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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to make DP late for work by doing the nursery drop

69 replies

LisasCat · 22/10/2013 16:10

DP & I both work full time. Normally he drops DD2 at nursery and I drop DD1 at CM who then does school run. This week I am working a slightly shorter day so I can do school run mornings and afternoons, to touch base with school.
Yesterday he took DD2 normal time. DD1 and I then spent a really constructive half hour practising her reading and writing, before going in to school early so she could show me what she's been doing.
Today DP overslept and asked me if I could drop both 'as I had an easier start'. I said no, because the round trip to nursery would use up that extra half hour I've bought this week, which I really want to use focusing on DD1's preparation for the school day (she's slipped into some bad habits of poor organisation now I never do the school run), her reading, and spending time in her school.
I only went back from part time to full a few months ago, and we had 'a bit of a chat' at the time when he started expecting me to do the lion's share of drop off and pick ups, as I had been doing while part time. He's rubbish at getting up in the morning, and will do anything to extend his time under the duvet. I pointed out that, by taking one of our two children in the morning, he was not 'doing me a favour' but sharing the task of running a household with two working parents. Since then he's been great until this morning.
Was I mean to make him do the nursery drop even though he was going to be late?

OP posts:
Original poster
LisasCat · 22/10/2013 17:21

Morethan why would you blame the OH rather than the colleague who overslept?
Mim yes he knows I've scheduled this week to have extra school contact and read with DD in the mornings when her brain is fresh. Reading in the evenings is very slow going because she's tired. But our normal schedule doesn't allow much time for anything before school.

OP posts:
morethanpotatoprints · 22/10/2013 17:29

Sorry OP.

My apologies, I missed the bit about him having form for this. I thought it a genuine mistake and you were being awkward.
In that case YANBU sorry Flowers

morethanpotatoprints · 22/10/2013 17:33

Sorry, missed your last post.
I would blame the oh if they were being awkward, like I thought you were.
My thinking was that as he overslept the drop off had made him late for work and that you could have done this.
But after your next post about his previous form, he needs to be more organised as it sounds like it was his responsibility.
Apologies again for misreading.

cantsleep · 22/10/2013 17:45

Yanbu

My dh is late for work every day as he has to drop 2 of our dcs at school. Sometimes he manages to make the hours up after work/ weekends, sometimes he can't.

Mim78 · 22/10/2013 17:46

I think in that case it's definitely up to him to make sure he gets up in time, and you were right to make him get on with it!

Mind you, that's what I thought anyway!

BakerStreetSaxRift · 22/10/2013 17:46

YANBU. At all.

People have targets things they need to do in the morning, one of his is taking his child to nursery, he needs to get up in time to do this, he didn't, and this is the sole reason why he was late for work.

I agree that if you had bailed him out today, he'd have slept in again this week and expected you to sort it out for him.

If lying in bed is so important to him, he can use a day's holiday to lie in it all day (after doing the nursery run!)

BakerStreetSaxRift · 22/10/2013 17:47

targets certain*

Timeforabiscuit · 22/10/2013 17:53

YANBU - both full time, both have responsibility - what pray tell would happen if you overslept?

Original poster
LisasCat · 22/10/2013 17:58

Timefor now there you raise an interest point. What indeed! As it is I have 2 alarms set for exactly that reason. Not that I ever need them because DD2 is clambering on my face before the back up alarm goes off. DP's face too for that matter but he's a VERY heavy sleeper!

OP posts:
WoTmania · 22/10/2013 18:08

YANBU for all the reasons stated above.

HardFacedCareeristBitchNigel · 22/10/2013 18:09

It's not as if the op was spending her half hour drinking frappucino in starbucks, is it ? She was preparing her child for the school day. Her husband is an adult and if he cant manage to wake up in time to fulfil those responsibilities why should the daughter suffer ? op has already said that dd is suffering the effects of her increased hours. Or does getting to work on time trounce everything else in some of your houses ?

akaic if her DH got a bollocking for oversleeping it will teach him a valuable lesson, get out of bed on time. We all have enough devices with alarms on after all.

