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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that if you invite guests round you should turn off the tv?

106 replies

MogwaiTheGremlin · 19/10/2013 18:54

We were invited round to dh's mate's house for afternoon tea with the kids. We arrived at the appointed hour to find him sat on the sofa watching rugby. He made us tea then resumed watching and basically didn't move for the 2 hours we were there even though the kids were playing in the large open plan kitchen where all the toys are.
His wife and I spent the whole time hovering between the two rooms trying to keep an eye on the children whilst attempting to have a conversation with dh and his mate.
Dh loves sport but if there was a particular match he wanted to see he would record it not watch it while we had guests! Or not suggest that time in the first place?
Ds had a lovely time playing with their children but the adults really didn't have a chance to catch up and we only see them a few times a year.
I think it's really rude but maybe I'm expecting too much ceremony?!

OP posts:
Justforlaughs · 20/10/2013 09:04

In my mind I am running through the possible probable conversation between DH and friend

DF - are you watching teh rugby this weekend?
DH - would love to but DW will want me to do something with the kids
DF - me too, why not come over to ours and watch it with me, DW might leave me alone if I have company
DH - hmm, sounds great, but DW would have a fit
DF - bring her with you, we can watch rugby while DWs drink tea and kids can entertain each other (totally out of touch with how much "entertaining" young children need)

Grin

On a side note, I have been known to ask visitors to wait a minute while a particular relevant news flash or something has been on, but in general the tv goes off. No excuse now with the recording box.

GillyBillyWilly · 20/10/2013 09:12

MIL and FIL do this.
We go over for a visit and the tv is ALWAYS on. Infact it's like they can't cope unless it's on!!!
If it's off, they turn it on!
FIL is often watching sport and if there's no sport on he flicks through channels and puts on whatever he can find!

Totally different to my parents who rarely have the tv on anyway and wouldn't dream of having it on when they have visitors.

Everyone's different I guess.

minniemagoo · 20/10/2013 09:24

I would have thought Justforlaughs explanation most likely. I am a huge rugby fan, as is Dh, and anyone invited to our house yesterday would have expected the tv on Smile

Howsuper · 20/10/2013 09:27

I think watching sports is very different to watching a movie or TV show.

You don't have to give it your undivided attention and it's a group activity - ie it can be lively and fun.

I'm not a massive sports fan but all the males and most females in my and dh's families are so I'm used to this and it doesn't bother me in the slightest.

limitedperiodonly · 20/10/2013 09:30

I think justforlasughs has nailed it too.

I don't get the telly outrage. If someone really badly wants to watch a live sporting event isn't it rude to make them turn it off and engage in chit chat?

Cat98 · 20/10/2013 09:33

Fil is the same (I say fil because mil wouldn't have it on if it was just her) he always has something on when we go round there, either sport or the soaps! And it's always really loud because he's a bit deaf. H and I often end up escaping upstairs with ds!

Cat98 · 20/10/2013 09:34

And I agree about sport, if its a big sporting event imo that's different and fine to have it on. But if I was inviting someone round for dinner as in the case of the op, I'd either check they liked said sport or invited them at a different time!

invicta · 20/10/2013 09:39

Unless you were invited specifically to watch the match, then rude.

olgaga · 20/10/2013 09:45

I think YABU. He's your DH's mate. He invited you both round so that he and your DH could watch the rugby together!

Don't see anything wrong tbh. Why would they turn off the TV when that was the purpose of the visit?

Original poster
MogwaiTheGremlin · 20/10/2013 14:06

Olgaga did you read my post? The invite was for 'tea and cake with the kids' - at no point was rugby mentioned.

Limited I would never 'make' someone turn off the tv if they really wanted to watch something but why suggest that particular time to have us round?

I realise some families have background tv on more or less all the time (pil do this) but imho it should be turned off when you invite guests round at a specific time - partcularly guests you don't often see v often.

Ds had a great time at their house so I'm grateful for that but if dh and i had wanted to watch the rugby we could have done so in the comfort of our own home!

OP posts:
Original poster
MogwaiTheGremlin · 20/10/2013 14:11

Oh and I agree that watching sport can be a group activity but their set up meant that the kids needed supervising in the kitchen whilst the tv was on in the sitting room therefore the adults were separated by necessity.

OP posts:
Milkjug · 20/10/2013 14:25

My ILs used to do this all the time. In fairness, they have never grasped that other people aren't necessarily interested in football and horse racing, and they always had the TV on from breakfast till bedtime, BUT the really maddening thing was that they used to draw the curtains in daytime or leave the light off at night, and the room was set up with their two armchairs facing the TV, the only other seating being a sofa against the same wall as the TV. So I would have to sit in the dark, watching them impassively watch a tv I couldn't see... aargh.

