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Original poster

To ask how on earth to deal with deliberately negative people?

31 replies

simpleth1ngs · 23/10/2013 07:45

I work with a guy who is the most negative person I've ever met. I know him quite well now and he has no significant family/childhood/health problems, but will merrily admit he enjoys complaining. It's relentless and he gets himself really wound up about nothing, and can rant about the weather or customers for hours. It's like it's a deliberate personality trait and I can tell he's hurt if I am short with him or leave the room but I CANNOT TAKE IT when he does it and I am unwell or in a bad mood myself. Isn't it polite to make small talk that isn't angrily raising your voice? It's got to the point where all our colleagues avoid him and I give one-word answers as much as possible.

How should I deal with him?

OP posts:
dunkedbiscuits · 23/10/2013 07:47

You have to tell him to say two positive things before a negative. Keep repeating til he gets it.

IneedAsockamnesty · 23/10/2013 07:47

Ignore him, he will love it because it will give him something g legit to winge about

CeliaFate · 23/10/2013 07:49

Tell him his negativity is draining.
Suggest counselling for him.
Adopt a really trite stock phrase for when he starts, such as "Oh well count your blessings" or "worse things happen at sea"
Take the piss out of him "Oh, here you go again!"
Tell him he obviously needs more work as he has so much free time to complain about.
Tell him to get a hobby/life/fucked. Grin

Original poster
simpleth1ngs · 23/10/2013 07:50

biscuits that is what I normally do but he doesn't stop and I leave a ten minute conversation feeling like I want to cry

OP posts:
Original poster
simpleth1ngs · 23/10/2013 07:53

If I pull him up on it he'll just say 'I enjoy complaining' or 'I've always complained a lot.' I think in his head he's a funny Chandler Bing character but in reality he's an endless pit of dour misery

OP posts:
Iaintdunnuffink · 23/10/2013 07:56

I sit next to someone like this, he moans about everything and everyone. Then to top it off he picks up on someone and moans about them for weeks on end, he likes to get a huddle around him and have a good bitch about the way they eats biscuit, or whatever.

The moment he gets wind that the person isn't loving their treatment he get hurt. Then huffs and puffs about how rude they are to him. Can you guess that it's my turn to be bitched about? What I've done who knows. Oh well, off for another day of hell.

CeliaFate · 23/10/2013 08:00

Ignore him then. If he doesn't care about your feelings, why care about his? Fuck him. (not literally)

Original poster
simpleth1ngs · 23/10/2013 08:05

nuffink mine doesn't share the same audience as yours as barely anyone will acknowledge him now. How does yours get people to listen?!

If I ignore him he'll glare at me with an almost comedy intensity. If I say 'what?' he'll blow up about not being able to look anywhere without being accused. Sigh.

OP posts:
TiggyD · 23/10/2013 08:10

Suggest he gets treatment for his disorder then just walk away.

NotYoMomma · 23/10/2013 08:20

disorder? Hmm

just tell him to get a bloody grip and walk away.

or just say that you dont want to be brought into his endless pit of doom amd gloom so are leaving now

DoJo · 23/10/2013 08:24

I second walking away, perhaps say something like 'I'm in too good a mood to let you bring me down with your moaning' over your shoulder as you go.

plentyofsoap · 23/10/2013 08:48

I work with two very negative men. I can leave the office though when they get too much. However, when I have to endure their moaning I counter act it with hyper positivity just to piss them off. I have at times just been honest with them. They don't change.

GeordieCherry · 23/10/2013 08:54

"I've decided to have a cheerful day today.. So I'm not going to listen to that"
Said with Pollyanna smile & repeated as necessary

Good luck! They're exhausting Smile

Latara · 23/10/2013 08:55

I was going to say oh maybe he's depressed; but having read this it doesn't sound like he is depressed at all; he just enjoys moaning!

Sorry I don't think there's a cure for that kind of moany character, it gets too ingrained...

stargirl1701 · 23/10/2013 08:56

I know someone like this. I am relentlessly cheerful around them. Relentlessly Grin

lottiegarbanzo · 23/10/2013 09:23

'You enjoy complaining, I don't enjoy listening to people complain, it drags me down. We either need to find something else to talk about, or work in silence don't we?'

'Well listening to endless negative whinging drags me down. I'm not prepared to sacrifice my happiness for the sake of your enjoyment, because i don't think you and your wishes are more important than me and mine, sorry'.

'Complaining hurts my ears, so very time you do it I'm going to have to sing to block it out. Ok? Good.'

lottiegarbanzo · 23/10/2013 09:53

Or, more succinctly 'well I dislike listening to complaining and your likes do not trump mine, got it?'.

You will be told to get a sense of humour, or that he's just trying to be friendly, or it's just how he is.

'I have a great SOH but you're not funny', 'I'd be delighted to join you in a friendly conversation about something we both find interesting, any suggestions?' 'Oh well, I'm just naturally cheerful and unwilling to sacrifice that for you, sorry'.

He'll probably get huffy and ignore you for a bit.

pudseypie · 23/10/2013 10:13

I worked with someone who moaned constantly but I got on wrll enough to turn it into a joke and be able to say 'stop moaning!!' He did then get the idea

Milkjug · 23/10/2013 10:20

I've been relentlessly cheerful in similar circumstances. Like a cross between Pollyanna playing the Glad Game and Maria Von Trapp singing about her favourite things in a thunderstorm.

SharpLily · 23/10/2013 10:30

I think I'd be tempted to go dramatically sarcastic - nod along, with much hand wringing, head tilting and agreeing that first world problems are sooooo difficult to deal with and isn't it just the end of the world that so and so or such and such can ruin his life that way.

IneedAsockamnesty · 23/10/2013 11:09

The one I know who is like this is very strange, the tiniest bit of rain and its the end of the world and requires about an hours worth of moaning if he can't find something again end of the world, if he has to wait more than 24 hours to purchase anything its even worse.

I must admit I take great delight in just saying "you are now sucking the very life out of the room so please fuck off"

But he's seriously bad has lost 4 jobs in the last year because of it

Viviennemary · 23/10/2013 11:13

I'd much rather have a moaner than one of those endlessly cheerful breezy types. I find them much more irritating. Especially when they go around telling everyone else to cheer up.

echt · 23/10/2013 11:38

You're so right, Viv, may I call you Viv? Especially the ones who loudly and individually say hello to very bugger in the room. Every morning.

Yours sincerely

Mrs GrumpyCunt

CooEeeEldridge · 23/10/2013 11:48

My Dad is just like this - he deliberately buys the daily mail to give him compliaining fodder.

I find there is nothing you can do but try and let it drift over you. Bitching about people around you, you can maybe pull him up on, but the rest just try and ignore! If you engage with the general stuff you will end up frustrated and angry!

Viviennemary · 23/10/2013 11:55

Years and years ago I worked with an older guy. If anyone asked him how he was he always had a miserable face and said mustn't grumble in the grouchiest voice. And someone said he never does anything else. Strangely enough his wife was a cheery soul and very nice too!