To ask for seats on public transport at 26 weeks pregnantt

[Babysealion]

Or am I not far enough along yet?
I commute to and from work on the train everyday. Fair enough it's only a 25 minute journey but the majority of the time the train is packed and there's hardly any seats. Last week I asked one guy to move his bag so I could sit down and said I'm pregnant and he said 'where am I supposed to put it?' And I didn't want to make a scene so I just left it but no one else offered me their seat either despite the entire carriage over hearing our exchange.
So this week I've been too worried to ask for seats but this morning a very nice man offered me his. I have a fairly big bump so it's obvious I am pregnant and have been referred to physio as I have quite a bit of pelvic and hip pain and discomfort going on.
My question is AIBU to ask/want a seat on public transport or is this only for heavily pregnant ladies?

[Babysealion]

Nice to know I'm not BU :)
I am quite reluctant to ask for seats as I always do think 'what if this person does have back/knee/health problems and does genuinely need this seat more than me?' but from now on I think I'll be asking the people in the priority seats if they need them, and if they don't please could I have it as I'm 26 weeks pregnant.
Changing my hours or working from home isn't an option either.

[Rushyswife]

I think in response to his 'where shall I put my bag?' I would have said 'preferably over your head to prevent you saying anything else so stupid' but I am an arsey cow!

Definitely ask people, people are generally a million miles away/half asleep/ listening to music/reading so don't pick up on things in the way they should.

Hope you get seats from now on!

[kiwiscantfly]

I used to take the train (25 min journey) into Paddington and occasionally I wouldn't get a seat in the morning and no one ever offered and I always made sure my coat was unbuttoned so you could see my bump. I never minded asking on the tube but since the trains cost so much for some reason I felt bad. From 30 weeks I sat in first class on the way home (you cane even get a pass, but I didn't ) It's funny how oblivious some people can be?

[HopeS01]

Another London commuter here ... If no one offers I always ask Don't be shy!
It's not just about feeling uncomfortable/faint/achey, pregnant women are entitled to sit down because it would be very dangerous if the train suddenly stopped and they fell over or someone fell into the bump.

Please ask for a seat and never feel ashamed about that, you're protecting your baby.

[MesM]

Getting a baby on board badge would be a good call. Have had mine 4 weeks and have been offered a seat on the tube in that London every day. People have even been friendly and chatty.

Was in Paris for work this week and despite the metro always being a nasty, cramped, pushing, shoving free for all someone still offered me a seat. Such is the power of baby on board!

[happyfrogger]

If you felt you needed it, then YANBY to ask. YABU to expect, because many people feel totally fine at that stage. its really a chivalry thing IMHO. I was at least 7 months before it was obvious when dressed. I didn't expect anyone to automatically offer - you never know who is in need of a seat for whatever reason. And many people may not like to ask for a seat when others can't see why, for fear of looking like a wally or having eyes rolled.

I needed to sit down far more in the first trimester because I felt sick. I didn't like to announce my brand new pregnancy to the whole tube, but if I didn't say why some people give you attitude, which is unpleasant unfortunately.

Bottom line, if you need, accept that you should ask. But I wouldn't assume to 'play the pregnancy card' just because you can, and expect - you may be turfing someone out their seat who really is suffering more!!

[PaperPomPom]

You shouldn't feel bad asking. My train into London stops so many times that I don't look up at every stop from my reading, but always feel awful if I haven't moved for someone who needs a seat. I'm not pregnant, but I was astonished by how kind people were when I had a funny turn on the train a few weeks ago; jumping out of seats to stop me falling on the floor and giving me water. It made me feel better about commuting if I become pregnant.

[sporktacular]

People are much less likely to speak up or offer to help when they're in a crowd. Studied this in Psychology although I can't now remember what the phenomenon is called, I think something to do with conformity.

Basically try asking one specific person on the bus if they would mind giving up their seat for you. This is much more likely to work than asking the whole bus full of people in general - when we do this for some reason everyone hopes that someone else will react. When you ask one specific person, that person will either give you their seat (highly likely) or explain that they have a bad back too or whatever, in which case the person next to them is probably fairly likely to offer their seat instead.

Choosing one person to ask makes it impossible for them to ignore you and actually puts quite a bit of social pressure on them to help you, whereas asking a crowd of people in general creates the social pressure on them all not to single themselves out.

[HopeS01]

I disagree with you, Happyfrogger, it is safer for a pregnant person to sit, whether you are feeling okay or not.
People should offer if they notice that you are pregnant, because that is good manners, just as they should for the elderly or less able to stand.

[sporktacular]

Sorry, train, not bus, in your case.

I tend to just move things myself if people stupidly put them in the way and are very slow to move them, e.g. other people's trollies in supermarkets, suitcases in train aisles...

Can't believe the guy actually not moving his bag for you though. If it really needed to go on a seat then he should have stood and offered you the seat he was sitting in.