Until I started saying 'Clearly I've caught you at a bad time...' I genuinely don't think they realised it was rude. Even though we were visiting from abroad...

PeriodFeatures · 20/10/2013 15:21

I was going to say what justforlaughs said.

It was a conspiracy between your DH and his friend. I'm guessing you wouldn't have agreed to this so they had to use underhand tactics :)

limitedperiodonly · 20/10/2013 15:25

I would never 'make' someone turn off the tv if they really wanted to watch something but why suggest that particular time to have us round?

mogwai because I think justforlaughs is probably right.

As I said, I've been a victim of a man who thought it okay to palm his children off on me and his wife, while he did fun things with my embarrassed DH. We don't see them any more.

But I find it far more common to be with couples who are at war over their priorities and draw you into their battles. I suspect that's what this couple did to you.

I get tired of the kind of prejudice expressed on this thread. Is it okay to have background noise as long as it's Radio 3 instead of The Chase?

Bunbaker · 20/10/2013 15:25

"If the rugby was on I wouldn't invite people round....or if I did I'd make a point of saying "I'm watching the rugby, but feel free to come anyway". I'm capable of watching rugby and having a conversation but little will drag me away from watching England play I'm afraid"

That is what would happen in the bunbaker household. OH is a massive rugby fan. He records most rugby programmes, but there is no way we would invite guests round during the 6 nations unless they were prepared to watch the rugby. In fact, when there is an evening match OH watches the upstairs TV while DD and I watch whatever we want to see downstairs.

Justforlaughs · 20/10/2013 15:40

Oh Bunbaker I am SO jealous, in our house DH gets to watch rugby downstairs while we get banished to any other room, as his "eyesight is not good enough to see the smaller screens" Envy

Oldraver · 20/10/2013 15:47

I think it very rude as well. My folks are addicted to the tv and as we dont see them very often I think they should be able to manage without having to have their fix..I usually give my Dad half an hour in my house before he asks to put it on.

We also live away from most friends and family so look forward to seeing photos (and the odd video) on FB... most of these have the backdrop of the tv... A recent video of a friends baby's first moves was drowned out by the tv.

I do like watching the odd thing so not anti tv..but theres a time and place

limitedperiodonly · 20/10/2013 16:02

oldraver I'd find a video of a baby's first moves tedious in the extreme. But maybe you're the kind of person who enjoys looking at other people's holiday snaps.

I'm an enthusiastic consumer of many forms of entertainment, TV is one of them. I like conversation too.

I'm just bemused when people assume their chit-chat is superior to watching the telly.

Original poster
MogwaiTheGremlin · 20/10/2013 16:04

Well if it was a conspiracy I feel sorry for the other wife! I'm also surprised because Dh knows he can have time off to do the things he likes (eg cycling in the pouring rain this morning Confused) but he wants to spend time with ds as he misses out all week.
I don't normally give dh much credit but he spent equal time supervising ds - without prompting - as sitting with his mate so I have no issue with him.

OP posts:
Original poster
MogwaiTheGremlin · 20/10/2013 16:12

Limited if I've been invited round to someone's house my chat should be more interesting to them than whatever happens to be on tv otherwise why invite me? I'm not anti tv and there are certain things I love to watch so I wouldn't invite guests at that particular time or I would record it and watch it later.
I scheduled my wedding around 6 Nations fixtures ffs but I don't invite people into my home, pass them a cup of tea and then ignore them for 2 hours.

OP posts:
olgaga · 20/10/2013 16:16

Mogwai, but you had tea and cakes with the kids. If that's what you went for, what's the problem? Why do you feel sorry for the DW? Presumably she was happy enough to see you, and you her, and as you have said, the DC enjoyed it.

Your DHs friend preferred to watch the rugby, what a nerve to want to do so in his own home, with his friend!

Original poster
MogwaiTheGremlin · 20/10/2013 16:37

Actually Olgaga we didn't receive the promised cake as DW rather had her hands full dealing with her screaming children! Grin
I feel sorry for her because she was stuck in the kitchen - no other word for it - whilst her husband sat on his arse watching tv. Maybe she would have 'preferred' to do something else too but she didn't have the choice since he invited us over.
And whilst I'm glad ds had a lovely time, I can think of a million better things to do on a Saturday than stand in a doorway in silence punctuated by the occasional shout of 'that was forward ref'.

OP posts:
MortifiedAdams · 20/10/2013 16:41

Tbh id have left the children and the menchildren and took her out to share a bottle of.wine!

Original poster
MogwaiTheGremlin · 20/10/2013 16:44

Definitely should have done that! Next time Grin

OP posts:
Xmasbaby11 · 20/10/2013 16:58

It is rude. However, it doesn't surprise me at all. This sounds better to me than friends who are XFactor addicts and ask to watch it live when I have visited them or vice versa. DH and I hate that kind of thing!