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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to keep the expensive stuff for me and let the kids use the normal stuff?

328 replies

2kidsintow · 20/10/2013 21:25

There are few things in life that are reserved for me alone.

However, I buy the DDs the normal bog standard chocolate spread for their weekend breakfast pancake treat and keep the lovely Cadbury stuff for me alone, on a high shelf.

OP posts:
mijas99 · 21/10/2013 11:07

Chunderalla.

There is no such thing as healthy and unhealthy food, only healthy and unhealthy quantities of food. Ice cream has plenty of nutrition for a young kid, especially if it is home made/artesan. And its not as if he eats it every day!

I have a can of coke before I play tennis, perfectly healthy food in the circumstances. It gives me an energy boost to get through the 2 hours where I will burn around 1,000-1,500 calories.

Fatty, sugary and calorific food is essential if you are are high energy. It's only if you are overweight and sedantry that it is a problem. Growing up, I always had a problem getting enough calories into me and was a stone or two underweight until I was 18. At sports for example, I would have been much better with another 10kgs as I lacked strength

TantrumsAndBalloons · 21/10/2013 11:08

Im curious if this attitude also carries over into everything else, not just food.

Do people not buy clothes or shoes or perfume unless the dcs have a better quality item.

HeadsDownThumbsUp · 21/10/2013 11:11

I agree with mijas Having different foods for adults and children sends a clear message, and not a good one. The idea that some foods are "too good for children" or that kids "won't know the difference" is parsimonious and self-serving.

But then I can't be doing with cooking up different meals for different members of the family either. Understandable if someone has an intolerance or an allergy, but otherwise it's weird pandering. Dinner is dinner, for adults and kids. The food in the house is the food in the house.

Really, how can people complain about their DCs being fussy, or only eating kiddie foods if they have been encouraged to see kids food and adult food as different from an early age?

Artandco · 21/10/2013 11:11

I would by equal in clothing also. So if I buy myself natural organic tshirts I would buy my children the same. If I brought all mine from asda I would buy them the same.

SPsTombRaidingWithCliff · 21/10/2013 11:13

Heads In my sons case it send the message that not everything is his

Sirzy · 21/10/2013 11:13

The kiddies food and adult food idea on menus really annoys me. The amount of places where the only options for children are nuggets/fish fingers type things drives me mad - you rarely see nuggets and fishfingers on the adult menu. Why smaller versions of the main menu can't be offered for children more I don't know. Some places do that and its great!

Chunderella · 21/10/2013 11:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Sirzy · 21/10/2013 11:15

i would say there is an unhealthy diet rather than any food being unhealthy on its own. Its about the overall diet rather than one meal or part of a meal.

mrsjay · 21/10/2013 11:16

Heads In my sons case it send the message that not everything is his

that it shows them they just can't get it because it is there it is fine to have your own treats this isn't about depriving children these children are not being neglected because they are not having mummys chocolate they have their own chocolate, it is also fine to enjoy a luxury and treat to yourself and not give any of it to our children it is honestly OK they will not combust because they didn't get a bit of their mums chocolate spread

SPsTombRaidingWithCliff · 21/10/2013 11:17

Well unless he is willing to.trade as I quite like a freddo now and again Grin

MuffCakes · 21/10/2013 11:17

Sorry I'm laughing at all clothes being equal.

I have loads and loads of clothes, my dc have quite a fair bit to but not as much as me, why, because my clothes last me years and I only buy a few items every season but my dc grow out their summer clothes by the time next summer comes along and need new all over again. So yes their clothes are H&M primarni asda style while mine are all of that with a few more nicer bits to.

Chunderella · 21/10/2013 11:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mrsjay · 21/10/2013 11:18

Sirzy i do agree about childrens menus though there is no need for everything to be breaded well that is what it was like when my dds were small dd2 hated the childrens menu and it was hard to find her something she might want to eat, dd1 was fine she would any old breaded crap Grin

mijas99 · 21/10/2013 11:19

You are wrong Chunderalla. 100% wrong, and opinions like yours are what sends confusing messages to those who do have problems making food decisions

As part of a varied diet, you can really eat anything, in the right quantities. And home made/artesan ice cream without all the artificial emulsifies (which contain no nutrition) is rich in nutrition, especially pistaccio ice cream! Wonderful fats, oils and proteins in that!

And I say that as a biochemist by training

SPsTombRaidingWithCliff · 21/10/2013 11:20

I have more expensive clothes items than my son. I have Uggs (don't judge) and an expensive coat. They are both years.old. My son has had several coats in that period.

When he stops growing I will spend more. I stopped growing at 12. I have trainers that are 10 year old

TantrumsAndBalloons · 21/10/2013 11:21

So you have to spend the same, or more on dcs clothes, shoes etc?

