to wonder if everyone elses children really did receive a perfect parents evening report (as posted on facebook)

[grumpalumpgrumped]

Parents evening season and my news feed is full of 'well done little johnny a perfect parents evening'. AIBU to wonder if I'm the only one to get a good but not perfect report for my DS?

Feeling a bit fed up and dare I say it a little disappointed (DS report was not bad at all just honest and I can see what they were saying is about right)

Not sure why it bothers me, just trying to gauge if I'm a terrible mother!

[ArbitraryUsername]

The problem is the school think they're applying the same rules to everyone so that's fair. But obviously it isn't really because he isn't doing it on purpose. That's what makes it so frustrating. They aren't doing it out of malice; it's just that they generally don't know what they're doing re: his SN and can't understand the harm they're doing.

He's on SA (should be SA+ because OT are involved too) but the school is like an impenetrable fortress. Luckily OT are great so she's going to help me with the school. The top of my list (and hers too) is getting them to recognise how hard he's trying. It's so disheartening for him to try really hard and make big improvements (for him) in organisation skills or subjects like art and then get reports from teachers with incredibly low grades for effort (because they don't understand that it takes him a long time to produce very little of low quality but that it represents enormous effort for him), organisation and presentation. I have spent years trying to get schools to understand that they should give grades based on him not in comparison to everyone else. That way they can recognise the enormous improvement that arriving at school with the stuff he needs in the morning is over what he was like at 11. And he could feel better about himself too. Instead they spend all the time telling him scenarios of doom that will occur if he doesn't get himself organised etc. very helpful.

I don't pack his bag because he's Y9 now and he does need to be doing it himself. Instead I do the 'are you sure you've got...', 'maybe you shoudl check if there's anything i need to sign' etc bit. He does tend to arrive at school with the necessary equipment but it all goes wrong from there onwards. Equipment just seems to flee from him in between classes. And he's totally oblivious to it. He can be wearing his polo shirt backwards and not notice until I tell him in the morning!

[HappyMummyOfOne]

Cant abide it after, its on a par with people who post "i love my snuggly wuggly DH so much"

Dont believe them all though, very easy to work out those who are lying etc.

[TheAngryCheeseCracker]

Haha at all the posters who say "my DC did very well, but why should I post about it on the internet !"

Ehm. .... You just have

!

[SirChenjin]

Anonymously.....

There's a huge difference between me as SirChenjin saying my DCs did really well when you have no idea who I am or who my DCs are, and me posting in RL to my friends on FB

[Sallystyle]

I was told that one of mine has to verbalise his every single thought (so very true) and he needs to more effort into his work.

The rest was perfect though

[3asAbird]

Had to chuckle at this.
so true even better when their kids go same school as yours so you tend to have better idea.

Freind at school thinks her is gifted and talented so much so she may have over boasted as met another mum at supermarket who talked about how smug she is and how nasty and socially inept her child is.

Ddd1 had parents evening other week but after 5 weeks with new teacher not really much she could say dd quite average struggles some areas but as long as shes trying and happy then im happy.

I think childs personality and kindness important as much as their academics.

But dident learn much other than her teacher hates gove and how hard the job is shes bit odd but people keep saying shes good.

People do the same end of term reports.

in year 1 we had awful report ok parents evening but i don;t brag about things thats not true may have said shes done really well to catch up.

Thankfully the parents within dds school are not slightest bit competative mostly in fb land.

I have 1 fb Friend met online she posted start of this term a photograph of text from childs teacher odd i never know teachers send personal text what lovely child and how well behaved joy to have in class last week she randomly posted im so ashamed hes been naughty all term cheered me up thought you made yourself look like an idiot.

Not to trump sports day-well done son you did so well, mum I come last,, does not matter mummy so proud of you.

The boasters tend to be lol the ones who like tesco, love their babies, overuse the word babe ad call their daughters their princesses just remind myself they clearly unhinged and move on. I have had to hide a few annoying peoople.

But when set yourself up publicly like that then greater chance of public failure ie he was so bright but failed 11+ad going to very well performing sports academy instead.

Also few years ago and think this is true.

reports tend to have generic stuff and they codes for what they really mean but said in more polite way.

Ie shes very spirited and joyful=handful.
very confident=bossy

im sure if they took step back and analysed maybe not as glowing as they thnk.

Statistically not the entire nation can be gifted and talented maybe just the mumsnetters kids.

People tend to make everything seem positive spin like they their own pr and fb way to edit perfect life.

