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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that if you invite guests round you should turn off the tv?

106 replies

MogwaiTheGremlin · 19/10/2013 18:54

We were invited round to dh's mate's house for afternoon tea with the kids. We arrived at the appointed hour to find him sat on the sofa watching rugby. He made us tea then resumed watching and basically didn't move for the 2 hours we were there even though the kids were playing in the large open plan kitchen where all the toys are.
His wife and I spent the whole time hovering between the two rooms trying to keep an eye on the children whilst attempting to have a conversation with dh and his mate.
Dh loves sport but if there was a particular match he wanted to see he would record it not watch it while we had guests! Or not suggest that time in the first place?
Ds had a lovely time playing with their children but the adults really didn't have a chance to catch up and we only see them a few times a year.
I think it's really rude but maybe I'm expecting too much ceremony?!

OP posts:
BillyBanter · 19/10/2013 20:05

It's pretending to have family time while getting the mums looking after the kids again, same as usual.

Lazysuzanne · 19/10/2013 20:08

I dont have a telly but at times when I did, I'd always turn it off if I had visitors.
With certain (hard to make conversation with) people I'll have the radio on quietly in the background.
I've noticed that some people have the tv on all the time whenever they are at home regardless

Lazysuzanne · 19/10/2013 20:10

yes, I see it as a 'knuckle-dragger' trait (but I didn't want to be the first to say it Blush )

bundaberg · 19/10/2013 20:10

no, it's ridiculously rude!

Lazysuzanne · 19/10/2013 20:14

my first husband came from a family who had the telly on all the time (a la 'Royle Family') clearly I married beneath me

Original poster
MogwaiTheGremlin · 19/10/2013 20:15

Background tv I could deal with (though personally I find it distracting so would always turn it off) but he was properly watching - eyes glued to the screen and a running commentary!

OP posts:
Original poster
MogwaiTheGremlin · 19/10/2013 20:17

What is knuckle dragger!?! Blush

OP posts:
Original poster
MogwaiTheGremlin · 19/10/2013 20:17

Suzanne Grin

OP posts:
loopydoo · 19/10/2013 20:18

Yes - rude....unless he had mentioned your dh coming to watch rugby with him I guess.
We were recently invited to stay over at friends and they had (unbeknown to us) also invited another random friend (luckily dh knew him vaguely), over for the night. The friend was obviously quite at home there and even though it was a Saturday night, switched onto the rugby (goodness why rugby is on Saturday night??) and proceeded to watch it!!

Weird Confused.

limitedperiodonly · 19/10/2013 20:19

He invited you? Sounds like he wanted company for himself and company for his non-rugby fan wife. Or maybe they arranged it together and thought you'd be delighted.

I used to have friends like this. Used to Grin

People's attitudes to tellies can be annoyingly superior though.

I was very miffed when I had a home visit from a physio after an operation. She told me to turn the telly off. I did it but I thought she was really rude for telling, not asking.

I hadn't noticed it, it's background noise and I naturally wanted to pay attention to her. If she'd have asked nicely like: 'Do you mind? It's distracting me', that would have been fine.

She was making a point, which isn't an attitude that's conducive to her job or patients.

Never mind. I was going to offer her tea and nice biscuits. But because of that, I didn't.

BillyBanter · 19/10/2013 20:23

tbh I've had/left the telly on when people come round but not if I've invited them round for dinner or something. Only if they've come over to borrow something or I don't give a shit if they think I'm rude/I'm not interested.

And also if a friend is just hanging out at mine we'll watch telly.

ScariestFairyByFar · 19/10/2013 20:23

If you were all sat round the tv being ignored then they are totally rude, but maybe they thought that was a good plan albeit slightly stereotypical. Men watch rugby women watch kids!

Lazysuzanne · 19/10/2013 20:24

Mogwai, proto-hominid is my other term for knuckle-dragger.
Ie someone primitive, un evolved Wink

Original poster
MogwaiTheGremlin · 19/10/2013 20:32

Ha! Proto Grin

OP posts:
Lavenderhoney · 19/10/2013 20:32

I don't have the tv on much anyway. Of people come over, it won't be on at all, unless its arranged they come for sport. I would be out though, in that scenario:)

Maybe he thought your dh and him could watch that whist you and his wife chatted and made friends in the kitchen. As long as he didnt expect snacks:)

I might have gone home and left my dh there though, if the dc weren't having fun, and he wanted to stay and watch.

Maybe they had had a row or something before you came.

BurlyShassey · 19/10/2013 20:53

when we have guests, Ill put a music station on the tv with music in the background as I hate hearing the sounds of slurping/stomach rumbles/stray fart/loud crunching of biscuits etc etc. Grin

also we have a noisy neighbour and it really irks us so I need something on to cover that noise.

if anyone wants to come round when any tennis(especially Wimbledon) is on then they know ill have it on, one eye on the tv, but full listening attention on them.

Lazysuzanne · 19/10/2013 21:27

'BurlyShassey' is such a good spoonerism :o

PeppiNephrine · 19/10/2013 21:40

If that was my house, the men would be installed in the room with the rugby, the children and the tea, while the women would be hiding in the kitchen with the gin. win win!

LaQueenOfTheDamned · 19/10/2013 21:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FreeWee · 19/10/2013 21:59

Oh yeah the Olympics was different Grin

I went round to a friend's house for a dinner party and we had their laptop on the table watching Mo Farrah!

limitedperiodonly · 19/10/2013 22:11

When my physio/occupational therapist came round the TV was tuned to the Parliament Channel because I was waiting for Prime Minister's Question Time.

I did want to watch it, but obviously demurred because we had an appointment.

But did the fact that she wasn't interested in politics make me think she was stupid?

Yes.

EndoplasmicReticulum · 19/10/2013 22:35

It's my grandfather-in-law mainly, and Channel4 racing. For hours. Why they don't just leave him at home to watch it I don't know, I'm sure he'd prefer that.

And MIL, and soaps. I think that insisting people watch Coronation Street when they would not normally choose to is rude.

CrapBag · 19/10/2013 23:15

YANBU. But it seems to be so common.

What really pisses me off is that DH's family invite him and the kids around (I could go but choose to have some peace and quiet) then as soon as the kids walk in, they put the sodding tv on for them, and leave it on the whole time. I don't just let my kids sit in front of the tv all the time. They are pretty happy to actually play, but no, they don't know how or can't be bothered to engage with the kids so they stick them in front of the box.

My BIL actually said recently that when DH next takes the kids around, he wants them to bring a film with them so they can sit and watch it. Sounds like a great visit. Hmm

I think it is incredibly rude, like people texting when you are talking to them. Grrrrrrrr. Real pet hates here!

Mojavewonderer · 20/10/2013 08:46

Very rude! If after half an hour it's still on and they are still watching I would leave.

halfwildlingwoman · 20/10/2013 08:49

I didn't have a telly growing up, but when we got one, it would always be turned off for guests. We do the same now, though if it's someone expected, it would be unlikely to be on anyway as I would be racing around shouting at everyone to get the place clean
In my best friend's house, growing up, her telly would always be on and I never thought her family were rude, it was just their thing. They lived on a council estate and had more people popping in and out, and as we were teenagers, it's not like being actual guests. For an official party/tea it would be off.
My SIL and BIL (DP's siblings) and his PIL all leave the telly on , all the time whatever the occasion. It was burbling in the background the whole of the Christmas visit last year, while approximately 10 adults sat around nibbling canapes Keeping up with the Kardashians was on their massive screen. They are very very middle class and obsessed with how people see them and should damn well know better.
But maybe my view is tainted by the fact that I love my BF's family and I despise my ILs. Grin