Childcare and friends - am I unreasonable in thinking you shouldn't have to pay them?

[beansmum]

I need before school childcare for a week in November, I've advertised at uni for a student to do it and of course I would pay them. I mentioned it on facebook and a friend says she'll do it, for the same pay.

I would have been a bit annoyed anyway, I wouldn't ask a friend to pay me. Also, a student would come to my house and do breakfast etc, my friend would want me to drop ds off at her place and she'd walk him to school with her son. She's going to school anyway so I'm not sure what I'd be paying her for.

But to make it even worse, last year I looked after her son every morning for a term, gave him breakfast, got him ready and walked him to school and didn't even think of asking for money.

I've just replied on facebook - "um, no thanks, unless you want to pay me for looking after your ds last year?"

Unreasonable? Or a bit snarky but not unnecessarily so?

yabu - she is doing something you where going to pay for - pay her

I was going to say yabu but then I got to the last bit. Yanbu.

based on your thread title i was going to say yabu... but given that she took full advantage of free childcare from you then no, yanbu in this case!

i don't think you should ever expect people to offer you free childcare. I certainly wouldn't.

YABU, you are paying her for the commitment.

I am not saying it's fair but your reply was very snarky - if you wanted payment for looking after her ds then you should have asked for it.

Yabu, when you decided to do the same for her last year you expected no pay for it, that was your choice.
So her choice is to ask to be paid. I would be a bit if I was your friend to receive this reply.

It's cheeky of her if you've already given her childcare!

No, I wouldn't expect to pay or be paid by a friend. Friends do favours, They don't charge.

Not unreasonable at all. Cheeky mare. And even if you didn't have her child last year I'd never dream of charging a friend like this!

Bloody hell, YANBU, and I'm at the people who say you are.

Even without last years situation, a friend shouldn't ask for money to help out with your kids. Certainly not in my social circles, maybe we are odd.

But given you did it for her, I am at her cheek!

Yanbu, you would think your friend would return the favour!! It's only fit a week after all.

I think she's very cheeky in proposing that you pay her and not in returning the favour. Bloody cheek! I actually said "What!" on reading that she'd let you look after her DS for a term and thinks it's a reasonable proposition.
However, I wouldn't have responded publicly as you did. Probably by PM if not brave enough to do so in person. I think you're spot on, though.

I would never ask or expect to be to be paid for looking after a friends child, even if they had advertised elsewhere that they would pay!

I was about to say YAB a bit U. But as you did the same last year for a lot longer and for free, then she should offer to do it as a favour.

Good on you for replying with that comment, she's really cheeky to want paying after you helped her out in the same way.

Keep us updated on her reply!

If you hadn't looked after her ds I would say yabu but given that you did I think she should be prepared to return the favour. In general terms though I would prefer to feel I was paying a friend rather than putting myself in her debt and feeling she was always doing me a massive favour.

I probably shouldn't have said anything on facebook - I could have just ignored her but I was, temporarily, seriously pissed off. Now I'm less pissed off and more worried that she's going to be upset.

I don't expect anyone to give me free childcare, I always offer to pay if someone does proper babysitting, in my house. If they refuse I always leave lots of cakes and yummy things and buy a bottle of wine or flowers. But if ds is just fitting in with what they're doing anyway I don't think I should pay for that.

YANBU

friends are there to help each other ~ she is not a friend IMO

To all the people saying YABU -

Do you genuinely pay your friends for looking after your kid?

Like, as a permanent, regular arrangement then maybe... But babysitting? Seriously?!

Stop living your life on Facebook...

I too was reading thinking YABU until I got to the last part..

I would have been outraged and reacted similarly!

God if we get paid for babysitting for friends I must be owed thousands.

Thanks BouquetFanjo, but nope. I spend my day, and most of the night, sitting alone studying. Most of my friends are in the same situation. Facebook is how we stay sane.

YANBU - I can't believe she hasn't offered anyway to help you out (as you did her).

I'd expect payment if it was just a mum at school not a friend. It's a responsibility and a commitment.
If it was a friend we normally trade wine or chocolate to say thanks.
If children are close friends in the same class we don't bother with anything and make sure we return favours.

I think she should have offered her services for free considering you took her child in for weeks recently.

I think my conclusion is (a) I shouldn't have to pay a friend for this (b) I was probably a little too bitchy for a public reply (c) I'm not really that bothered actually because (d) she's not a great friend.