I still remember hell of senior parents evening year 7 god my parents were mad shouted at me and most years dad end up late they would row ad it would be strained and mum would fall pout with least one of my teachers

[CloverkissSparklecheeks]

Exactly SirChenjin - what a silly thing to say about posting on an anonymous forum (the only place you can actually talk about stuff you can't in RL).

I would never discuss initimate/personal details about my relationship on FB but I may on here!!!

There is no harm in being proud of our DCs, I often post silly things about stuff they have achieved ie my son's headteachers award for 'excellent jumping', I also do put sporting achievements on there as my family like to hear how the DCs are getting on.

Rightly or wrongly I would not put academic stuff up there as some people are not particularly nice about stuff like that, they are usually the people that come across as jealous and also would post stuff like that about their own DCs but don't like it the other way round!

[Fakebook]

We had parents evening last night and I got a phone call from the fb mum who posted about her dd last term exceeding at everything. She's apparently pissed off because the teacher isn't telling her if her dd is in "top set" for phonics and why she isn't because she's reading harder books than my DD. . This is a year 1 child. Dd is in the harder level group and is above average atm, which is funny because I didn't read one book with her during the summer...If this is what parents evening does to parents every year, I think I'll enjoy it for the next 16 years of my life!!

[CloverkissSparklecheeks]

oh Fakebook that is so embarassing for her, people will think she's mad. My friend lied about the reading level her DS was on which is dreadful but part of me thinks she actually believes what she says, maybe this other mum is the same.

I think we all want our DCs to do well but sometimes they will not be at the top of the class, I have 2 very different DSs but am equally proud of them, it is sad that people feel the need to lie about their child's achievements or push for them to be 'top set'.

[CloverkissSparklecheeks]

Same here precious, my usual line is oh he loves it and always nice to hear they have settled well!

[SirChenjin]

I had a friend once (notice past tense...) who was convinced her DD was gifted but the school just wouldn't recognise her talents and academic prowess. The school were perfectly capable of recognising prowess, and had moved a couple of the brighter kids into classes of older children for maths and literacy lessons. I put up with her moaning for so long and then had to tell (tactfully, natch!) her about those children - she was furious

Fortunately she moved her DD onto a private school not long after where she could shine

[frumpet]

I detest 'proud mummy ' posts on facebook , boastful and boring and quite from the land of the seriously deluded . If my child does something spectacular i tend to tell THEM that i am proud of them , not a bunch of randoms on the internet

[frumpet]

Actually thats not totally fair , if a child has achieved something special for them, then i dont mind seeing that , but its the constant stream of utter rubbish that galls me

[CloverkissSparklecheeks]

The latest thing has been people posting photos of those 'young writers anthology' certificates for talented writers - errrr - everyone who enters wins a place in the published book!!

[Hayleyh34]

I'd never really bother to think of it as boasting, it's just proud parents.

Mind you I do disagree with those that have said it's always positive feedback. After 3 parents evenings with DD I can confirm that has not been the case with us

[pinkballetflats]

It doesn't bother me: occasionally I'll roll my eyes a little but reality is merely perception (as some posts on this thread attest to) and if they're happy, good for them.

[mumaa]

Its just online boasting, ignore it! Its like that advert with a 'real self' and a 'digital self' the digital self being far more interesting and amazing than your actual self... people like to create an image on these websites, most of the stuff on them is fluffed up or complete rubbish, ignore it

[CloverkissSparklecheeks]

Proud parents are fine, I love to hear my friends DCs are doing well but its the lying about what they are achieving that is ridiulous.

In a different world I would be happy to share my DSs achievements as I am proud of him but if you genuinely have a 'bright' child it is considered boasting - it is however apparently ok to lie about your childs achievements

[scattercushion]

Gore Vidal spoke the truth: 'When a friend succeeds, something inside me dies' - he would've hated Facebook!

[BruthasTortoise]

I don't post about my kids reports, good, bad or other . I'm wondering though if all those who don't post about their kids' academics do post about their other achievements i.e. sports day, extra curricular activities, etc?

[Arisbottle]

I have no issue with my friends sharing that they are proud of their children , surely that is part of being a friend.

FWIW dd2 had a less than glowing parent's evening .

[CloverkissSparklecheeks]

I do share sporting/other achievements on FB but for some reason that seems ok. Neither of them are exceptional at sport so it doesn't feel weird to do so and other people seem to react in a lovely way to it. I did once at the start of my DS1s schooling put something on FB which did not go down well - I was very naive!