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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask for seats on public transport at 26 weeks pregnantt

110 replies

Babysealion · 24/10/2013 08:24

Or am I not far enough along yet? Confused
I commute to and from work on the train everyday. Fair enough it's only a 25 minute journey but the majority of the time the train is packed and there's hardly any seats. Last week I asked one guy to move his bag so I could sit down and said I'm pregnant and he said 'where am I supposed to put it?' And I didn't want to make a scene so I just left it but no one else offered me their seat either despite the entire carriage over hearing our exchange.
So this week I've been too worried to ask for seats but this morning a very nice man offered me his. I have a fairly big bump so it's obvious I am pregnant and have been referred to physio as I have quite a bit of pelvic and hip pain and discomfort going on.
My question is AIBU to ask/want a seat on public transport or is this only for heavily pregnant ladies?

OP posts:
Beccagain · 24/10/2013 11:38

Just going off on a nostalgic tangent, I fondly remember the time in 1981 when I was actually pregnant and got on a full bus and stood in the gangway, strap hanging, (single decker, not in London) and the bus driver waited a bit and then yelled 'This bus is going NOWHERE until someone lets that lady sit down'

How I love being the centre of attention blushed! Blush

Goldenhandshake · 24/10/2013 11:50

OP I am 18 weeks and have had to start being a bit more assertive, I use London transport and have a baby on board badge and the amount of voluntary blindness that suddenly occurs when I get on to a train carriage is astounding, a medical marvel really Hmm.

However, as I have started to feel more and more faint on the tube as my pregnancy has progressed, I know if I don't get a seat, I will faint, the only way to prevent it is to sit down, so I have had to over come my natural instinct to not make a fuss and be quite brazen about requesting a seat if I am not offered one. You need to take this attitude too, for your own safety and your baby's.

Only once has someone tried to tell me 'no', to which my response was, 'fair enough, but when I faint at your feet within the next three minutes and the whole train has to stop and will be delayed, I will make sure to point you out loud and clear when I do come round and the whole carriage is pissed off because they are late for work'. They soon moved Grin

Coupon · 24/10/2013 12:10

YANBU

CinammonGirl · 24/10/2013 12:18

Yanbu

I suffered pain in my hips and pelvis when pregnant and have asked for a seat on public transport. People can be gits though. My car broke down on my way to work while I was obviously heavily pregnant and I was stood at the side of the road in the dark, on my own, in the pouring rain in slow moving rush hour traffic and not one person stopped to ask if I needed help. Not one!

mummytime · 24/10/2013 12:34

I would have told him to remove his bag, and sat there. He paid for a seat for himself not his bag! You don't have to be pregnant to ask for a seat.

BTW in London, during the Olympics, my DH felt really ill, and people happily gave up their seat for him. London isn't that bad really!

BlackbeltinBS · 24/10/2013 12:38

I'd offer to sit on Bagman's lap or bag, and he can choose which. What a rude man.

chipshop · 24/10/2013 12:41

Wow, that bag man would have given me the rage. What a selfish twat.

Willemdefoeismine · 24/10/2013 12:52

When I was pregnant with DC1 I found that middle-aged men were by far the greatest offenders at not giving up their seats. In fact young men were every bit as helpful as women in that respect. But because most of the seats seemed to be inhabited by unchivalrous men of a certain age, it was nigh on impossible to ever get a seat even when heavily pregnant. For that reason I started using the bus although the journey could take me up to two hours on a bad day...

2tiredtoScare · 24/10/2013 12:58

I've spent 3 pregnancies commuting and never been offered a seat but if you need it you should ask, I would've told bag man to put it up his arse

Andcake · 24/10/2013 12:58

I was pregnant in London and mostly someone always noticed the badge.
Very frustrating about the man and his bag - but saying that the worse response I had to asking a favor due to pregnancy was in York. I was desperate for the loo - asked a cafe owner if i could use their customer loo who shouted at me saying I was cheeky and should buy something. i left a bit teary and DP nearly ran into cafe and had a go back. The a pub landlord cleaning up from the night before let me into his closed pub to use the loo - it was on a Sunday morning ;-(

Mummyoftheyear · 24/10/2013 13:01

Tell the next rude person that you're happy to stand but tend to be sick if you do so.

2tiredtoScare · 24/10/2013 13:01

Saying that though I used to dread Elderly, infirm or Pregnant people getting on the train/bus after a long day at work as I could never sit there and watch them struggle but sometimes you'd love to stay sitting!

bigbuttons · 24/10/2013 13:05

Actually most people in London are brilliant at giving up seats. I have seen more consideration and kindness there than elsewhere.

