To be hopping mad at DS's school report (SEN related). WWYD?

[Squiffyagain]

DS is severely dyspraxic (bottom 1% on appx 1/4 of the markers) and moderate/severely dyslexic (bottom 5% on two of the main markers, less extreme on the rest). He is 9 and came home with a school report that has 16 separate comments on it. 9 of these comments criticise my son for displaying symptoms in line with is disabilities (not getting things down on paper quickly enough, untidy writing, being disorganised, being clumsy in PE, etc, etc).

It's not that I could cry. I did cry. He has a full, detailed and accurate Plan in place at school (allegedly), and we spend hours trying to build up his self-esteem and telling him that his disabilities do not and never should define the person he is. The schools head of SEN is superb and the school have (previously) bent over backwards to tell me they can deal with kids like my son (it helps that he is very clever and very likeable as well).

Now this. Not only are the school defining him in exactly the way we've tried to avoid, but they are allowing it to be a barrier to his education. What has been the worst part though was my DS shrugging his shoulders and saying "well, I am a bit rubbish, Mum, and its all true, every word". There's not a single positive comment in the report, not a single acknowledgement of his disabilities and how they are managing them, nadda. And this from a class of 15 children with two full time qualified form teachers (indie).

I'm close to tearing new backsides for the teachers who wrote this and the head, but am not sure if my anger is justified or if I'm simply being too protective and tigerish. So, ladies of MN, AIBU, and WWYD?

I will also post this in SEN board, but posted here because i specifically wanted to hear views of people without direct parental experience of SEN (esp. teachers who manage these IEPs). Am I OTT in thinking this report really is Not effing On? Is the school failing my son, or do I need to start getting used to this stuff and just develop a tougher hind myself?

I do have children with disabilities but YANBU

Would they write

Claire does not stand up when asked to in a report if Claire was a wheelchair user?

As a teacher who writes reports, are they perhaps targets rather than criticisms. It seems silly that thy are all things related to his SEN though. If I had a dyslexic student and was giving a target I would say something like 'c

Tear away. It is shit. I think it would be reasonable to note areas of difficulty and of comment on progress or on how new strategies have worked. There should be plenty of good stuff too, inexcusable that there isn't and that his teachers have not understood his condition.

Sounds very unthinking of teacher at a minimum. probably worst thing is you would wonder is that how they treat him in school, ie blaming rather than helping. His comment would make me so angry, that that is how they have made him feel. Would def go to see head, don't know what to advise really..

I have two with SEN and I would go postal at this.

In writing, addressing every point or criticism they made I would explain why these issues arise from his SEN. I would request that this be put on file with his report. If he's statemented I would copy in his case worker at the LA. Request a meeting to discuss these issues.

I had an OT assess ds who wrote a lengthy report detailing all his "failings" basically as though he were an NT child and that his behaviours and issues were not those arising from autism and dyspraxia. It was retracted and he was reassessed, with a much more professional report created as a result.

Continue to work on using a dictionary to check spellings to show that the student was working on issues related to the diagnosed disability and was trying to improve.
Stuff like being 'clumsy' due to dyspraxia is a little different though.

It's really hard to tell without reading the comments exactly as they were written. There is a possibility that you are taking the words more negatively than was intended.

you have my absolute heartfelt sympathy - as the mother of a now 21 year old with dyspraxia, dyslexia and aspergers.

it doesnt matter how inclusive a school says they are.....i found the same - comments from teachers that meant they clearly did not get it.

i spent my sons entire school life fighting this. having meetings. writing letter after letter. meeting after meeting. phone call after phone call.

all i can say i hang on in there.

my boy has a job now in computers, a full time job, he had a part time job from the age of 15 as a computer programmer.....he knew his strengths and what he wanted to do.
he did a degree.
school is really really hard for kids like ours, but it gets better - i promise
all you can do in the meantime is keep fighting his corner.

do go in. do point out how unfair this report is. and why.
i remember trying so hard to make people understand - i took 8 professionals into one meeting, all with expertise in his areas of difficulty....

one thing i will say - all the stressing and worrying i did, all the tears i cried.....if id known how things would turn out id have saved them. school is pants for our kids - but it gets better.

That's heartbreaking, your poor ds,
You are definitely not being unreasonable, you have every right to be angry.
Make an appointment with the school.

It depends if it says, x struggles with getting written work done within the time frame.

Its true - it would be better to say - x has made improvements with written work, but struggles with timing.

Even better would be the above comment with an action - eg, we have agreed to use x program and aim for written work completed in x.

I also have a DS with SEN/SN and would be fuming too. His reports also state things like trying hard with social skills but needs to develop...... Or made progress in social skills.........

If they said he has poor social skills and poor disorganisation and ....... Etc I would be fuming and very much like "der!"

yANBU

YABU reports are there for teachers to express their opinion on their pupils which is what they have done. You are of course entitled to disagree with them.

incidentally after my ds left school i asked for a copy of his record.....

omg.
i went through it the other night.
its a weighty tome alright.....hundreds and hundreds of pages. lots of them letters from me. minutes of meetings. all of his reports from SALT and OT and Physio and Psyche reports.....

its huge. i could have saved several trees.....

what is a comfort is how much i had forgotten. he left school 5 years ago. nearly 6. all those crappy things - id forgotten most of them.
you will too.
promise.

I would ask to talk to tge teacher and ask them what they are doing to overcome/improve/work around each of these issues, each time you address an issue make sure tge teacher acknowledges that the issue is not because your ds is lazy or naughty it is because of his sen. It is the school's responsibility to help your ds to learn.

It doesn't sound like the school is very well suited to a child with your sons sen.

