...to not take a child's account of what happens at school as the Absolute Truth?

[Vivacia]

I'm surprised at how many threads we get about the Terrible Things that happen (or don't happen) in schools based on the word of a child. Nobody ever listens to them read, the teachers make all sorts of elementary mistakes, evil children get away with murder yet the teacher hates them...

If I believed my children's reports I'd think they did nothing but play in the sandpit all day, had never had a fire engine visit the school (despite photographic evidence of being sat behind the steering wheel of a fire engine wearing a helmet), were given nothing but fish fingers for dinner (every day, despite the evidence of the menu being emailed every Friday) and definitely hadn't had PE today so the inside-out, back-to-front t-shirt is a mystery.

Lol at Sarah Connor.

DD1 I'd tend to believe, DD2 , she's a bit inclined to putting her own spin on events.

I'm sure for most parents they know whether to believe their child or not.

My DD is brutally honest (in fact I have to tell her when its ok to be quite so honest ) and I know that anything she tells me is the truth.

YANBU.

Even with very honest and articulate children, they can still only give your their perception of an event, which considering the fact that they are only little , is just not always going to be completely accurate.

These are little people that can still wholeheartedly believe that a man on a sleigh can fly round the whole world delivering presents to millions of children in one night, their perceptions of things are not to be relied on!

YANBU. We listen, but always ask for the teacher's side of the story.

These are little people that can still wholeheartedly believe that a man on a sleigh can fly round the whole world delivering presents to millions of children in one night, their perceptions of things are not to be relied on!

Love that point!

YANBU. My friend went in all guns blazing, dropped the TA right in it, and it turned out that her DD had only given half the story and the TA had done nothing wrong. It caused a lot of ill feeling.

I think it depends a lot on their age considering a school child can be anything from 4yrs - 18yrs.

But no-one should go in with all guns blazing based on what their child says, if they have a problem.

I listen to them, but keep in mind that I'm only hearing their version of events and always ask for the other side of the story.

I'm currently having an issue with DD1's secondary school - she says something happened in a particular way, and while I am aware that the teacher may have a totally different take on the whole thing, considering he has ignored my phone calls and emails for a week, I'm inclined to believe DD

Well the one time I didn't believe DD2 because her teacher told me she had been very rude to the secretary, I turned out to be wrong. I apologised to the secretary whose jaw dropped and she told me that my DD hadn't been at all rude but had made a very polite request to call home please. The teacher had gone head to head with my DD about something else, had over-reacted and she knew. She couldn't complain about the real incident so made up the being rude thing instead.

I gave up believing the teacher at all after that and was very grateful that DD2 left the school soon afterwards.

I think you would have to be mad to think that a) younger children give an accurate and complete summary of events which is not biased by their own personal feelings of fairness and unfairness and b) older children and teens are not capable of leaving out certain key facts to make their version of events sound more plausible/less likely to land them in the shit.
Given the above, I would never go into school all guns blazing, instead I have a casual chat with the teacher to see what really transpired before deciding if it merits further action.
My daughter came home only last week saying x had hit her in the face in the playground, and x didn't get sent to the corner, only her. What she failed to mention was that she had actually kicked x first regarding whose turn it was with a toy, x had reacted by pushing her away (her hand connected with my daughters face) , and that x had been sent to a different corner of the playground with another teacher, but that happened after my daughter had been sent to her corner so she didn't see it.

A bit like when kids go home saying my son has hit/kicked them.. parent goes in all guns blazing to be informed my son had been off school sick all week type of stuff?

Soon kids like to cause aggro when they see their parents react to whatever they're telling them.

I agree that your dc can only give you their and possibly their friends perception, but it doesn't make the situation or problem any better.
I think we should believe our children especially when it is something important.
Although, I'd also agree that when you go to sort the problem out you tell whom ever it concerns you are aware this is your childs perception.
I know my ds1 was prone to exaggerate but told the truth, ds2 sees things differently to others (has aspergers) and dd well she is on her own planet when it comes to realism.
I always listen and always believe its true to them.

Be careful not to disbelieve everything your dc's might say.

We regularly had ds coming home saying things which we thought the staff couldn't possibly have said or done. We complained a couple of times but everything was always strongly refuted - they even threatened to take legal action against us for daring to make complaints against about their staff . They often would blame ds for 'getting confused' or 'misunderstanding' as he has SEN and a disability.

However, after obtaining school records I discovered several really nasty comments about him that had been written by staff that were supposed to be supporting him . Implying that he was 'choosing' to do such and such and that they should ignore his phobia and keep on doing the opposite of what they were meant to.

But to be fair I think it says a lot about those that go in "all guns blazing".

As a wise teacher once said - if you take all the reports of what happens at school in the same way as we take all the reports of what happens at home, we'll get on well (ie listen, filter safety issues and then find the facts if if needed before jumping in)

if you take all the reports of what happens at school in the same way as we take all the reports of what happens at home, we'll get on well

Ha ha, that's brilliant. How true.

^Worries what school think about her only feeding the children jam sandwiches and never taking them to the park ever.

My usual comment on hearing some story about the unfairness of a teachers actions is to ask "And what exactly were you doing?"

That said if I got repeated instances in a similar vein I would probably enquire what the issue really was with the school and find out what could be improved.

I do however, tend to believe at least some of what both my dc tell me as they are not prone to complain about their teachers even in instances where I would have, and so it would be something they considered a big problem/worry.

You mean I shouldn't believe ds that on his last school trip, his teachers took Concorde up on a flight and they flew over our house with the Red Arrows.

He's my plb how dare you say he's lying

I am not quite a parent yet, but I am (was) a year 8 form tutor. I frequently get "Miss X sent me out for no reason". A little chat with the child about what they were/ were not doing that lesson usually helps shed some light on the situation, and for the pupils to see why they had been sent out.
If emotionally involved with the child- say, as a parent or carer, I could see how the child's initial statement could be believed, and any further questions could be leading and act only to confirm the child's statement.

I dunno about mine. My eldest (8) says the teacher shouts in his face. I hope he is exaggerating.

It's not necessarily black and white. There could well have been an incident, but the reasons behind it are blurred to the child.

Your child knows about Concorde DeWe?