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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Children should be seen and not heard?

85 replies

Pinkpinot · 25/10/2013 18:22

Is this just an old fashioned outdated sentiment
My mil has just said it to my ds
Really fucked me off

OP posts:
Original poster
Pinkpinot · 25/10/2013 19:13

She is also always making digs about how much he talks ( she can talk)
And today she said to him "why can't you just be yourself for one second" when every time he threw a bowling ball he did it as a different ben10 alien!!
She's showing her irritation with him
And it's really getting to me

OP posts:
Original poster
Pinkpinot · 25/10/2013 20:47

And she's had my tweezers for 2 weeks now
I asked for them back and she made a big song and dance about having to go to the chemist to buy some. I lent them to you, but I still need them!

OP posts:
Fakebook · 25/10/2013 20:50

I wouldn't share my tweezers with anyone. Yuck.

Alexandrite · 25/10/2013 20:52

It sounds like she said it because she was taken aback that he said she was rude.

alwaysneedaholiday · 25/10/2013 20:54

I think we need a bit more of this Wink

PosyNarker · 25/10/2013 21:17

Hrm, I think it's outdated, but it was said to me often growing up, but I was a confident gobby child.

I think there's a balance between letting kids understand that they ought to defer to some adults (parents, family, teachers) and be generally respectful towards grown ups and giving them the freedom to express themselves.

Kids don't always get social cues, so if adults don't guide them then how will they recognise them when they grow up?

I also think your DS was a bit rude. I know he's only little, but at that age he should surely bring up any issues with granny with you rather than challenge her head on. I'm not surprised she said that in the circumstance.

gobbin · 25/10/2013 21:23

Hmm a bit on the fence on this one. I'm all for politeness and respect on all sides, but also believe that adults in some contexts take priority over children.

I'm not keen on the idea that 'my child is speaking therefore everyone must listen to his every word' pfb-stylee which I've witnessed, especially where an adult conversation has been interrupted to listen.

However, in the OP's case it really does sound like MIL has tired of her grandchild and it's time to go home. I can sympathise with this as I find younger children hard work after quite a short time. An older relative would perhaps find the frankness of being told she's rude quite...well, rude.

littlegem12 · 25/10/2013 21:32

I really want to say she's in the wrong cos it's a horrible saying.
I used to look after a six year old who corrected adults though and I got a vision of him reading the situation. (yuk)

Original poster
Pinkpinot · 25/10/2013 21:38

I'm not keen on let's drop everything while the child speaks, and obviously he hasn't learnt any tact yet, I don't think they do at 5? he's quite sharp but not usually cheeky.
But he had mentioned it nicely a couple of times
Tbh I find her very rude, not just talking over people but in her whole manner.
She thinks she's right about everything and soooo opinionated

OP posts:
pixiepotter · 25/10/2013 22:09

a five year old should not be correcting his grandmother

Original poster
Pinkpinot · 25/10/2013 22:12

Why not pixie?

OP posts:
LindyHemming · 25/10/2013 22:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Misspixietrix · 25/10/2013 22:22

What pointythangs said. Its outdated at best.

Original poster
Pinkpinot · 25/10/2013 22:25

Should there be an automatic deference just because they are older?

That's very difficult to explain to a 5 year old
Yes, granny is always right, even though she's doing everything we tell you not to do

OP posts:
Alisvolatpropiis · 25/10/2013 22:28

I really don't think I'd take well to having a child tell me they were speaking so I should be quiet.

There is such a thing as respecting your elders and it is a valid concept.

Alisvolatpropiis · 25/10/2013 22:29

pink

The majority have managed to do so for years before you ever had a child.

Original poster
Pinkpinot · 25/10/2013 22:37

That sounds rather like a suggestion that I'm being precious Ali

OP posts:
Alisvolatpropiis · 25/10/2013 22:47

It was a statement of fact. If I felt you were being precious I'd say so outright.

I was under the impression you weren't but were generally arsed off with your mil.

pixiepotter · 25/10/2013 22:49

i dlove to be a fly on the wall when this self important son oe yours speaks to ao adult at school like that

Original poster
Pinkpinot · 25/10/2013 22:53

I am so pissed off with her and I'm really irritated at everything she does, and I'm actually quite relaxed usually
But her relationship with ds is the worst bit.
She says the strangest things, and she goads him( just wanting his attention I guess) but I feel like he wants to shout "just leave me alone"

I know I do!
He asked me today if we could just go out together, just me and him Sad

OP posts:
Original poster
Pinkpinot · 25/10/2013 22:55

Pixie, that's a bit mean
He's not self important and he would never be cheeky to a teacher

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TeamSouthfields · 25/10/2013 22:56

Hate the saying!!!

Olbasoil · 25/10/2013 22:57

My sister in law said this to ds1 when he was about six. He replied
" Ha, fat chance"!

Original poster
Pinkpinot · 25/10/2013 22:57

He is challenging a member of his family with something I have told him directly is wrong. Can you not see how that might be confusing?
Yes in an ideal world all our children would have manners and tact and diplomacy from the day they were born, but life's not like that is it?

OP posts:
Alisvolatpropiis · 25/10/2013 23:17

I think it's important to teach him some people are rude and there is nothing you can do about it. Even if that person is his Grandma and therefore someone you could reasonably expect better behavior from.

It's really weird that she's deliberately seeking to aggravate a small child, her own grandson. I am not saying I don't believe you by the way, just that it's really odd behavior! There are easier ways of getting a persons attention.