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AIBU?

to wonder if everyone elses children really did receive a perfect parents evening report (as posted on facebook)

138 replies

grumpalumpgrumped · 15/10/2013 21:58

Parents evening season and my news feed is full of 'well done little johnny a perfect parents evening'. AIBU to wonder if I'm the only one to get a good but not perfect report for my DS?

Feeling a bit fed up and dare I say it a little disappointed (DS report was not bad at all just honest and I can see what they were saying is about right)

Not sure why it bothers me, just trying to gauge if I'm a terrible mother!

OP posts:

Report

FortyDoorsToNowhere · 15/10/2013 22:25

Teacher that is

grumpalumpgrumped · 15/10/2013 22:25

coconutcake totally get that.

OP posts:

thehorridestmumintheworld · 15/10/2013 22:26

I enjoyed dds parents evening so much more this time as she was allowed in and the teacher included her in the discussion, asked how she is finding things etc it made it all seem more friendly and less performance based. When you have all these pushy parents it is so easy to lose sight of what is right for your child.

grumpalumpgrumped · 15/10/2013 22:29

merylstrop those who like Tesco.

OP posts:

flyingspaghettimonster · 15/10/2013 22:44

Not perfect here. daughter is apparently super smart, but lazy and careless. middle child is the same, but lazier. Poor 4 year old can only recognise 5 letters because his mother is a lazy cow who decided not to teach him to read so he wouldn't get bored in school like the other two did.
honestly I think we should get an award for the number of days we actually got all three kids into their different schools wearing semi matching clothes and almost on time. did not receive best parent award

ArbitraryUsername · 15/10/2013 22:46

I dread parents' evenings. They're always hideous and involve me getting frustrated at being outright lied to (or it may just be that the teachers don't know they're talking shite, but that's equally frustrating as people might think they know what they're talking about).

I think I might have been very unlucky with DS1's teachers though, as none of them have known their arse from their elbow re:SN but they've all insisted on talking utter shite about it anyway. Including a memorable occassion where a teacher tried to tell me a load of rubbish about things that do fall exactly within my professional area of expertise and then refused to believe that she may be talking rubbish (apparently having once been to a university means that she is an expert on how universities support students with disabilities). Another memorable occassion had a teacher telling me about an apparently inflexible policy at the high school DS would be going to that would flagrantly be in breech of the equalities act. She had no idea what the equalities act is, of course, nor that putting a child into isolation because of something they can't help that is directly caused by a disability might be a problematic idea (and not a behaviour issue, a really petty issue of organisation skills).

The most memorable ones were where I had to go on to make a formal complaint because a teacher was humiliating him in front of the whole class on purpose because of his SN and where the teacher spent the whole time telling me how awful and disruptive DS1 was and then it turned out that he was being horribly bullied and the teachers were punishing him for it and rewarding the bullies.

So, no, I don't post on FB about 'perfect' reports.

TwoAndTwoEqualsChaos · 15/10/2013 22:55

Meryl

Doubletroublemummy2 · 15/10/2013 23:00

I always believed school reports and pay cheques fall under the same need to know / eyes only policy

Donkeyok · 15/10/2013 23:03

I agree with the positive spin on the language. It gets so you cant say little ds would do better if he put down the chair and stopped trying to pick fights throughout the lesson, to should aim to increase focus.

swannylovesu · 15/10/2013 23:03

i did with ds2 working to a much higher level than his peers, pleasure to teach and head of the school council.

DS1 however.....scraping by, disruptive and thinks he knows it all...hmmmmmmmmmm

usualsuspect · 15/10/2013 23:03

You miserable load of sods.

defineme · 15/10/2013 23:07

Well dd needs to pay attention and stop distracting others and ds needs to stop being such a big show off know it all and telling the teacher stuff is too easy. They're both progressing well though...
I've never posted about my kids on facebook and don't intend to start after tonight

BurningBridges · 15/10/2013 23:10

Now then, I'm glad this has come up again because I am totally confused about the etiquette for Facebook boasting, for I presume that it is boasting. I have a couple of friends who do this - one because she never understood that in our school the teachers don't like to say anything unpleasant because they just like to be nice, so she then posts "Mummy is so proud of her little Princess for a super dooper report" or scanning in her "star of the week" card "Mummy's little Princess Star". Various friends and relatives then add comments like "Hun she is a real Princess", "WOW!! WELL DONE!!" and so on.

Another puts down every single achievement "Well Done to Maisie for Coming First in Girl's Football - that's my girl, always likes to come first" or "Very proud of how my Maisie performed at the concert tonight - wow she's going to be a rock star", and again, everyone joins in "God she's so fab". Although to be fair she does list her own achievements on Facebook as well, and believe me, they are many.

