To wish there was a MN Center Parcs support group?

[BoffinMum]

So I appear to have paid £1000 to stay in a damp bungalow and to be bossed about by unsmiling teenage staff members telling me off or telling me I can't do things, right, left and centre. I feel like I am back at boarding school, rather than on holiday. I've actually had a little cry, I'm so frustrated and feel so fleeced and got at. Hold my hand while I pretend to have s good time, people. I may need gin. And Pombears (which I noticed they sell in the Parc Market).

[flowery]

We're going to Elveden.

I've always wondered, what does "well appointed" actually mean?

[Sizzlesthedog]

Doesn't well appointed mean, has cutlery and a toast rack.

[BoffinMum]

Well quite. And if they think I will consent just because there was naice ham in the Parc Market, they are wrong.

I am quite wired as every time I express disquiet DH sends me to Starbucks for yet another coffee (there isn't anywhere to go or do that doesn't involve directly or indirectly spending money, it seems).

I am now about to brace myself to take the kids swimming in the verucca dome. May the Force be with Me.

[PrimalLass]

Whatever you do, do not be fooled into going to the Pancake House. Awful.

[Boardingblues]

Well at least in the pool you can play "Spot the tackiest tattoo", that one kept us amused for hours!

[TwoStepsBeyond]

Verruca dome, love it.

[uptheanty]

We've been to cp all over Europe, France, Holland, Belgium & Germany.
The only one i dudn't enjoy was the UK one just outside Nottingham.

It was a truly terrible experience, the accomodation was crap, the food was crap and everything was overpriced and oversubscribed.

We've booked to go to France over Christmas and am confident it will be fab!

[Slipshodsibyl]

You have my sympathy. It is a rip off and costs a small fortune. There is no way it is cheaper than a cottage in the countryside. Keep smiling. The children will have a nice time.

[BoffinMum]

I mentioned the bumsex thread to DH and he was inspired enough to come up with a new retail opportunity, namely the Center Parcs Sex Shop concession, which could usefully sit in the Sports Plaza, he feels. Merchandise could include handcuffs with CP logos that serve two functions, namely locking up your bike as well as fun and games in the evening, for example. There could also be a sex simulator for lonely people to book in for. Like the golf simulator, but more haptic sensors, presumably. Hosed down between users, like the Serail Suite.

He then mused about whether dogging at Center Parcs would involve bikes in a forest clearing. With or without CP handcuffs.

[BoffinMum]

I mentioned the bumsex thread to DH and he was inspired enough to come up with a new retail opportunity, namely the Center Parcs Sex Shop concession, which could usefully sit in the Sports Plaza, he feels. Merchandise could include handcuffs with CP logos that serve two functions, namely locking up your bike as well as fun and games in the evening, for example. There could also be a sex simulator for lonely people to book in for. Like the golf simulator, but more haptic sensors, presumably. Hosed down between users, like the Serail Suite.

He then mused about whether dogging at Center Parcs would involve bikes in a forest clearing. With or without CP handcuffs.

[uptheanty]

The European parcs don't seem so oversubscribed and they aren't so overpriced, i felt ROBBED at Sherwood and my accomodation was terrible, it had damp!

I stayed in the treehouse in Germany wow! It was so amazing in the woods with a swirly slide as an exit!

[Boardingblues]

After seeing the C4 documentary about dogging, the idea of CP dogging made be do a little sick in my own mouth.

[BoffinMum]

You could enjoy seeing all those beer guts and tattoos up close, whilst shrieking 'I want all of you, Alan' and checking your watch for the time of your next badminton session. Class, that.

[BoffinMum]

You could enjoy seeing all those beer guts and tattoos up close, whilst shrieking 'I want all of you, Alan' and checking your watch for the time of your next badminton session. Class, that.

[IfNotNowThenWhen]

I imagine the Germans would do CP type stuff rather well.
Sorry you are having a rubbish time Boffin.
I looked at CP's for last summer, as many of ds's friends go, and I was like "Hoooow much!!??"
I thought he activities would be all included, but no!
The thing that appealed to me was the fact that ds might find other kids to play with, and could just sort of go off on his own a bit, but in the end we got a nice static caravan on a quiet site by the seaside and twas very nice, although the activities on the site were limited to catching flies that invaded our caravan from the cowfield next door.
Simple pleasures!

[BridgetJonesStoleMyPants]

CP sucks ass. awful. run down and expensive. We actually got locked inside our bungalow when the inside door handle broke off. Oh and there was no back on the remote. Only noticed when I fished a battery out of nephews mouth!! only tip of the iceberg.

we went to bluestone the following year for a fraction of the price .. immaculate accommodation and a hell of a lot more child friendly activities. Oh and no stupid fucking crampted train because your three miles from the little hub of resteraunts and swimming pool

[IfNotNowThenWhen]

Actually, I can imagine some CP customers as respectable middle class swingers...
Maybe that's why Mr Boffin has taken you there OP..?

[BridgetJonesStoleMyPants]

Oh yeah
Pancake House

[Boardingblues]

The CP as Swinger Central idea could be correct. Is there a pampas grass in front of your well appointed lodge?

[BoffinMum]

Do nettles count?

[Lazyjaney]

CP used to be great, but the last time we went about 5 years ago it seemed to be more expensive, run down and graspy than it once was.

[Vivacia]

What's actually gone badly Boffin?

[shewhowines]

The pool was freezing at elvedon when I went. Didnt even venture into the outside bit. Hope its warmer for you.