Would it be worth creating a SMART plan with ur ds and teacher.

Basically take the things he is good at and equally those he struggles with and look at what the next small step or large step of achievement is.

Then create smart goals, I.e specific, measureable, achieveable, realistic and timed. So whilst I don't know your son say he can run 20m with help now, then specific is to improve running, to 30m by himself by easter say.

You can see it fits the smart plan.
More importantly - your son can use it to feel his progress.
Most importantly your teacher uses it to write his next school report!!!!

You should find a much more encouraging report, which will have positives and goals for the next time too.

It is wrong. I'm a teacher (secondary) and I also have a niece with brain injuries. Her primary school are also rubbish and I had to order for them and take in a resource entitled 'must try harder' to try to get them to understand. It is titled that because this is what children with acquired brain injury find written on their reports more often than not. I'd be ashamed to put my name to a report that shows so little understanding of children with additional needs in general and your child's additional needs in particular.

I suppose that they have to be "factual" about where he is in relation to their targets but if his report is similar to my DCs there is always a section at the bottom of the page/ end of the report for tutor class teacher comments and I would expect those, at the very least, to reflect the effort he puts in, the achievements he has made and basically some positive encouragement. Not much help I'm sorry.

That's absolutely wrong. Your poor DS :(

YANBU at all.

shouldn't really be answering as i have a dyspraxic 10 year old daughter and you were specifically looking for people who didn't.

but i can't not comment.

She used to be at a school who sent reports like the above (indie)

I used to get called in two to three times a week for them to complain to me about everything from the fact that she slopped her yoghurt down her front to the pe teacher complaining as she was no better at pe than her toddler.

fuck this for a game of soldiers and all at a hell of a lot of money.

so we moved and went to a new school (also indie) where the atmosphere, understanding and warmth is amazing.

she can't do her tie. she's tried. she just can't. she'd forgotten to take her tie home and we just ambled into school and about three teachers offered to help her. Not in a condescending or overbearing way, just as a matter of fact.

it really helps that one of her teachers has a dyspraxic son so understands her.

instead of being in that headmaster's study each week, we've only been in the headmaster's room twice. second time to ask whether there was anything else they could do to help.

so what I'm trying (long windedly) to say is. You need to get cross and if that doesn't work, there are better schools out there and it would do amazing things to his own self confidence. and maybe make you happier too.

YANBU

That's really sad. Never mind the SN, all of those things are really trivial. Disorganised and clumsy? How old is he? Nothing positive? Surely if those are the only negatives they can come up with he must be really beautifully behaved.

No children with SEN here. YANBU. A report should be helpful, this was not. I worked with a young man once who we supported to learn how to do laundry. He ended up not being able to do laundry. His ongoing assessments didn't say that. They said things like "Bob sorted his clothes today with minimal input", "Bob walked to the laundromat independently". The fact was, he did amazingly, considering he was dealing with physical and learning disabilities and we needed to highlight that, not say, "Bob can't count his change for the machine" every day.

Your DS, philosophical and lovely as he sounds, needs people around him that will support him, not point out his disability all the time. Tear them a new one.

YANBU I also have a son with learning difficulties ADHD -predominately inattention and have spent far too many parents evenings listening to teachers basically list all the symptoms of this condition - inability to focus, disorganisation, too little written work etc. I have actually said to more than one of them "well thank you for describing the symptoms of ADD so how is my son doing?" I totally agree with the point made by sockreturningpixie and have even argued something similar at the last meeting if he was blind would you have spent the last 5mins telling me that he seems to have trouble seeing things? I can't say it has had any great impact, we have changed schools once already. I suspect this is depressingly common so perhaps rage is the way to go. Best of luck ripping arses.

No children here at all.

I think any report that is 100% negative is disgusting and utterly disheartening... Not to mention unhelpful.

No wonder you are so and

You would would be well within your rights to rip them a new one.

I write IEPs and reports and work with children for all the bits in between those two processes. Reports should focus on the positives and any areas for development should be expressed constructively. It's hard to comment fairly without seeing what has been written but I'm assuming that the comments aren't referring to his progress or effort towards small-step targets directly related to his difficulties? If they were, then I can see where the teacher may be coming from (but this would still be completely inappropriate IMO).
I really feel for your DS- his comment about 'being rubbish' made me feel so sad. I can only imagine the plethora of emotions you must be feeling right now as his Mum.
Obviously, you are raging (and rightly so) but may I suggest that when you call school/meet with his teachers, that you explain clearly and calmly what the issues are and ask them to detail what they will do to rectify this and ensure it doesn't happen again. You will need reassurances that they are doing everything to support your DS appropriately as this report has caused you to lose faith in them.
I'd explain how you feel this has impacted on your son's self esteem and possibly, in light of this, ask them to consider preparing a new, more positive report.
Hope that all makes sense and doesn't sound ridiculous-got terrible headache but wanted to share my opinion.

I think the issue is not what the comments are, but how they are written and the balance between positive and negative comments, with targets.

You said that the report had 16 comments, and that 9 were negative. You also said that there were no positive comments in the whole report. What did the other 7 comments say?

When I am writing a report for any child, especially one with SEN, I would always make sure there is a reasonable balance of positive to negative comments, and that there is an achievable target. I would also always make sure when writing a report for a child with SEN that I had read through their IEP first, so I don't put down anything inappropriate.

However I don't think think there is anything wrong with mentioning your son's difficulties relating to his SEN if a target is given to help him to overcome them.

e.g. Squiffy jr struggles with spelling of scientific vocabulary, although his usage of correct terminology in class discussion is very good. Squiffy jr could practise spelling of scientific vocabulary using the key words list in his book in order to help him with his written work.