to keep the expensive stuff for me and let the kids use the normal stuff?

[2kidsintow]

There are few things in life that are reserved for me alone.

However, I buy the DDs the normal bog standard chocolate spread for their weekend breakfast pancake treat and keep the lovely Cadbury stuff for me alone, on a high shelf.

I don't believe in children's meals and adult meals. Food is food.

Yabu

My parents used to have 'their yogurts' etc etc when we were young and it made us feel really resentful and unimportant.

My children don't have cheap alternatives, I have 1 thortons bar of chocolate while they have a kinder bueno.

I am not a bad parent because I have 2 insignificant items of food to my self.

That's why I hide my once a week biscuit habit, everything else is free for all in our house.

My Mum used to keep a carton of Libby's Orange C for herself each week and it just to bug me but now I look back and I don't know why. She never had anything else. Does it really matter that one person has one thing they keep for themselves? My dc gets loads of treats that I have no part of. Why can't I have ONE without being made to feel guilty about it?

It's nothing about individuality for me. It initially started out when they were smaller as the biscuits I like being too rich and not that great for them. Now it's really about the fact that they have two sweet things a day and I don't really want them having anymore so I eat MY biscuits when they're not around.

I can think of quite a few things that I keep separate, but it's usually in the kid's favor not mine and dh's. Kids get h&b sugar free choc, me and dh get 30p/100g asda choc. Kids get h&b almond butter, dh gets cheap peanut butter. Kids get fresh juice, we get smart price squash. I even give me and dh frozen sausages and give the kids the 98% ones. I have to put them on separate trays because the frozen ones leak horrible stuff. I already spend a fortune on food, I couldn't afford to give the kids the stuff the healthier stuff if we were eating it too.

So I would say YANBU op, but only if the kid's cheaper stuff is not filled with more sugar and shite than yours. In which case share it or do without y' stingy get! Mwah ha ha

My mum used to have butter and we kids had marge. But it was her one treat, and we didn't begrudge her it; she went without plenty to make sure we were fed and clothed so why not?

It doesn't do children any harm to understand they're not the centre of the universe.

No-one is saying that hoarding biscuits or chocolate spread is the sum total of their individuality or "adulthood"! And buying and keeping a couple of things for yourself is not "sticking it to the kids" because the whole point is that they neither know about it nor are being deprived of anything significant!

Holding on to your own individuality while being a good parent obviously involves far more than keeping some chocolate to yourself - that goes without saying. But this (minor) example of asserting your individuality through food has aroused a strong reaction because of the very strong connection between being a good mother and feeding children.

Not the sum total, better, but people seem to be saying that it is symbolic of their individuality/adulthood. I guess I just don't feel that strongly about biscuits!

Yes, there is a strong connection between being a good parent and feeding children. Perhaps that's why I choose not to assert my individuality via the medium of biscuits.

No heads that's not true.

I personally said if you feel guilty drinking a glass of "nice" juice because your children should be the only ones to drinking then I wonder why. I wonder why as a mother you suddenly become a person who is not worthy of a glass of juice or a piece of fruit.
To me, that is very strange. Why would you become less of a person because you had a child?

Honestly, I think it's quite important for children to see their parents (particularly mothers) valuing themselves and staking some things out as hers. Special chocolate or bubble bath or biscuits etc.

This all obviously has to be balanced with children having plenty themselves, as in a well-balanced healthy diet with plenty of things to eat and treats, too.

Think about all the time children are spoiled with food- at parties and Christmas and birthdays and Easter and so on. Ice creams at the beach and fizzy drinks in restaurants.

I'm sure most of the dcs of people on this thread get more food and treats than their parents. What is the harm in a mother keeping one special thing back for herself? Seriously- one. thing.

and why is this not the same as bubble bath or clothes? I don't get it. It's just food.

I think it is fine to have your own treats.

I do not agree in children eating rubbish food whilst parents have steak/fish.

I remember a friend at secondary school having to ask her mother for a biscuit. She also had tea with her evening meal rather than a soft drink. I found this odd as my dsis were allowed to help ourselves to whatever was in our home.

when my ds was a young lad(talking teenager here) I had coca cola for me and rola cola for him, he would drink a 2 litre bottle in one day and share it with his friends and never even taste it. NO WAY coke is the real thing and its mine!!! and I cant drink any other crap coke it is my one addiction.

and before anyone is aghast that I would allow him to drink so much of it, it was one bottle per week, and he survived this with no adverse effects

Hoarding chocolate is a very, very minor example of retaining your own individuality but the reason we are discussing this in particular is because that was the original post! It is a tiny symbol but a symbol nonetheless!

It never fails to amaze - and amuse - me how a seemingly light-hearted original post can yield such a diverse and passionate range of views. I wonder if the OP is laughing at us all!

"I personally said if you feel guilty drinking a glass of "nice" juice because your children should be the only ones to drinking then I wonder why"

I would never feel guilty for drinking a glass of "nice" juice. I'd just buy the best stuff I can reasonably afford and it's for everyone. I wouldn't reserve good stuff just for the kids, or just for me. If kids are drinking far too much and not leaving enough for others, then that's a lesson that needs to be taught, imo. They need to learn to share and think about other people, and I don't see how that message is instilled by setting an example of keeping nice things all to yourself.

So far, of the people who do give their DCs different foodstuffs, it's either been because they think the DCs don't know the difference, or that they can have more of the cheaper stuff than the good stuff. Or because it sends some kind of message about adult individuality/authority/adulthood. I can't relate to that. I don't see the need to send messages with food.

Blimey! This must be my most replied-to thread ever!

I don't hide the stuff, it's just on a high shelf so that they reach for the other stuff first. They really don't care. And I will share with them if I have to .

If it upsets some, sorry, but yes it was light hearted.

Spot on BettercallSaul... it has brought rather a smile to my face at how debated the issue has been!

"and why is this not the same as bubble bath or clothes? I don't get it. It's just food"

Because, to be honest, there's not much of an impactful difference between bubble baths, is there? We are fine giving kids 'normal' bubble bath, and using 'luxury' bubble bath because we know, in our heart of hearts, that the normal stuff does exactly the same job. As mentioned upthread, kids outgrow clothes, wreck clothes, so there's no point in buying clothes for them in the same way that we buy them for ourselves.

But giving a kid a burger while you have a steak doesn't send the message that it's "just food". If it was "just food" you'd all be having burgers, eh?

3kidsintow i am exhausted all about a jar of chocolate spread munching bournville that kids are not getting

headdownthumbs up I have tried to reply to you a few times but I dont really understand what you are saying ,

I just don't feel the need to show kids how important I am by withholding special biscuits.

I don't buy food I don't eat. Why would you want to feed your children inferior food? Mad

My mum used to hide the only chocolate biscuits in the house and eat them in secret (we were poor). Except we knew she had them and that she ate them and never gave them to us. This speaks volumes. She was a selfish bitch and still is.