...to not take a child's account of what happens at school as the Absolute Truth?

[Vivacia]

I'm surprised at how many threads we get about the Terrible Things that happen (or don't happen) in schools based on the word of a child. Nobody ever listens to them read, the teachers make all sorts of elementary mistakes, evil children get away with murder yet the teacher hates them...

If I believed my children's reports I'd think they did nothing but play in the sandpit all day, had never had a fire engine visit the school (despite photographic evidence of being sat behind the steering wheel of a fire engine wearing a helmet), were given nothing but fish fingers for dinner (every day, despite the evidence of the menu being emailed every Friday) and definitely hadn't had PE today so the inside-out, back-to-front t-shirt is a mystery.

I've never believed dc were totally reliable on all subjects. But then I don't believe I am totally reliable on all subjects either. And seeing that so many of my nearest and dearest have been teachers, I don't believe they are totally reliable on all subjects either. Open mind seems the only way.

Teachers are only human, and some humans are vile people who lie and do things they shouldn't. I really don't think you should disbelieve your child just because they are a child and might have a skewed perception.

Better to talk to your child, and ask questions, then go in calmly and ask questions at school.

A teacher at my secondary school systematically bullied one pupil in every year. A boy in the year above pretty much had a break down because of it. I saw him do things like tear up a pice of work done by the most conscientious girl in the class just to get a reaction. He told me to get out of his class the moment I walked through the door one lesson and wouldn't let me back in then lied to the head of science about what had happened. Said I'd been rude to him (I hadn't said a word). He tried doing some other nasty stuff too to get a reaction. Oh, and on parents evening when my parents got to his table he said "I'm not even prepared to discuss your daughter, her behaviour is so awful, go and see the head of year" The head of year had no idea about this. My mum went in after the not being allowed in the classroom thing (not all guns blazing!) and said it was clear the head of science knew he was a lying bullying evil cunt, the head of year knew , but they wouldn't admit it or do anything about him like get rid.

If more parents had beloved their children rather than say children lie, adults don't, then a lot of sexual abuse could have been stopped earlier.

Typical afternoon in detention, thirty or more kids:

"what did you do to end up in detention?"

Thirty glowering, indignant faces will ALWAYS sullenly chorus; "NUFFINK!"

All around our school, children are quietly sitting, getting on with their work and the teacher sticks them in detention for no reason!

Having said that, as others have said, it is a balancing act between listening to the child and acknowledging their perception of events may not quite be what occurred.

TheMoon, are children really that different from adults, then?

Why did my marriage fail/my career not take off/my children not behave- how many of us have the guts to stand up and say "because I did not do what I should have". We always want it to be somebody else's faults.

Like dd's HT sticking desperately in the face of the medical evidence to the idea that dd had to be making her symptoms up because any other interpretation would mean that he and his school were at fault.

Cory, as usual YY...

We keep saying that children aren't behaving correctly for things that a lot of most adults aren't able to do.

Things such as

• being able to give an accurate account of events, wo things being twisted by your pov
• being always calm and reasonable
• taking other pov into accounts
• think before you act
• being able to stand up and say 'yes it's my fault'
• believing in things that don't exist etc etc

And then we say that children aren't reliable 'because they still believe in Santa' forget that for some adults believing in god is just as crazy as believing in Santa and that adults are reliable because ... oh yes they always see things as they are and not as they wish they are, they can stand up and acknowledge their mistakes and never ever get angry