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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think my sister is way out of line doing this to the nursing staff

81 replies

frecer · 21/10/2013 21:02

My brother is in hospital at the moment and I went to see him tonight, when I got there my sister was at the nurse's desk firing a series of questions at the nursing staff. Dsis is a GP (though only qualified for a couple of years) and she was asking medically related questions (about medication and his medical notes etc) but her reaction to them was so rude as the nurses did not know or were not providing her with all the detail she wanted to know.

As she was leaving, I didn't really speak to her but when I got home DP thinks its natural and that its probably a good thing as he is quite a quiet 20 year old guy and so she is keeping them on their toes whilst I think its really rude.

OP posts:

diaimchlo · 21/10/2013 21:34

Her attitude sounds as if it was U, but TBH I can understand pure frustration when trying to get correct information communicated properly from some nursing staff.

To the point that I am attending a meeting of all staff involved in the care of my Mother during her stay at their hospital. I am her next of Kin and had her authority to receive all information regarding her health and treatment, but found, when asking relevant questions or giving important information to them, all staff on that ward were dismissive and never passed any of it on. She had a fall due to the negligence of a nurse, it was never reported or her injury properly investigated till she was moved to a rehab ward. On that ward the staff were fantastic, listened and acted, I cannot fault them.

Maybe your Sis had been pushed a little too far......

CoffeeTea103 · 21/10/2013 21:38

You didn't hear the whole conversation, your sister was concerned about his medication being changed. It's obvious you are not too fond of your sister. Why don't you put the effort into being concerned about your brother rather than spending time finding an issue with your sister.

AngryGnome · 21/10/2013 21:39

As far as I understand this, a doctor would make the decision to change medication, not a nurse. I wouldn't necessarily expect a nurse to know the reasons behind a doctors clinical decisions. However, this info should be in his notes which the nurses have access to, so I would have concerns about how closely they were monitoring his case. And I think she is right to have concerns about communication between doctors and nurses - poor communication pathways have been highlighted as key problems in failing hospitals.

Original poster

frecer · 21/10/2013 21:48

CoffeeTea103- It has nothing to do with my feelings on my sister. Although we are not best friends and she certainly has her faults I would not just moan about her for the sake of it.

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NotYoMomma · 21/10/2013 21:52

but you are on here moaning about her 'rudeness' having not heard the whole conversation or speaking to her afterwards?

yabu

VivaLeThrustBadger · 21/10/2013 21:52

Your sister does sound like she's been a bit silly. A nurse doesn't have to know the reason behind a Drs decision to change the medication.

I reckon if a nurse has a grasp of what's wrong with the patient, knows what obs need doing when, knows what meds need giving when and is alert for deterioration/change and will refer when necessary then I'm pretty much happy. Obv personal care/compassion as well.

The nurses who are are on shift when your sister visited prob weren't the ones there when the change was made. The Drs may have told the morning nurses the reason why but this may not have been handed over, it could well be they just handed over the fact the meds had been changed. The nurses don't have time to read through everyone's notes to see what's been written about the patient in the last 24 hours.

If your sis wants more details she either needs to talk to your brother or be there at a morning ward round to talk to a Dr (with your brothers permission)

Caitlin17 · 21/10/2013 21:56

Assuming your brother is not in a coma and she was his only relative then it's none of her business. It would be a serious breach of patient confidentiality for the nurses to discuss his medication with her.

SirChenjin · 21/10/2013 21:57

What Viva said.

How would she feel if one of her patient's relatives starting firing questions about decisions she'd made to the receptionist at her practice? If she's a GP then she should know that the nurses don't make the decisions regarding medication. She should speak to the correct people in the first instance, rather than firing questions at the nurse and then getting frustrated.

timidviper · 21/10/2013 21:58

If your sister is a newly qualified GP she will have worked in hospitals fairly recently and know how they work. Obviously some people are just rude arses but it could be that she was frustrated by their lack of answers to her questions and she is not unreasonable to expect hospital staff to document clinical decisions and medication, to read notes and answer questions.

My experience is that those patients who have arsey relatives who ask awkward questions usually get very good care.

