always being done by an employee before. I am fairly certain they only offered on that basis to avoid maternity pay. Other interviews have been wrapped up fairly quickly after it's been mentioned.

This seems that there is some pretty blatant discrimination going on and I'm getting the impression that private sector jobs are extremely difficult to get in these circumstances.

The question doesn't even come up in public sector interviews.

Am I being unreasonable to think the only way of stopping this kind of discrimination is to ban asking questions about kids in the first place?

Personally my DH earns more because I chose to do a job that fits in well with having a family, but I wouldn't want him to have to leave work in anything other than an emergency because in his job, I'm sure it would count against him when it's time for redundancies to be made. He'd be competing with other men who have SAHMs or no children or much older children.

I honestly don't see the problem with employers wanting the best person for the job, and someone who has reliable childcare and reliable emergency child care will be just as good for a job as someone who is childless.

The asking of the question is not unlawful, using the reply to form part of the decision making criteria is unlawful.

DH is the only one of the two of us who has been asked this question - and it was a woman who asked it.

He was , said that we used a private nursery, and asked he if she had children and if so, what did she do for childcare. She seemed very shocked to be asked the question, but said that her partner's ex had the children so she didn't need to worry about them. He decided there and then that she and the organisation were not suited to him and left.

I have never been asked the question, but it's illegal and I would refuse to answer it.

Banning questions about childcare is not the way forward if women are going to be taken seriously in the workplace. I think everyone should be asked about their plans and there should be an open dialogue between employees and the employer.

I'm in the US. I was laid off last year after I returned to work. I was 4 weeks pregnant when I was let go (so conceived 2 weeks before). My employer hired me when I was 6 months pregnant. The conversation at interview was around how I managed childcare for DD and the 2nd. We talked about how much time I planned to take. I took 8 weeks which was fine by me but they have given me the option to take additional time, either part paid or unpaid for any time over 6 weeks, over the summer and up until December. This is a private profitable company.

We plan to add to our brood and I have no intention of leaving my employer. DH hates that I work long hours. I remind him that they offer true flexibility and properly support me raising my family. I have the option to work on a reduced hours or for certain months of the year in the future. These options are available to all employees. I know of one guy who is raising his siblings. He works December through end of Feb and due to the long hours that we work he earns about 80% of his salary if he were full time.

If a company you are interviewing with takes it negatively that you have children or plan to have more you should thank them for being upfront and tell them it isn't going to be a good fit. I worked with a company who spouted equality and now I work for a company that walks the talk.

Banning questions about childcare is not the way forward if women are going to be taken seriously in the workplace

1. You are not allowed to ask this question in the UK.

1. If women want to be taken seriously??

It's not illegal. Or unlawful which is technically more accurate.

Please don't get employment law advice from a Guardian article or American job search site.

It's unlawful to discriminate. So only asking women would be unlawful, or not giving someone a job because they have children would be unlawful.

Asking the question is very stupid because it gives a clear impression that the employer intends to discriminate, but it's not unlawful in itself.

It's perfectly possible to find out whether someone can be reliable, flexible, stay late or whatever without asking whether they have kids.

WooWooOwl It is interesting how algorithmic people can be: despite the fact that they will describe their lives in terms of an emotional trajectory, lathered with "free choice", and phrases such as "personally, I chose" (which selves agency and implies free choice in decision-making) - it is nevertheless fascinating that, when studied at a distance, it becomes obvious that there is, in fact, far less "personal" decision-making involved.

It may feel very much like a personal decision but you are very much a statistic, one of many, many women who "choose" to work more "family-friendly" hours, for less money, and "support" your husband's "career".

There was an absolutely brilliant thread on mumsnet a while back, started by the wonderful MorningPaper which really did an amazing job of Consciousness Raising on this issue.

I think MrsTerryPratchett is pretty much on the money on this one.

I think that working family-friendly hours is fantastic. But why is it so often the mother who does this? And why is it supporting another partner who doesn't ?

I work for the NHS in Scotland, and we are not allowed to ask that question. Is it a case of best practice rather than being illegal?

I just came on to say that if an employer does ask you that,you can be pretty sure they're not going to be the most family friendly people to work for.

If I'm honest, I would avoid mentioning your son unless necessary - how does the subject of children 'come up' in a work interview? None of their beeswax.

If it does come up, I would go with a simple 'Yes, I have a family, but I have a good childcare system, and back-ups in place to avoid any unnecessary disruption' and move on. No detail on ages or number, just a cheery smile.