About 2 years ago my DD won a school prize and it was awarded by a local sportsman, various pictures were available etc, so I posted these without comment other than "Mini BB won a prize for x and here she is with Local Sportsman". No one commented. Couple of good friends and family pressed "like".

But really, was what I did any "better" than Princess Mum and Maisie Mum?

MoaningMingeWhingesAgain · 15/10/2013 23:10

I don't put that stuff on FB. Knowing my DCs, super-compliant DD will get a really good report and DS in reception...if he does, it will be a lie because he is gorgeous and bright but a right little sod

He gets exceeding the expectations for: Ignoring requests, getting playdo in the treads of his shoes, being cute, and for 98% coverage of his jumper with his lunchtime yoghurt.

Meeting expectation for: turning up every day unless actually losing bodily fluids/secretions in ways he shouldn't be.

Working towards the levels for: sitting still for 10 seconds, wiping bottom properly, coming home with all his belongings.

ringaringarosy · 15/10/2013 23:14

Parents on my fb do this too,my son had a perfect parents evening last year too,only reception though so how bad can it be!?

My mum used to make such a big deal about parents evening,telling me it had better be good or id be in trouble(it was always bed i was naughty at school,it was boring so i found my own things to do)so i would spend the evening worrying about how much trouble i would be in when she got back,and i was always in trouble when she got back.

My ds doesnt even know what parents evenings are,i didnt even mention it to him!

defineme · 15/10/2013 23:14

I'm honestly not a miserable sod usualsuspect - I actually cried after my first parents evening for my twins:I hadn't realised that I was braced for the usual litany of failure that I heard at ds1's parents evening because of his sn. It made my heart sing to hear 'progressing well' and 'very able' because it means they're not finding school an almost impossible struggle. However, I celebrated that small personal thing with dh and dm, I wouldn't tell anyone else because I can't see why they'd need to know.

ringaringarosy · 15/10/2013 23:15

The impression i get from the teachers at my sons school is that if there was anything bad to say it would be said in the nicest way possible,maybe it changes as they get older but its definitely changed since i was little.

usualsuspect · 15/10/2013 23:16

Well you won't be able to keep it from him for much longer.

usualsuspect · 15/10/2013 23:19

I'm happy for parents to be proud of their kids on FB.

I don't think they are insecure or liars.

But then I like the people on my FB.I really don't understand why you have people on FB you clearly don't like.

ringaringarosy · 15/10/2013 23:22

im not keeping it from him i just dont mention it,its not a big deal!If there was something drastically wrong like he was really struggling emotionally or something,but then i wouldnt need to go to a parents evening to find that out seeing as i live with him.

breatheslowly · 15/10/2013 23:22

Teachers do put a positive spin on - they are pretty much told to. You have to be able to translate teacher speak to actually know what is going on. In addition they are often instructed to put in positives as well as negatives. That might be in a secondary subject report where the teacher writes blurb about what has been covered, one achievement and one action to improve. So the to students and the bottom students each actually seem to get as many positive and negative points in their report.

So you have parents who don't hear the middle of the shit sandwich or don't understand the nuances in what the teacher is saying. It might be fairly obvious to some, but things like:

"A very lively member of the class" - might mean "can't stay still, calls out and distracts others".

"Has produced some good work this term" - might mean "has completed one piece of work well this term".

Hopefully teacher are being as honest and frank as possible, but the combination of teacher speak and selective hearing is going to produce some very proud parents. Or the teacher might just be talking about the wrong child which I only did once, but very enthusiastically for 10 min.

usualsuspect · 15/10/2013 23:25

Haha,DS was 'lively' and 'enthusiastic in class discussions'

Or a pita with a big mouth

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Tanith · 15/10/2013 23:29

Mine has been a little angel , but it's her very first one ever, she's 4 and she's only been there a month.

She hasn't had time to do anything yet...

FortyDoorsToNowhere · 15/10/2013 23:30

I get where Usualsuspect is coming from.

A perfect parents evening is what the parent view of perfect it.

I would be over the moon when dd parents evening comes up and shows no problems, as my experience so far is fighting for any scrap of support and dreading school pick ups.

Ludoole · 16/10/2013 00:18

Im guilty of putting stuff on facebook (shoot me now!), although i only have family and very close friends on my friends list.
Ds1 always has a brilliant report regarding grades. He does have confidence issues though so i praise him up more for speaking in class.
Ds2 struggles with literacy and numeracy but is always commended on how hard he tries.

Im proud of the personal achievements they both make, so why shouldn't i share that with those closest to me?

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