I dont get that either. I must have missed the memo that says I am exactly the same as my children, even though I run the house and earn the money.

I would not dream of buying dd the same perfume that I wear because mine is expensive and she drowns herself in it.
I do not buy my dcs clothes in the same place I buy my clothes. I do not spend a lot of money on ds2 shoes because he kicks the front out playing football at school.

DuckToWater · 21/10/2013 11:21

There are a lot of false parallels being made on this thread.

Keeping treats for yourself is the sort of things that keeps you going as a parent. Not everything you own is to be shared with children, DH or anyone else!

It doesn't mean the kids get to eat scraps off the floor while I dine on steak, champagne and caviar.

The martyrs here can have a Biscuit A Tesco value one, while I have a homemade cookie.

Artandco · 21/10/2013 11:22

Yes I would. Obviously not the same items but same range/ quality.

Ie if I spent a lot on a high quality suit for work, I wouldn't then go and by them their winter coat from primark. I would look at a high quality coat also. The same way if I had to buy work clothes from primark I wouldn't then spend £100 on their coat.

MadBannersAndCopPorn · 21/10/2013 11:22

We have lots of adult only treats in the house- most of which are consumed at night when children are in bed Grin e.g. camembert, schloer (sp), dried meats, sensations crisps etc.
The children don't care if we have these things whilst we have ours either, to them it's just cheese, juice, ham and crisps.
They have many treats and snacks that we don't and vice versa.

bakingaddict · 21/10/2013 11:25

Tantrum I am not employing some kind of double standard or saying that adults should go without treats.

I don't hide anything from the kids, equally if i'm out and about with them and I fancy a Tolberone which is my weakness i'll just buy the bigger size to accommodate us all but I will admit when I do get to have a treat on my own it's nice not to have small faces looking expectantly for their share

I just believe that whatever food is in the house is equally available for everybody, nobody in the family is any more or less important than the next family member. DH and me have iphones, blackberries, Kindles etc but as my eldest is only 6 I haven't felt the need to buy him any of this.

Food is an emotive issue and to me food and mealtimes are at the heart of the family. I can only speculate that my views are a hang-up to my childhood when if my mum did bother to buy food it was usually cheap junk because she would rather buy clothes for herself and stuff for the house. It didn't matter if me and my brother went hungry as long as mum and the house looked good

MrsDavidBowie · 21/10/2013 11:25

Dh and I had a bar of chocolate last night....dcs didn't have any as they had theirs on Saturday night.
Did I feel guilty?

No.

SPsTombRaidingWithCliff · 21/10/2013 11:26

MrsDavid Bet you made them watch you eat it Grin

Chunderella · 21/10/2013 11:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Elsiequadrille · 21/10/2013 11:29

I'm not sure about children and adults having their own food (unless is alcohol based, or not suitable etc), especially if the children's food consists of what the parents deem to be inferior brands they wouldn't eat themselves.

differentnameforthis · 21/10/2013 11:30

If I want to treat myself to a nice bar of chocolate or a treat i'll do it away from the kids such as at work, or if i'm shopping alone, visiting friends etc.

Why though? You are hiding the fact that you have something different that they don't have, which I don't understand at all. I am upfront about it & honest, they know that X in the fridge, or Y in the cupboard is mums, just like the cake we bake is for them (I don't like cake)

Example. For my birthday my friend made me a cheesecake. As far as the dc were concerned, it was for everyone, because I didn't say differently & because it was.

I didn't have a piece straight away as she bought it over the night dh took me out for dinner (she babysat). I went out the next day (all day). Following day I didn't have any until after dinner & it was mostly gone. The tiniest sliver left!

It wasn't huge, but unbeknown to me, dh allowed them to have some while I was at work & let older dc cut it. Dh also had some. After school they asked for some (dh still at work), so not realising they had already had some, I said yes. Again, oldest dc cut it. When I wanted some, there was barely 2 mouthfuls left. Yes, it was annoying for me, but as I said, the food was for everyone.

My point is that left to their own devises, dh & the dc will eat the food we have in the house as soon as they see it. I can take it or leave it & just have one or two pieces of chocolate for example. They seem to need to devour it in case it disintegrates.

If I had said that the cheesecake was for me, they would have respected that & left it, & knowing me, we ALL would have had a piece after dinner.

So why shouldn't have a little something that they know is mine & off limits, so you know, I can actually ENJOY something that I bring into the house?

After all, when they go to work, they can't just help themselves to the food in the fridge and/or cupboard that might be their colleagues lunch!

It about respect & boundaries, in my opinion.

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