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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that if you're going to break wind, do it in private?

136 replies

ICameOnTheJitney · 18/10/2013 23:09

I know you're going to say AIBU...some of you will act outraged that I don't think it's "normal" to fart in front of your oh. But think it's disgusting.

Dh's STINK and I have lost count of the times I have asked him to do it in another room...he never frigging does.

I'm in the dining room on the comp. he's in the sitting room watchingrtv...he came in, made a drink, farted and left! I told him off
WHY????? DOES HE DO THIS???

It's ranker than rank! I think people should do it in the toilet because it's related to shitting...in fact it is the brother of shitting....a fart is the SOUL of a shit expired prior to the actual shit....and they all belong in the TOILET AIBU???

OP posts:
DaleyBump · 19/10/2013 00:40

Maybe you should leave the room then if you're the one with the problem.

WallaceWindsock · 19/10/2013 00:41

I have stress related IBS. I also have various food allergies. Sometimes if in anxious or haven't read an ingredients list thoroughly my stomach expands to resemble a 5months pregnant bump. That's all gas which has to then come out. If DP told me to go to the loo every time I needed to allow those epic quantities of gas to exit I would spend bloody hours holed up in the bathroom and would be very cross.

As it is he understands that wind is not always a sign that you need the loo and let's me get on with it. We've joked previously that I should go on dragons den to market my idea for a duvet fart trap extraction device. I think its a brilliant idea. If you fart lots in bed the duvet sort of traps it so when you innocently roll over, thus disturbing the top of the duvet all the smelly air escapes right under your nose. So we need special pumps to suck all the air out from the bottom of the duvet to solve this bothersome issue Grin

In all seriousness OP are you the same if he's ill or if was diagnosed with IBS and couldn't help it. Would you still want him to dash off to the loo every time he had a fart brewing? Because I've been known to do 25 substantial ones in 30mins when the bloating thing happens. Not pleasant for you but sure as hell not nice for me! Luckily DP has a sense of humour.

Original poster
ICameOnTheJitney · 19/10/2013 00:42

Daley HE CAME INTO THE ROOM I WAS IN AND FARTED! Then he left! Wtf should I leave?/?

OP posts:
Original poster
ICameOnTheJitney · 19/10/2013 00:43

Wallace but he hasn't got IBS!

OP posts:
YouTheCat · 19/10/2013 00:44

Shartage is a terrible problem when having a 'fart off'. Have you considered plastic pants in case of spillage? Grin

Well, I shall be off. It is bedtime and dp is about to be gassed. Mwahahaha

justmuddlingalong · 19/10/2013 00:45

Wallace we find that a house brick in each corner of the duvet cover traps any smell and stops the duvet flying off the bed!

ArwenStardust · 19/10/2013 00:45

Unicorn the Shock face is because, to me, it is a lot.
You see, like Her Majesty the Queen, I NEVER break wind....
Ahem.
As you were.

YouTheCat · 19/10/2013 00:47

Wallace, that is brilliant. I'm in! Grin

Monty27 · 19/10/2013 00:47

I can't stand farting fuckers, particularly smelly farting fuckers. They should be culled (not those with health issues).

WallaceWindsock · 19/10/2013 00:49

I often see posts like this and I've come to the conclusion that the people who think its disgusting aren't overly windy people. They've never had trapped wind that's resulted in their partner having to massage their tummy and saying "that's it, well done" at every trump and whistle while you lie there in agony. They've never had a horrid bug where it's a never ending bottom parade of whiffs and shits resulting again in said partner changing bed sheets and wiping your arse because you've passed out on the toilet.

I've also shared a tent with DP when he had food poisoning and completely stank the thing out with vile smelling ones. I didn't wring my hands and feel sorry for myself, it's a natural bodily function. Holding it in is bloody stupid and very painful. In your own home, with a partner who IMO should be able to hold your hair back when needed, prop you up on the loo when needed (again, nasty nasty virus), see you warts and all when needed because they love you, I don't think things like this should be an issue.

DropYourSword · 19/10/2013 00:50

Wallace, you actually made farts sound a little romantic there!

WandaDoff · 19/10/2013 00:56

One of my greatest pleasures in life is wandering in to the room where my two teenage DS are & dropping one.

WallaceWindsock · 19/10/2013 00:56

Aha investors! Maybe I should start selling shares, whos in?

OP if you fart infrequently enough to be able to do all yours in the bathroom then I don't think you understand. You have to lighten up and let it fly free when it's a regular occurrence otherwise you'd be a embarrassed jabbering wreck. And that's not just people with medical issues, some people get more wind than others. It's not their fault, what should they do, hold it in until they explode?