I was recently not given an internal job that I really wanted because they were worried I would have another baby. I know this because everything was looking good for me to move teams but then boss asked my work friend who is already on that team if I was likely to have another baby. She said something like 'not right now'. I'm assuming that wasn't a good enough answer because next thing I know they have brought back a male who used to work on that team but left the company because 'he didn't like the culture' and what's more agreed to leave with one weeks notice as he couldn't wait to get out of there. Since he's been back he spends the entire day reading the sports pages on the internet

I on the other hand, am very p*ssed off for all the evenings in the last 2 years since I came back from ML when I have stayed beyond my hours instead of just going home to see DS! I can't bring any of this up with my employer because I wasn't supposed to know about any of the conversations that were going on!

It's very sensible in an organisation with lots of people interviewing to make clear that interviewers should not ask questions of that nature, as asking them opens the organisation up to discrimination claims.

But there is no list of illegal interview questions, despite the fact that so many people are confident that there is such a list.

Sir

1. You might not be 'allowed' to ask the question but clearly employers are asking the question. Should this be stopped - I don't think so. Attitudes need to change and I found this happens when communication is encouraged, not stopped.

1. If you look at most organizations there are few women at the top. Women are not taken seriously at a lot of companies because there is stunted communication about what is going on. The men get ahead because they tell their wives, 'Look I earn more so you stay home, work part time or work in a more junior position.' Childcare then becomes the woman's problem. As this has become the reality there needs to a conversation about how the woman and employer can manage this. The employer should be able to say, 'We need someone whose husband takes an equal role with childcare.' My employer has done this. My relationship partner said I must make DH do his equal share of parenting. DH is on the verge of going into senior management. I am not but I have the potential. I won't make it if I am the one dropping everything to run home because DH deems himself to be more important. I make DH do the emergency dashes whenever possible because he has much more flexibility than I do. If I miss two hours of work it takes me 3-4 hours to catch up. He is in sales so can manage everything from his phone.

I'd like to be asked as it would give me an opportunity to assure them that my family circumstances will not affect my ability to do the job.

I have dc, have reliable childcare and have proven my commitment to my career. I don't want prospective employers to be unable to ask about the above.

flowery: "Please don't get employment law advice from a Guardian article or American job search site."

The Guardian article was written by an employment lawyer: Philip Landau at Landau Zeffertt Weir solicitors.

I expect your next piece of advice will be "don't get employment law advice from employment lawyers."

Sorry that isn't relevant to your OP!

If I was interviewing for a job however, I certainly wouldn't rule someone out who had children. In my experience some of the worst employees we've had have been young and straight out of uni!

It could be construed as discriminatory...
Because it bloody well is! It's assuming that the childcare will be down to you, that you will stay at home, work part-time, look after sick kids.
If 2 people in a relationship want to have children and work/have a career then how come it is always women that are assumed to be taking on the bulk of childcare. How does a long hours working man manage to have his long hours job and a family? Either he outsources all child/family related tasks (and pays someone else to look after his kids, clean his house, organise his social diary) or his female partner does it. This is also an option open to women. So why should anyone ask about childcare (or intent to have children) of a female interviewee but not a male one?

Whether or not you think it should be stopped is immaterial - the discrimination laws in this country are already moving further ahead than you.

There are few women at the top, agreed - but that is not a reason to ask women only what they plan to do for childcare.

"I expect your next piece of advice will be "don't get employment law advice from employment lawyers."

What a bizarre comment hackmum . You are free to assume I am wrong if you like, no skin off my nose. Feel free to search legislation.gov.uk for a list of banned questions if you like.

I am currently recruiting for a role in the private sector.

Being in a large company I am being supported by HR and was given very clear advice to ask all candidates the same questions, not to ask about children and to keep notes on questions asked and answers given in case of claims of discrimination later.

It strikes me as very amateurish to ask questions about someone's children or childcare arrangements.

Having said that I have been asked about children and have normally dealt with it by keeping the answers very brief and uninviting of further question or comment.

He'd be competing with other men who have SAHMs or no children or much older children.

Yeah, he would be competing against other men.

Think about why that is and what you are doing to contribute to that problem

No - they should ask all. I thought I made that clear... My current employer asks everyone as a matter of course. The question is something like, 'Do you have any dependents such as children, disabled or elderly family members?'

I think it is a great question only if your employer has the right mindset. I loved that my employer asked and allowed me to talk about my homelife. I have come accross those who are supported while they care for disabled or elderly family members. What is shocking is that this is in America. So many companies here discriminate and don't ask the question for fear of being accused of being discriminatory. Ironically they are disciminatory! There isn't a conversation and attitudes don't change. Women are hired into admin positions at these companies and don't go very far.

I agree with flowery. It's discrimination that is illegal, not the asking of questions per se.

According to this site in the US "an interviewer can't ask your marital status, if you have children, what your child care situation is, or if you intend to have children (or more children)" - it's illegal.

Isn't it classed as an illegal discriminatory question here in the UK though? WorkingMums has some interesting points