2tiredtoScare · 24/10/2013 13:08

I used to get the overground into London, now that was hell

MrTumblesKnickers · 24/10/2013 13:11

"Typical anti London sentiment on here even when told this happened in the north! I've seen plenty of pregnant women offered seats on London transport."

I commuted on London transport until after my due date and was always, always offered a seat. Without fail.

specialsubject · 24/10/2013 13:15

I would have thrown the bag out of the carriage! Anyone gets a seat over an inanimate object.

I agree that it is always dangerous to assume a woman is pregnant unless she has reached the point where it could be nothing else. Also pregnancy isn't an illness.

can you change your hours/ work from home etc etc?

Beccagain · 24/10/2013 13:16

I commuted on London transport until after my due date and was always, always offered a seat. Without fail.

Possibly because no-one had ever seen a pregnant man before MrTumbleknickers Grin

(But I agree with you about the friendliness/helpfulness of Londoners. Second to nowehere)

FromagePlease · 24/10/2013 13:19

To add another London perspective, I commute daily on the tube and am 28 weeks. I've very rarely had to stand, and am usually offered seats (I wear the badge) unless I'm so hidden in the crowd that the people in seats can't see me.

I have now started asking. I quietly ask someone in a priority seat if they particularly need it (and they might, which is fair enough) or would they mind if I sat down. So far I've not had a bad reaction, but my heart does race every time.

You just need to as. What's the worst that could happen?

juniper9 · 24/10/2013 14:16

When I was 6 months pregnant my DP and I tried to get the last tube home. It turned out one of the other lines was closed, and so there were twice as many people gettinug my tube, and everyone was panicky because it was the last one. I managed to get on but it was so busy that people were pushing themselves on by using their feet against the door way. I ended up expressing my concern screaming like a banshee that they were going to knock me over. No-one offered me a seat, although one bloke did ask me if I was ok (I was on the verge of tears as I tried to avoid my bump being bashed around).

I had hit and miss experiences in London. Some people would jump out of their seats and declare me pregnant to the whole carriage, but mostly I was blanked. I didn't commute though- just out in the evenings.

HoldMeCloserTonyDanza · 24/10/2013 14:49

I am not a native Londoner but I have never, ever had a problem being offered a seat in the Underground when I needed one.

There was a Newsnight bit on this last week and their journalist was offered a seat on every journey she took.

SourSweets · 24/10/2013 17:13

Before I was pregnant I didn't understand why you'd need a seat unless you were about to burst.

But I quickly realised. The tiredness, dizzy spells, nausea, muscle aches, headaches, weird claustrophobic feeling, clicky hips, palpitations, I could go on.

Get a seat if you need one, or ask if the sitter would prefer to continue sitting while covered in vomit.

bubalou · 24/10/2013 17:54

Bag man had no fucking excuse - twat!

Just bare I mind some people might not want to offer - not out of being rude but fear!

About 3 years ago I offered my seat on the train to a woman who looked very obviously pregnant - she wasn't fat at all but had a large pregnant looking tummy.

Yes you guessed it - she wasn't pregnant! I've never had the opportunity to give up my seat to a pregnant woman since but I've always been terrified of asking people about their bumps unless I'm 100% sure! Shock

Mim78 · 24/10/2013 18:00

Oh my god he thought the bag needed a seat more than you! That is terrible! He should have stood up for you if needs be, never mind moving his bag.

Of course you need a seat at 26 weeks pregnant. It is not just for heavily pregnant women - on all the signs it just says pregnant, never mind that common sense clearly dictates you should have one. Or some signs just say "less able to stand" which you clearly are from the outset of pregnancy.

In the very early stages you will be feeling v sick and tired so should be able to ask for a seat then, provided you are willing to "out" yourself as pregnant.

I am 23 weeks and have been asking for seats for ages. I live in London. I have a tfl "baby on board" badge - you must get one of those as has been stated above. You do need to be assertive unfortunately. Even with the badge (I don't show very much it's true) no one offers me a seat, I have to ask. But that is mostly because they are determinedly not looking up in case a pregnant or elderly person or someone of crutches gets on!

But a BAG!!! Now I've heard everything.

Mim78 · 24/10/2013 18:01

PS - I travel on overground trains from South London and not the tube.

thebody · 24/10/2013 18:05

agree with bubalo. bag man was rude and definatly needed telling.

not sure if I would personally want to assume a woman was pregnant as could just be fat.

also don't assume just because you can't see a bad back/knee that it's not there and tbh not every pregnant person is in some sort of agony are they.

I was a lot fitter in my 4 pregnancies than I am now with back problems.