SirChenjin · 21/10/2013 21:59

If indeed she has the right to answer these questions in the first place...

SirChenjin · 21/10/2013 22:00

ask, not answer

MammaTJ · 21/10/2013 22:01

Dsis became visibly frustrated with this and question the nurses competency in their medical knowledge and communication with the doctors for this.

I would be tempted to point out, under these circumstances, that it was more likely to be poor communication from the doctors that caused this.

SirChenjin · 21/10/2013 22:03

Exactly Mamma

holidaysarenice · 21/10/2013 22:07

If his medication was changed and they don't know why - I wud say your sis is right.

If the change sounded sensible to her as a gp then she woundnt be questioning it.

ginmakesitallok · 21/10/2013 22:09

The reasons for changing medication should have been in his notes. If the nurses couldn't speak to her for confidentiality reasons they should have told her. I don't think she wbu

Trigglesx · 21/10/2013 22:11

I think it would hinge on whether or not she had her brother's permission to get involved and be given any of his confidential information. And whether or not he had specifically communicated this to the medical staff.

If not, she is being unreasonable. She obviously will be aware of confidentiality.

Didn't your brother know why the med change? Would have thought the doctor would have told HIM why the change....

holidaysarenice · 21/10/2013 22:12

Also any nurse who dispenses a wrong medication is equally as at fault for doing so!

Nurses should have at least a brief synopsis of each patient they are caring for. If they don't want to give out any further information then they should say so due to confidentiality. Or alternatively offer to come and explain to ur brother.

With his permission ur sister can be there to ask appropriate questions.

Original poster

frecer · 21/10/2013 22:15

She will have had his permission as he has had this ongoing issue with one of his kidneys (don't really want to say anymore) for a while and she has been monitoring it very closely although not officially as his doctor obviously.

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AngryGnome · 21/10/2013 22:23

If he had given his consent for her to to access his medical notes, then it is reasonable for her to ask questions. It is also reasonable for her to be frustrated if nursing staff are unable to answer questions relating to the care of a patient on their ward. I can understand that frustration could come across as being rude, but I have discovered to my cost that with some nursing staff you have to constantly fight your corner if you want to be treated appropriately and safely.

bearleftmonkeyright · 21/10/2013 22:27

I don't really understand this thread. There is more here than you are saying. Your sister is being understandably concerned, worried, frustrated. I doubt the nurses are taking this personally. So what is your concern op. Are you worried too? Do you understand what is happening to your DB? I hope he gets well. It must be a very worrying time for your family.

Original poster

frecer · 21/10/2013 22:34

bearleftmonkeyright- I just think that firing questions at nursing staff and then suggesting they are not competent when they do not have the answers you would want is very rude. On top of that these are the people who are looking after him long after me and dsis have gone home and yet she is interrogating them and being quite nasty towards them.

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bearleftmonkeyright · 21/10/2013 22:40

I am not making excuses for your sister, but she is clearly very concerned. If I was in your sisters position, a qualified gp, I would be doing the same. You really must find out what her concerns are. She may be right. Talk to your sister op.

Trigglesx · 21/10/2013 22:44

If she is intent on being involved in his care, she needs to be less abrasive and more intelligent about it. Discuss concerns with the doctor. Unless there is something urgent or a specific error in his care, she is really only harassing the nurses unnecessarily IMO.

Personally I think she is using her status as a GP to bully the nurses based on what you're saying. I would suggest she learn to use a bit of tact and common sense.

Topseyt · 21/10/2013 22:45

Has your brother asked for her help to interpret what is happening to him? If so then has he made clear to the nursing/medical staff that he is happy for her to be involved and informed?

It is fine to ask questions, especially from an informed perspective, as a qualified GP would. It would be better if she did not put people's backs up, but did she perhaps feel that she was being fobbed off or fed a whole load of shite? If so then I can understand someone becoming abrasive and appearing rude. After all, GPs must regularly have to fight a system which sometimes seems designed to make people bang their heads against brick walls.

Original poster

frecer · 21/10/2013 22:53

Topseyt- He has done (she'd help him even if he hadn't tbh) and the nurses will know. I was just taken aback by how rude she was being to the people caring for him though

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