to make DP late for work by doing the nursery drop

[LisasCat]

DP & I both work full time. Normally he drops DD2 at nursery and I drop DD1 at CM who then does school run. This week I am working a slightly shorter day so I can do school run mornings and afternoons, to touch base with school.
Yesterday he took DD2 normal time. DD1 and I then spent a really constructive half hour practising her reading and writing, before going in to school early so she could show me what she's been doing.
Today DP overslept and asked me if I could drop both 'as I had an easier start'. I said no, because the round trip to nursery would use up that extra half hour I've bought this week, which I really want to use focusing on DD1's preparation for the school day (she's slipped into some bad habits of poor organisation now I never do the school run), her reading, and spending time in her school.
I only went back from part time to full a few months ago, and we had 'a bit of a chat' at the time when he started expecting me to do the lion's share of drop off and pick ups, as I had been doing while part time. He's rubbish at getting up in the morning, and will do anything to extend his time under the duvet. I pointed out that, by taking one of our two children in the morning, he was not 'doing me a favour' but sharing the task of running a household with two working parents. Since then he's been great until this morning.
Was I mean to make him do the nursery drop even though he was going to be late?

I think yabu yes he should do his fair share but you shouldn't have made him late unless you think he did It purposely.

You didn't make him late, sweetie. He overslept and made himself late. If you'd baled him out, I bet the farm you'd have had to bale him again.

YABU. It was just once, you'll need helping out with the pick ups and drop offs when you are pushed some time.

His job puts food on your table, you should have prioritized that over sitting at home reading with your daughter. His job is more important than one mornings reading.

His job puts food on your table as does the OP's job I assume. He is an adult. he can get up and do his share.

Did you miss the bit where the OP says she too works full time?

'His job puts food on your table'? Did you miss the bit where OP mentions she works full-time? How do you know he is the major breadwinner and she earns peanuts, which is what you are implying? Good grief. It's like we've slipped back to the 1950s.

Speechless at 'his job puts food on your table'.

While the OP's job does - what? Pays the mortgage? Pays the fuel bills? Buys clothes and shoes? All those other non-essentials?

OP - I agree with others who've said that YANBU. If you'd given in 'just this once', how quickly would that have become once a week, every other day...?

He made himself late for work because he overslept. That's it, really.

YANBU. He overslept, that's all. He'll learn not to do it again.

And the thing is, if you read the OP, you will see that they have already had rows about his expectation that she will combine working as many hours as him with doing school drop-offs.

If my partner had a total crisis during school drop-off days (fortunately the Inferiorettes are now old enough to take themselves independently) yes, I might bale him out but only because he didn't take it for granted.

YANBU. OPs husband made his bed and now he's having to lie in it. As a flexitime worker i know how hard it is to get in positive flexi, i would be enraged at using up my flexi because DH had overslept

For what it's worth (not that I think it's relevant) now I'm full time again DP and I earn roughly the same, and financially our family is a team effort. No one's working contribution gets valued above the other.

He needs to get to work on time, so as a family, you need to facilitate this.

YANBU - give 'em an inch and they'll take a mile :)
Seriously though as PPs have said it wasn't an unavoidable situation, he overslept. Presumably he has an alarm on his phone.

He made himself late by lying in when he should have been getting up. You weren't being unreasonable at all. His problem, so he should have sorted it and then explained to his manager at work that he was late because he prioritised extra time in bed over helping you out.

You are both working full time, so the childcare and other duties need to be split as equally as possible.

He needs to get to work on time so it's his responsibility to make sure he gets out of bed on time. YANBU

Two possible options here:

1. It was a genuine oversleep - we've all been there. You were in a position to help and did not. YABVU. Outrageous that you didn't help when you could have.

Or...

1. Your DH deliberately, and with malice aforethought, chose to oversleep in order to compel you to do something that was his responsibility. In which case YANBU, he is.

The OP needs to decide which is the case and act accordingly.

FWIW - all this "split equally" nonsense is just that - nonsense. Working as a team does not mean there is an equal split, it means there is an equitable split.

Omg
Mumsnet just timewarped

Op yanbu

YANBU,he's a grown up and well able to work an alarm I presume.

And don't mind the 1950s comment.

YANBU your DP sounds like mine and I'm too soft with him. What sort of example does he think he's setting your DDs?

yanbu if im reading the op right you are off so that you can spend extra time with your daughter,doing extra drop offs would just make the time youve booked off pointless.

I am sahm and me and my husband share the drop offs,he does morning,i do afternoon,its on his way and hes in charge at work so it doesnt matter if hes 5 minutes late every now and again.he also does all the shopping meal planning and cooking,mucks in with the housework when he can see i need help and puts the older 3 to bed every night.I do 80 per cent of the housework,childcare during the day and put the younger 2 to bed every night.

Your dc should not be an excuse for being late for work.
You both need to manage better. Maybe do reading at night after school and work. If you attending school is important for your dd and you need to read and write with her, maybe go part time again.
I'd be pissed off if somebodies oh had made a colleague of mine late, to prove a point.
YABU and selfish.

yanbu. I am definitely in the "give them an inch" camp. It does depend a bit on your relationship and how good he is normally, but from what you say he is in danger of leaving it all to you if given the chance.

My dh is terrible like this. He will very quickly establish something as my job if allowed to. For that reason I completely refuse to have anything to do with certain jobs such as taking the bins and recycling out, doing the garden and others that I can't remember at the mo, because if I took the rubbish out even once it would suddenly slide into being my job every time. Sounds really harsh I know.

Your half and hour reading with dc sounds really important to me.

motherinferior summed it up perfectly

Well so far your views all seem to be as divided as I felt this morning, hence throwing it open public opinion.
There have been many occasions when we've each taken a hit to our own schedules to facilitate the other's working needs. But I've used 2 days holiday to spend this time with DD1 this week. Most of my communication with school happens remotely now. So it was important to me to spend some time addressing school issues over the next few days. And that required my time with her this morning.
If he didn't have previous form for prioritising a bit more time in bed over his responsibility to do a drop off I probably would have bailed him out. But there is a worry he'll then see the next two mornings as an easy ride for me and sleep in.
And as for whether he did it maliciously, no I don't think he did, but he does need to be a bit better about sorting himself out in the mornings. I already have two children to wake, dress and feed!

Does he understand the reasons why you took this time off?