It's the mans home fsg. Be thankful that he isn't walking around with balls a dangling on all your furniture or shitting with the door open and trying to hold conversation at the same time, or holding a burpathon in your front room. He has a bit of wind. Open a window, light a candle (keep matches clear of arseholes while farting is occurring) or get a big fan to waft it with. Or just realise life is too short to worry about such things. I really hope you aren't a friend of mine OP because I'd be mortified if I thought you judged me as disgusting based on the way my digestive system works.

WallaceWindsock · 19/10/2013 00:58

Ahh DropYourSword, romance can be found in the strangest of places Grin

Original poster
ICameOnTheJitney · 19/10/2013 01:03

Being ill is not the same.

OP posts:
YouTheCat · 19/10/2013 01:04

Wallace, I was going to bed and now I am laughing too much... laugh... fart... giggle... trump... damn you, woman! Grin

randomAXEofkindness · 19/10/2013 01:05

YANBU OP. It's ungentlemanly. If anybody is in any doubt of this, I think I can clear it up. I use a water-tight, rigorous, scientific method of discerning what is gentlemanly from what is not, and that is to ask myself:

Would Tom Selleck do that in Blue Bloods?

No, I thought not

MrsBonkers · 19/10/2013 01:11

Trapped wind is so painful. I had trapped wind at 37wks pregnant, at least I thought I did, turned out I was in labour - it can be that painful!

Is it too early to move onto fanny farts. . . . . . . . . ?

WallaceWindsock · 19/10/2013 01:12

Yes but OP he's not like manufacturing them on purpose. You can't take a deep breath and wait ten seconds before blasting it out the other end! (Which would surely amuse school kids everywhereGrin). He can't help it, just like ill people can't help it. Gases are produced when the body digests food. Those gases then have to exit the body. You are saying he should be ashamed of a natural bodily function. We poo and wee on a toilet because it's hygienic. We sneeze into a tissue or hand so as not to drench some poor bugger next to us. But wind is not the same. It's like burps. There's nothing to catch. It's not like it needs to be cleaned up. It just drifts away on the breeze.

Let if drift OP! You may have to eat your words as you get older anyway.

TwoStepsBeyond · 19/10/2013 01:37

My DP is a terrible farter (tbf he does have medical issues which exacerbate this) but he always leaves the room, even if he only manages to get out of the door before exclaiming that he heard a strange noise in the hall and went to see what it was. I am generally in fits of giggles when he comes back in, but I appreciate that he makes the effort to keep a bit of mystery.

I am still yet to pass a proper noisy one in his presence after a year, although some very low rumbles from my 'stomach' may have escaped once or twice! I do notice how much I fart when he's not here, so I must be holding in a lot of gas. Probably best that he never moves in or I may explode!

TwoStepsBeyond · 19/10/2013 01:39

Bonkers, I have often thought that I would be on one of those 'I didn't realise I was pregnant' programs after such excruciating pain that I thought it must be labour. Turned out just to be wind, but it felt pretty damn close.

Titsalinabumsquash · 19/10/2013 02:56

I'm laying in bed unable to sleep giggling like a child, if I wake the baby I'm holding you lot responsible, hear me?

Farts are hilarious, it's a fact.

My sister has been with her DP 13 years and has never let one fly in front of him. I think I'd explode if that were me, DP's fondest memory of me in labour was standing over the toilet when my waters went everywhere and doing an elongated giggle fart... That and the baby of course. Grin

bragmatic · 19/10/2013 03:12

I am struggling to see how asking someone not to deliberately fart in
someone else's vicinity and walk off is unreasonable.

Hideous behaviour.

CharityFunDay · 19/10/2013 03:31

Farts are marvellous.

If they're mine.

Everyone else's can fuck off, they smell of rancid shite.

OTOH, a 'Dutch Oven' is hilarious.

As long as it isn't happening to me.

HTH

Sindarella · 19/10/2013 04:33

I don't mind if it just slips out, i do mind when P farts all bloody day. I see him straining to fart! It irritates me that much that i googled why he farts so much ( OP 3 times an hour is nothing compared to my P )
I found something about swallowing a lot of air, an he does eat like a pig, i sometimes leave the room as the sound of him chomping/breathing makes my nails itch. ( i am Aspergers, some noises i cant stand)

I think its rude to fart so much in front of anyone. An saying pardon afterwards does not make it right!

As you were, you bunch of fart sniffers Grin