Most trains and buses have specially marked "priority" seats, BTW, for elderly, disabled and pregnant people to use. Anyone can sit there but if they are needed by someone "less able to stand" then they have to be given up.

Check if your train has a priority seat, and ask the person sitting in that seat to let you sit there.

[PaperPomPom]

Ooh spork I saw something about that on the television a few weeks ago. They were talking about emergencies, that rather than saying "someone help!" Generally singling someone out is better, for example, "you in the blue jumper! I need help!" as it is harder to ignore and assume someone else is helping.

[birdsnotbees]

I live ooop north and when pregnant never had a problem - and in fact one very kind man offered me a seat this morning. I'm not pregnant but I worked until 1am last night (it was 8am the following day) so he must have seen how unbelievably knackered I was. I could have kissed him.

I did visit London when massively pregnant and it was ace. I waddled onto a full tube, hung off one of the poles, panting, and said "can anyone give a very pregnant woman a seat please?" Three men shot up out of their seats, and one even gave my mum a seat too. I also was allowed to jump the queue on the London Eye. Tbf, I was about to pop...

Really can't believe Bag Man, nor the fact that no one else said 'WTAF?" to him. I would have, on your behalf!

[LadyMedea]

On the worry of asking someone to give up their seat if they have an invisible disability (which I do) just ask those in the priority seats 'are you able to stand?' If someone asked me this I can just say 'sorry I can't' but I don't then have to explain myself to a stranger.

[Coupon]

YANBU to expect a seat if you needed one. Other people can't judge how you are feeling so should give you the benefit of the doubt and take your word for it.

[Mintyy]

Hmmm. Really don't believe he said "where am I supposed to put it?" when you asked him to move his bag. Just don't believe that at all.

[Babysealion]

Why don't you believe it Mintyy?
The train was packed, he had his bag on the seat next to him and by the looks of it didn't want to inconvenience himself by having to put it in the overhead luggage space as it was a fairly large bag. Still don't know why that means that I should have had to stand up and in hindsight I should have stood up for myself.

[Mintyy]

Why don't I believe it? Because it just seems so completely unlikely of course!

The train was packed and people were standing and you asked if he could move his bag so you could sit down and he said "where else am I supposed to put it?"

I am veteran of 30ish years of using overcrowded public transport in London but have never witnessed such an exchange, or heard of similar from anyone I know, so that is what makes me find it unbelievable.

[persimmon]

I lived in London for years and was always amazed at how quickly and politely people gave up their seats for the elderly, pregnant, blind, etc. I also saw no end of people help others with pushchairs on escalators, etc. It's usually people who've never lived in London who have these misconceptions.
However, OP, ask for a seat if you need one. And the man with the bag was an utter twat.

[lifehasafunnywayofhelpinguout]

Where is he supposed to put it ? I was brought up too much of lady to say where, but let's just say where the sun doesn't shine!!!! Rude obnoixious man. xx

[ColderThanAWitchsTitty]

where am I supposed to put it?'

I am sorry.. he said whaaat?


Sit on it next time. Or throw it. The wank stain

[ColderThanAWitchsTitty]

But first say,

Well you could try holding it you lazy fucker.


Then throw it.

[ColderThanAWitchsTitty]

The joys of public transport!

I remeber bein on the tube bumping dd down every stair in her pram.. while being pushed past no one stopping to offer and no one slowing down enough to be asked.

An American woman and her partner walks past me and she turns to him and says, "seriously? You aren't going to offer help her down the stairs?" He looked suitable shamed!

[Notanotherusername]

Say: Sorry, can I have a seat please? I am pregnant and I feel I am about to vomit (make appropriate sound) try to do this to whoever is sitting in the disabled/pregnant/older people/woman and child sign if they do not give up their seat and they are not any of those mentioned, you can legally ask them to move. But usually they will give up their seat and/or other people will.
Be assertive. I did this on the underground because I fainted twice for being 'brave' and no one cares. My blood pressure was always very low.

[EugenesAxe]

YANBU and actually, like notanother I often felt most in need of a seat in the invisible months, when very nauseous and prone to swoons.

The point is, every pregnancy is different and whether the world is aware of complications such as hip pain or not, if you want a seat you should bloody get it at ANY stage.

[TondelayoSchwarzkopf]

I came here to defend London Underground but see that almost EVERYONE has piled on as well. So here goes...commuted on the tube every day until 38 weeks, travelled regularly on LT until 41 weeks, always offered a seat - usually by young men or women rather than middle-aged men. Almost always offered a hand with the pram onto buses and up stairs. DS is usually offered a seat as well.

My mum came down for a weekend recently and got offered a seat on every tube journey. She was a bit dismayed to be honest, she's only 67!

he said 'where am I supposed to put it?'

"In the space where your brain should be?"

YANBU.