To be pissed off with DH's moods because he reckons he doesn't get enough sex?

[showmethemoneyhoney]

DH gets mighty moody if he doesn't get "it" at least 3 times a week. We have been together over 20 years, married for 13 of them and have 2 DCs. I am quite happy with once or twice a week. He has a much higher sex drive than me and if he had his way we'd be doing it twice a day, every day. The thing is, if I don't let him have his way, he turns into the most miserable, moody bastard that ever walked this earth. Its awful - the kids ask why Dad is moody and I can hardly tell them the real reason. Its really getting me down. I've tried broaching the subject but I just get a response along the lines of "well you obviously don't love me" or "you should be glad I still fancy you". Sometimes I've done the deed just to get him off my back. Its not that I don't love him, I do, but I wish he would stop pestering me the whole time and quit with the bad moods when his testosterone levels get a bit high.

What would he do if his wife died and he had to go without regular sex for a few months before finding a replacement living wank-sock?

Would the kids have to put up with him being moody and miserable and pissed off on top of grieving for their mother?

Or if she was ill and indisposed for a year with a serious illness which precluded sexual activity?

Would he have to arrange for a helpful neighbour to come in and sexually service him so that he could function reasonably?

I mean really. [Disbelief]

Sorry haven't read the whole thread. My DH was a grumpy git, not about sex, in fact I don't know why but it is dispiriting to live with.

I on the other hand was pretty cheerful (you want DCs to have a happy home) regardless. Anyway I turned the tables, snapped his bluddy head off, slammed a few doors, he was gobsmacked - what was wrong? what's the matter? I can't even remember what it was. It really woke him up.

So I would turn the tables and next time you have had sex be angry and unpleasant, and when he asks what's wrong say you feel like a blow up f..ing doll / f..ing prostitute or similar ( a few swear words help) and see if it surprises him enough to change his attitude. If DCs comment you can say you are sick of living with a moody grump, they will have noticed his behavior and will prob sympathise.

Oh, didn't mean DCs should hear comments about feeling like blow up doll. Just that they will wonder why DM is angry.

Mamabear17 has some good suggestions. wish I'd thought of that

I'm surprised at the amount of people who have advised that I should leave my DH to be honest. In all other ways he is a good husband and has been very supportive over the last few years when I have wanted to pursue things outside of the home. I'm not going to go into too much detail for fear of outing myself. I may have come across as some 'little woman' type who panders to his every need but I can assure you I am not. I do not want to end my marriage, at the end of the day I love him and we have had many, many good shared experiences. I guess what I need to do is explain to him in no uncertain terms how his behaviour affects all of us, not just me and perhaps offer to seek some sort of counselling to see if we can sort this out as a couple. Having said all that, this thread has helped me to recognise that this behaviour is not right and he does not have an entitlement to sex. I guess I did already know this but it has helped to see that others feel the same, albeit more vehemently than I feel myself.

I often want more sex than DH (he has a physical job and is often just too exhausted). I have been guilty of nagging to DTD before and, when arguing about it have pulled the 'At least I want you' argument although I've regretted it afterwards.

I do try not to nag about it though and, if DH admonishes me I apologise and try to modify my behaviour.

I won't join the LTB crowd, but I do think he needs to get a grip (perhaps literally).

Does he have hands?

Then it's not about sex is it? It's about him controlling you.

You have no reason to be 'glad he still fancies you', he's your husband he is supposed to love you.

He doesn't get you to do exactly what he wants, so has a hissy fit and sulks, so much he upsets the kids. That is not normal adult behaviour, that is a spoiled brat.

What sort of example is he giving his children?

Showmethemoneyhoney glad you're now more confident that you have the right to refuse to accept this behaviour anymore and hope things go well with the counselling.

I think it was about 50-50, and I definitely don't think you should leave him. But it is time to be blunt.

If he does have other problems and he is seeking something else then it's time to get it all out on the table - he is a grown man. But making you feel like and object is not on.

Good luck with the discussion. X

this thread has helped me to recognise that this behaviour is not right and he does not have an entitlement to sex

Now that you have acknowledged that, you need to know where you are going with it. Are you going to continue having sex against your will to protect your children?

If not, what will you change. How will you respond to him differently?

It's difficult because your options are limited. Basically you either have sex with him or put up with his moods because you aren't prepared to make a stand.

The most important thing here is that you're happy and safe op. When it comes to sex, you really should only have it when you want it. If he knows you don't want it and are only doing it to placate him, he has some issues that really need addressing. Sex isn't a thing you
can just "do" whether you want it or not, or else it starts losing its meaning. It stops being the act between a loving woman and her husband, and becomes a chore.

If you insist on staying with him for all the reasons you love him, then his behaviour needs addressing and changing, not yours. Don't agree to any "x times a week" negotiations as suggested up post. I would just use counselling to explain why his behaviour isn't acceptable.

There is nothing wrong with not wanting sex, but there is something very wrong with an adult bullying someone into sex.