to wonder if everyone elses children really did receive a perfect parents evening report (as posted on facebook)

[grumpalumpgrumped]

Parents evening season and my news feed is full of 'well done little johnny a perfect parents evening'. AIBU to wonder if I'm the only one to get a good but not perfect report for my DS?

Feeling a bit fed up and dare I say it a little disappointed (DS report was not bad at all just honest and I can see what they were saying is about right)

Not sure why it bothers me, just trying to gauge if I'm a terrible mother!

Putting positive stuff from school on Facebook is understandable however, making out your child is the brightest the school has ever encountered and the teacher is constantly astounded by their intellectual prowess, is not.

Arbitrary the school sounds incredibly unsupportive. They are not all like that. Have you looked into moving your DS?

I can't bear FB braggers! I make a point of not talking about my DC's open evenings. If I'm proud of their school life, the most important thing is that THEY know I am, not a bunch of my old school-mates.

Also I might have friends with children who don't do so well in school for whatever reason, I don't want my FB page to be a platform for making others feel like shit.

Ds2 is 10 and always gets great reports. Ds1 who is 18 now and is thankfully no longer at school always had awful reports and parents evenings. There were a few years I dreaded parents evenings

Alas, sue: this is my cumulative experience of several different schools with DS1. This one is actually quite good in comparison to the one where the teachers humiliated him in front of the class and punished him for being bullied. That one was a real gem!

I'm really not sure that moving him would actually help, because you can never know quite how awful a school is going to be until your child is in it. IME HTs often lie when persuading you to sign your child up to their school. And it's not that the school are always deliberately being awful. It's often a cumulative effect of lots of poorly trained people who haven't a clue what they're doing (but who feel they have to pretend that they do).

Also this school is at the end of our road. Getting to any other school would be difficult. So my plan is to be a total pain in the arse at this one (which he started in September). The biggest issue is that they seem to be ignoring my requests for a meeting to discuss why he's getting no support and detentions over bloody socks (especially given the difficulties he has in remembering he's got PE at all in a stupid 2 week timetable).

Also annoys me when people say their child is 'top o the class', I thought that sort of competitiveness in grades was abolished years ago.

My friend did this on facebook, it makes me cringe especially as I know its not entirely true, she also felt the need to tell me to my face how amazing her DS is doing. My DS is in the same class so I know what groups they are all in, she lies about all sorts incl reading levels!

Both mine had brilliant reports this time but it most definitely did not go on FB.

I put funny stuff in FB about my kids but never posted about school reports, just never crossed my mind - and they do get great reports.

Never see others post this kind of stuff either, not about how great and intelligent they are at school. Other stuff yes, but not boasting about how clever your kids are - strange. Where are all these people. My FB is so dull, never any contentious stuff or arguing ect.

I always do for DCs 2&3.

After years of DC1's school parents' nights I feel entitled to feel very proud. I wouldn't post about it on FB though. Just knowing that we don't have 3 complete deliquents is enough for DH and I.

I don't really have an issue with people saying they are proud of their DCs reports or parents evening but my friend is winding me up lately as I am sure she is saying how amazing her DS is doing to get me to divulge more info about my DS, she has an issue with him for some reason and asks about his levels etc (he is quite academic and she is quite nosey )

I am probably over thinking it and maybe it doesn't actually matter at all.

I have no issue with people doing it, up to them, but as most go to the same school it made me think that DS is terrible (he is not, he's no angel and I agree with the comments even if I was a little surprised as last year was very good)

Feel more rational today, others children are not my concern and comparing based on Facebook posts is ridiculous!

Arbitrary Detentions over socks? FFs how petty can you get.

I'm a teacher, sort of. I love reading all the perfect conference statuses and making note of which ones are out and out lies.

It's the little things, but you have to laugh or you'll cry.

Well school uniform is really crucial you know. And 3 planner comments a week = detention, so the wrong sons twice and losing your pen between classes (which happens several times a week) means lots of scope for detention.

And the letters remind me that they use stronger sanctions for people who accumulate too many detentions. Because, you know, a dyspraxic kid with the wrong socks you can't even see and a lost pen is a menace and must be dealt with accordingly. Especially when I can't figure out what the right bloody socks would be (or why it could possibly matter).

Another parent told me about the joy of her on getting detention because his trainers were stolen (at school). Because you must be punished even if it's not your fault that you don't have the right kit.

And don't even get me started on the compulsory in school exclusion (with all the kids who've actually done stuff worth worrying about) for forgetting your planner. Especially when they know you struggle with organising yourself (and are trying really, really hard but still looking like a total disaster).

The ridiculously petty tyranny of secondary education in a contemporary academy,..

That sounds really bad arbitary I would make sure you communicate with the school in writing and maybe keep notes on anything unreasonable they do.

Well the last few years oh high school for Ds 1 there was a lot of very worried parents wandering round after the abysmal report their sons were getting.

I was one of them and we were all trying to console each other.

None of us posted that miserable chat on FB!

Arbitrary that sounds like a stupendously awful school. Is your DS officially diagnosed as dyspraxic? Because if he is, you could be that parent and get them under the Disability Discrimination Act.

I hate schools who are blanket draconian on everything - detentions should be for things like seriously bad behaviour, persistently not doing homework, that sort of thing. Wrong socks and lost pens/planners are just not such a big deal, and of course this approach could seriously backfire, as in 'well, if they're going to give me a detention over my socks, I might as well just do something really bad'.

Oh. I am going to be that parent. I've just spoken to his 'learning manager' about the unhelpfulness of sanctioning a dyspraxic teenager over being disorganised. And how, you know, telling he needs to get organised doesn't actually achieve anything.

There is really nothing I can do to ensure that he doesn't lose his pen(s)/dinner money/coat/PE kit/anything and everything else after he's left the house and gone to school. I understand that they expect everyone to have all their equipment, but is it really that hard for a teacher to just say 'Oh, here's a pen DS'? Would that not seem a 'reasonable adjustment'?

The crap thing is that the other local schools seem just as new managerial and ridiculous as this one. I'm sure Gove and Wilshaw think they're all utterly wonderful.

I have around 100 American friends Facebook

I'd say, hmmmmmm, 92 of them have children who are on the honour roll, they're all geniuses

The other 8? 5 of them home school and the other 3 are sane.

All my American friends have honours roll student children too, now you mention it. It must be a big roll!

Yup!

In the past my 14 yo DS was getting A's in everything, however on a parents evening his math teacher said he could try harder, he was and is still in top set and getting A's, what more do they want. We have had this with chemistry too, try harder, he is at an A in gcse. I think the school must be on an A* drive.

arbitary they really do appear to be punishing your ds because he is dyspraxic...has he got a statement, is he on their sn register because of his dx? They are failing him and if they're failing to arrange a meeting then I'd be complaining to whoever seems appropriate.

My ds has just started year 7 mainstream with a statement for his asd and it was agreed before he started that he would be exempt from homework and detentions for non behavioural issues (eg sports kit).
However, it hadn't occurred to me not to pack his bag every night and check his timetable for which kit(I tend to pack the whole pe kit too -indoor and outdoor) and I've put pens in every pocket of his bag because he will often say he hasn't got one if he's looked in the wrong bit.
I will encourage ds to pack his own bag eventually, but at the moment it's stressful enough getting him to school/ him adjusting to a new environment without expecting the impossible from him.

I hope things improve for him, I'm sorry his experiences with school have been so negative