To ask for seats on public transport at 26 weeks pregnantt

[Babysealion]

Or am I not far enough along yet?
I commute to and from work on the train everyday. Fair enough it's only a 25 minute journey but the majority of the time the train is packed and there's hardly any seats. Last week I asked one guy to move his bag so I could sit down and said I'm pregnant and he said 'where am I supposed to put it?' And I didn't want to make a scene so I just left it but no one else offered me their seat either despite the entire carriage over hearing our exchange.
So this week I've been too worried to ask for seats but this morning a very nice man offered me his. I have a fairly big bump so it's obvious I am pregnant and have been referred to physio as I have quite a bit of pelvic and hip pain and discomfort going on.
My question is AIBU to ask/want a seat on public transport or is this only for heavily pregnant ladies?

[womma]

I have to say I've never had a problem getting a seat in L

[pigletmania]

Yanbu at all. You sound like you need it with your added health problems. As for bag man I would have told him to stick it where the sun don't shine.

[pigletmania]

Yes get a baby on board badge too

[womma]

I have to say I've never had a problem getting a seat on tubes and trains in London.

OP, I'm going to get a baby on board badge today, shall I get an extra one for you?

And of course you can ask (or indeed tell people) to give you a seat. Even if you have to ham it up a bit by clutching your stomach and doing some huffing and puffing!

[ifyourehoppyandyouknowit]

You should move a bag for anyone on a busy train. Unless your bag bought a bloody ticket. Seats are for people, not luggage.

YANBU at all.

[lottieandmia]

YANBU to ask in your situation I think. However, you should never let someone get away with taking up a seat with a bag that is absolutely not on whether you're pregnant or not. I have seen it myself and it was always rightly challenged. In fact, when I used to travel a lot by train there would be an announcement that passengers were not to take up seats with bags.

[Longtalljosie]

I agree - two pregnancies while commuting in London and no probs at all. I did have to ask for the priority seat occasionally but that's more because people tend to zone out on the tube.

OP - keep asking. And have your "back-up" response ready if someone is difficult. Mine was "well, unfortunately you're sitting in a priority seat and as you can see from the sign I have priority - so can you please move". I never had to use it - but having it up my sleeve gave me confidence

[cantreachmytoes]

A bag?! Did his bag have a ticket?

It wasn't just one rude man, it was a carriage of people, because nobody else offered and nobody else challenged him about his bag.

I'm loving all of the suggestions!

After experiencing things like this in my pregnancies, I vowed to make sure my children learned about giving up their seats - or offering - to those who need them more. It won't get better for us when we're old and decrepit, if we don't teach our kids!

[Binkybix]

Defo not unreasonable to ask! Another Londoner here who always got offered a seat. I found people to be exceedingly helpful on public transport.

Bag man and the others who didn't help were tossers.

[Thingymajigs]

This isn't just an issue in London. In a village in the East Midlands I've been refused a seat by a grown man wanting a seat for his bag. I've also seen grown men push and shove very small children who were holding on to bars to get to a suddenly free seat.
This is a particularly bad bus journey as all the secondary school kids and workers are pilled up into double deckers but I still assumed basic human decency counted in this situation. I was wrong.
I am 25 weeks pregnant and have never been offered a seat even when the teens stared at my bump as I held on to the bar for dear life. I also have SPD so I've had to change my son's school as I can no longer do this journey 4 times a day and definitely not with a newborn. It's too dangerous and I know no one would give up a seat to a woman with a baby in a sling.
It's sad but it has spurred me on to inform my kids that they should give up their seat for certain people.

[juniper9]

I got on the bus when I was 2 days overdue and no-one offered me their seat. They all just avoided my eye. I gave birth 12 hours later!

[Jolleigh]

For the record, I'm not London-bashing. In fact, I didn't mention London specifically. I said I've seen the issue first hand only in the south.

OP - some great back up responses for any future bag men from posters here. I'm only 18 weeks myself and suffering already from SPD. I'm lucky though because I drive to work and have been allocated an on-site parking space for the remainder of my pregnancy. Very glad that's the case though as I'm not yet obviously pregnant.

[BurberryFucker]

not you Jolliegh, it was 'xmasbaby' - honestly if people from London or the south East were as rude about the north as northerners are about them........

[Faithless12]

BadgerB - With a newborn baby in Sussex no one offered me a seat, with a sleeping toddler strapped to me same story.
In London, I've sat the toddler on a seat and several people have jumped up to offer me a seat even though we don't both need a seat as he can sit on my lap. Londoners are far better at offering their seats up, which possibly explains why Southern trains need a priority card...

[Jolleigh]

tackling a sweeping statement about London with a sweeping statement about northerners makes no sense to me.

Had missed that someone had mentioned London specifically though, so ta.

[kali110]

You poor thing. How selfish of him.
Some people do have problems though that may not be obvious. I get worried on public transport as i couldnt stand the hour to get home. I have back n knee damage but you wouldnt think it. I think i wouldnt be able to say anything to someone and would get bullied out of my seat :-(

Do think that guy was being a complete arsewipe though!!!

[DidoTheDodo]

Of course YANBU for asking for a seat. (and bag man certainly needs a reality check, pregnant or non pregnant person trumps a bag any day)

But you can never be sure that the person you are asking might need the seat more than you do, so a refusal should not be taken as a sleight.

[Annonynon]

I was just about to post something similar to Kali

YANBU to ask, and that man was clearly a twat but if you do ask please bear in mind that not everyone will be able to stand for you and some might need the seat just as much as you do

[mouldyironingboard]

Next time just sit on the bag. Hopefully you would be squashing his sandwiches over some important work documents!

[chocoluvva]

What a selfish man! Had he paid for 2 seats? I'd think a rail official would have asked him to remove his bag if you'd pointed it out to him.

[VisualiseAHorse]

I would just move his bag.

[Beccagain]

Yep: really can't believe that you didn't tell him exactly where he could put his bag. I would NOT have missed that opportunity, but then I am a mouthy caaah.


Also, do you think Tfl would send me a Baby on Board sticker. I am nudging 60 and hugely overweight, so would love to wear one

Just kidding...(not about the age and weight though, alas!) I always offer my seat to pregnant women/people with disabilities, but then I am a Londoner and we Londoners do that

[AuntyEntropy]

My tactic was always to address a group of four youngish people in a general sort of way "could anyone please give me a seat..?" The chances of all four of them having invisible disabilities was pretty small.

[mycatlikestwiglets]

It may be that no one else offered a seat because there was clearly one available with the rude man's bag on it. I'd have either told him where to put it or sat on it - be more assertive OP!

[Spirael]

It's not all bad in Yorkshire... I was on the bus the other day and an elderly man with a stick got on. At least four people shot out of their seats as if they'd been stung and the nearest offered him an arm.

In your situation OP, I'd have told the man to move the bag to his lap or I'd be sitting on his bag, then carry out the threat if he still refused to budge.