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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think my sister is way out of line doing this to the nursing staff

81 replies

frecer · 21/10/2013 21:02

My brother is in hospital at the moment and I went to see him tonight, when I got there my sister was at the nurse's desk firing a series of questions at the nursing staff. Dsis is a GP (though only qualified for a couple of years) and she was asking medically related questions (about medication and his medical notes etc) but her reaction to them was so rude as the nurses did not know or were not providing her with all the detail she wanted to know.

As she was leaving, I didn't really speak to her but when I got home DP thinks its natural and that its probably a good thing as he is quite a quiet 20 year old guy and so she is keeping them on their toes whilst I think its really rude.

OP posts:
KirjavaTheCorpse · 21/10/2013 21:07

She's presumably worried about your brother being ill, and she's a qualified doctor, she's going to ask questions that put her mind at ease.

If she felt that the nurses didn't know enough about your brother's care, you can understand why she might be frustrated. No need to be rude, no, but she's not out of line for asking.

SantanaLopez · 21/10/2013 21:08

She is out of line being an arse, but I think questions are fine.

NotYoMomma · 21/10/2013 21:08

well did she approach them rudely and aggressively or did tgeir lack of any knowledge or answers get her back up?

im asking because my mum asjed the nurses about ny dads care once and was fobbed off terribly (he is fine, we check him, etc etc)

yet they didnt nitice his fingers had turned black because they hadnt checked him and he nearly died. she had to shout and plead ti get someone to check

so it isnt automatically rude imo

ps// my dad did recieve excellent care, it was just one shift when my mum was really concerned and frightened when they fobbed her off

pinguwings · 21/10/2013 21:10

If she's a qualified medic then she needs to understand that nursing staff can't be giving her every detail without breaching confidentiality.

RigglinJigglin · 21/10/2013 21:12

Your sis is being very U and rude.

Your brothers medical condition, history and notes are confidential. As they are for any patient regardless of whether a family member is a GP or not, so the nurses are right not to give much info away.

I hate seeing this in hospitals, and I see it often.

Original poster
frecer · 21/10/2013 21:16

I hadn't thought about the confidentiality aspect before but that is another reason to abhor her behaviour.

OP posts:
tinyturtletim · 21/10/2013 21:16

I think she is worried about her partner, I think it is the same in most professions when you have knowledge and you know how things should be then it is likely to be pushy especially in stressful situations.

For example,

I am a child care professional, I use a pre school for my daughter and ultimately I think I drive them crazy as I know what standard they should provide and am quick to remind them when they are being rubbish.

Your sil (?) Is a gp, she obviously knows worst case scenarios for the position your brother is currently in, and to be quite frank you should think yourself lucky your brother has someone who is a medic on his personal side.

Some nurses can be very dismissive, I have experienced that first hand maybe your sil has been trying to get answers for ages and you caught her in 'gpmode'

Is she usually rude or agaggressive towards others?

Onebuddhaisnotenough · 21/10/2013 21:19

She's not his partner. She"s his sister. Did your brother give his consent for her to be given information ?

HoldMeCloserTonyDanza · 21/10/2013 21:20

She's not his wife, tiny, she's his big sister.

NBU to ask questions. Very U to ask them rudely, and to ask for confidential information.

Original poster
frecer · 21/10/2013 21:20

tinyturtletim- She is my sister not my Sil, she can be quite abrasive at times.

OP posts:
Mim78 · 21/10/2013 21:21

Sounds like the questions are fine - all close family should feel free to ask questions whether a gp or not - but she should still be polite.

AngryGnome · 21/10/2013 21:22

It depends what she was asking. If she was asking questions about care and medication then I think she is justified in being frustrated if the nursing staff can't answer them. My experience of nursing and midwifery staff is that unless you are completely on the ball as the patient or relative then mistakes will be made. I appreciate that obviously this is not the case with all nursing staff, but it is certainly the case for my own stays in hospital.

RigglinJigglin · 21/10/2013 21:24

I'm sorry but questions are not fine if the patient does not want information about them, their treatment or their condition releasing.

AngryGnome · 21/10/2013 21:24

But, of course, there is no need to be rude. She should be able speak assertively without being aggressive.

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 21/10/2013 21:24

Sounds like she is worried about the care he is getting.

I come from a family of medics and it would be considered pretty normal to do this - politely obviously, but frustration would show if the staff caring for someone didn't seem to know what was actually going on.

It sounds like you have a problem with her apart from this incident, I think that is probably clouding your judgement.

Liara · 21/10/2013 21:25

Sadly, the patient with the abrasive qualified relative around often gets the best care.

tinyturtletim · 21/10/2013 21:25

Oh god I am sorry, I read it wrong I blame sleep deprivation.

Take sil for sister sorry.

WorraLiberty · 21/10/2013 21:26

It all depends on what you mean by 'firing' questions really.

My son's GF was in hospital a few weeks ago with severe mastitis and it was one calamity after another to be honest.

Parts of her file went missing, hardly any of the nurses could read the doctor's handwriting and the second doctor disagreed entirely with what the first doctor had said.

I suspect she would have given her right arm for a close family member to get to the bottom of it for her.

AngryGnome · 21/10/2013 21:27

There is a difference between the nurses not knowing the answers and the nurses not being able to release confidential information. She should be told if information can't be released to her - if she is rude about this then she is being v unreasonable.

MissMuesli · 21/10/2013 21:27

I don't think that asking the questions is a bad thing. My DP is a trainee nurse who went in for surgery not so long a go, and the questions he was asking were more in depth as he had the medical understanding to want to know more. He was however very polite, so not "crossing lines" imo. I think she was unreasonable to be rude, but can understand how it may be done if she was worried and stressed.

VivaLeThrustBadger · 21/10/2013 21:28

Asking questions is ok. Been rude to staff isn't.

Although when my dad was very ill and in pain I asked a nurse to bleep the sho to prescribe further analgesia. She tried to fob me off saying they were conferenced about his liver so didnt want him to have further pain relief. As he was sobbing in pain. It was bollocks as he was rattling with paracetamol which was far worse than say oromorph would be. I might have pointed this out to her!

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 21/10/2013 21:30

We don't know that the sister was being rude, that is only the OP's interpretation.

And she obviously doesn't like her sister!

Original poster
frecer · 21/10/2013 21:31

The premise of the questions were based around the fact my brother has had his medication changed today and dsis was trying to find out why. The nurses were not able to tell her why it had been changed from the one he was on previously to the one he was on from today. Dsis became visibly frustrated with this and question the nurses competency in their medical knowledge and communication with the doctors for this.

Although I didn't hear the exchange in its entirety

OP posts:
Corygal · 21/10/2013 21:33

Your DSis is doing your brother a favour. Be thankful someone is looking out for him.

WeleaseWodger · 21/10/2013 21:33

If this is her job, then she knows better than you how they should answer her questions and how that conversation should be going. You've decided she was rude, but don't know the story. Sounds like there's some friction between your sister and you.