Mellowandfruitful · 22/10/2013 18:14

YANBU. You'd taken time off specifically to do something with your DD1. He shouldn't expect to get prioritised over your child's needs because he overslept. He can go into work late and take the consequences of that like an adult.

CreatureRetorts · 22/10/2013 18:21

I'd like SeaSickSal to come back and defend themselves

YANBU although why are you full time if it's making school management difficult?

SHRIIIEEEKPoolingBearBlood · 22/10/2013 18:27

For much the same reason her dh is full time I expect

ipswichwitch · 22/10/2013 18:31

Yanbu at all - he's an adult and is responsible for getting himself out of bed on time. Tell him he's hardly setting a good example for DD1 by being poorly organised himself when you have said you're using your extra time to help sort out the bad habits and poor organisation she slipped into!

BakerStreetSaxRift · 22/10/2013 18:50

CreatureRetorts are you effing serious?

It's only making school management difficult because her lazy husband can't get his arse out of bed.

Should she go past time again, and the family have lessnmoney and her have less career satisfaction just so he can have an extra 20 minutes in bed.

Jesus wept.

Original poster
LisasCat · 22/10/2013 18:56

Creature it's actually gone very smoothly and both girls have adapted well. But there are a few things that the CM doesn't have time to check at drop off, so for example DD has started forgetting to put her book bag in the right box, and it doesn't get marked. So a few mornings of me going into the classroom and reminding her should re-establish the routine. I also hadn't realised her indoor shoes were such a state. Now I know and have replaced them. It was always the plan that I would do these half days weeks here and there.

OP posts:
motherinferior · 22/10/2013 20:10

Actually if I'd got myself an extra half hour in which to do bugger-all except sit around with coffee, and then my DP 'accidentally' overslept thus getting me to do his share of the childcare, I would be extremely pissed off.

All this 'working as a team' and 'for the good of the family' doesn't wash with me.

CreatureRetorts · 22/10/2013 20:18

Chill the fuck out BakerStreet. It was a genuine question. You can have career satisfaction and work part time. I just wondered why the OP went up to full time when she was complaining about it being difficult with dc being at school. Ok, her DH could go part time too - but because she used to be part time, I just wondered.

SeaSickSal · 22/10/2013 20:31

I know she works full time too. But presumably they can't just get by on one income.

She said it was a recent arrangement and since this arrangement had been in place everything had gone fine.

So this was the first instance when this took place. I still think she should have helped him out so he wasn't late.

But she's enjoying dropping him in the shit with his work far too much to do that. I just hope when something goes wrong for her in the morning and she needs help she doesn't complain when he says 'sorry, already been late once this week, can't help'.

Original poster
LisasCat · 22/10/2013 20:36

Just to say I'm not complaining about it being hard going back full time. I think we've got a good system in place and neither girl seems to have been negatively impacted. But it does require both of us holding up our end of the bargain on the logistics. If there were serious problems of course I would re-evaluate, but these are just niggles. Certainly nothing to warrant going part time again for.

OP posts:
Original poster
LisasCat · 22/10/2013 20:40

Wow Seasick, way to miss the point and get in a whole load if projection. Firstly, as was clearly stated in my OP, this was not the first time and he has form. Secondly, you have no idea of the juggling acts I perform to facilitate DP being able to attend early or late meetings, or go abroad for a week for work, or even to attend football training or a mate's stag do. I'm pretty pissed off you think I've done this out of some ridiculous need to prove a point rather than because I prioritised a commitment I had made to my daughter's education over bailing out DP when he overslept.

OP posts:
ThoughtsPlease · 22/10/2013 20:42

But you said that DD1 had been negatively impacted, isn't that why you are doing this this week?

How old is DD1?

motherinferior · 22/10/2013 20:44

But it was his fault, Sal. He'd overslept. His problem.

HardFacedCareeristBitchNigel · 22/10/2013 20:44

Well, maybe the OP is sick and tired of having to nag her husband to get out of bed.