To be hopping mad at DS's school report (SEN related). WWYD?

[Squiffyagain]

DS is severely dyspraxic (bottom 1% on appx 1/4 of the markers) and moderate/severely dyslexic (bottom 5% on two of the main markers, less extreme on the rest). He is 9 and came home with a school report that has 16 separate comments on it. 9 of these comments criticise my son for displaying symptoms in line with is disabilities (not getting things down on paper quickly enough, untidy writing, being disorganised, being clumsy in PE, etc, etc).

It's not that I could cry. I did cry. He has a full, detailed and accurate Plan in place at school (allegedly), and we spend hours trying to build up his self-esteem and telling him that his disabilities do not and never should define the person he is. The schools head of SEN is superb and the school have (previously) bent over backwards to tell me they can deal with kids like my son (it helps that he is very clever and very likeable as well).

Now this. Not only are the school defining him in exactly the way we've tried to avoid, but they are allowing it to be a barrier to his education. What has been the worst part though was my DS shrugging his shoulders and saying "well, I am a bit rubbish, Mum, and its all true, every word". There's not a single positive comment in the report, not a single acknowledgement of his disabilities and how they are managing them, nadda. And this from a class of 15 children with two full time qualified form teachers (indie).

I'm close to tearing new backsides for the teachers who wrote this and the head, but am not sure if my anger is justified or if I'm simply being too protective and tigerish. So, ladies of MN, AIBU, and WWYD?

I will also post this in SEN board, but posted here because i specifically wanted to hear views of people without direct parental experience of SEN (esp. teachers who manage these IEPs). Am I OTT in thinking this report really is Not effing On? Is the school failing my son, or do I need to start getting used to this stuff and just develop a tougher hind myself?

I would be so tempted to put something like this in the parents' comments bit:

Thank you for your insightful feedback. It's now clear to me that SquiffyJrs dyspraxia and dyslexia are causing him problems in the classroom, so I will arrange to have them removed immediately. Thanks so much for pointing this out - I would never have thought of a brain transplant by myself!

But then that probably wouldn't help. I think what I actually put in a similar situation was something along the lines of 'clearly WilsonJr's social and communication disorder continue to impact his learning in the areas of x, y and z and I look forward to continuing to work with school to support him in developing these skills next year.'

Tear them a new one. Poor kid.

YANBU I have a child with physical disabilities that are not immediately apparent. I have completed forms about it to the school, I have written letters, spoken to form teacher, who is part of the PE teaching team, explained in great detail about DC's disability.
Every report says that DC is pretty crap at PE and must try harder. FFS by actually just taking part they are probably trying harder than anyone else there.
But we don't let the bastards grind us down, we have learned to shrug it off with an eye roll and a bitch about what crap teachers they are.
He who pays the piper calls the tune OP. Tell them you will take him somewhere else and be true to your word if they don't up their game.

Sorry I haven't had time to read any of the other comments. First few I saw seemed very supportive. I wouldn't be happy with most of what you say has been written. However, my DS (just 8 year 4) is very dyslexic and has real difficulty writing as well. I had parent consultation yesterday and his teacher said that she does ask him to rewrite pieces of work occasionally. Particularly when she knows it is not the best HE can do. So I don't think that expectations should be lowered for dyslexic children. So eg disorganisation - I would have thought there could be useful targets here to help your son become more independent. Being clumsy in PE - probably not (and many of the other comments). So perhaps his teacher needs to have small achievable targets and assess progress against those.

I have no experience of special needs.

I would think they need to write reports in the context of his SN. It sounds like they've written it as a list of character failings.

YANBU at all. I would be very angry.

I don't really have anything useful to say but your post has made me sob. I have a dc with sen and I have found it incredibly difficult. I come out of meetings in bits as all they seem to focus on is the things my child can't do and how far behind their peers they are. There is never anything positive.

Now my youngest dc is also being assessed for a developmental delay too so I have years more of this shit too look forward too.

Thank you for sharing your ds experience with us.

With or without SEN a child's report should not be so negative that the child thinks they are rubbish. It should at least give some encouragement otherwise there is no point in even trying. You should definitely be having a word with the teachers

While I have no actual diagnosis, I think I am somewhere on the dysbraxia spectrum. I found those reports to be horrible to endure - its so visible if you fall over and can't throw or catch, have terrible handwriting, or are terrible at art/dt. My school reports always, always made digs like 'should take more pride in her work', which would piss me right off - it made it seem like i chose to be the way I am. I think it's worth you having the calm discussion and saying 'well then, what can we do, how can things improve'? Your DS sounds like a lovely kid .

No SEN children for me

Yadnbu

A report should be constructive. How can anyone send a young child home with a list of their failings ? That makes me sad!

Surely you highlight something positive even if it's "just" that they've tried hard, note what needs to improve further, and how to do it. "Flossie has expressed herself well in creative writing but still needs to work on her handwriting. I will allow her extra time to complete work so she isn't rushing and can take the time to write more neatly without compromising her imaginative plot lines"

Write the teacher(s) a report card:

• does not pay attention
• does not prepare for classes/duties
• negative attitude
• unkind to children
• lack of motivation to fulfil pastoral duties

I can't imagine any of those points can be explained away by a teacher's Special Emotional "No"

Thanks for all the posts. I already have a appointment with head of AEN after half term and will also see the head. I will report back in case anyone wants a follow up.

Have spent first week of half term researching different school options. So sad - this stuff is not rocket science, any school should be able to do the basics of motivating their kids appropriately, and follow IEPs when they are given.

Steppemum- I agree to a certain extent. We had a parent of a very below average student in tears because we told her that her daughter was working at a level below that of her peers- her previous school reports had glossed over that fact, using phrases like 'tries hard', and the parents really had no clue that she was behind!

However, we try to balance every negative with a positive, especially where SEN is concerned. Example: while X is still working below the expected standard in writing, they have made great progress and can now write their name independently and use their knowledge of letter sounds in their writing (with name writing and using sound knowledge being IEP targets). Or: while X finds PE difficult and particularly struggles with coordinating both hands together to catch a ball, they enjoy the dance aspect of PE and have shown real imagination in creating their own dance.