Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

to have kicked off at another mother for confirming her child's fear of dogs!

364 replies

MrJugsMummy · 15/10/2013 17:12

Just taken my DS and our 1 year old springer spaniel for a walk in our local park. He was running off his lead as he always does and a toddler walked around the corner without her mother. Our spaniel is quite a caring dog and loves children and often tends to mother them somewhat (he worried himself senseless when my DS was ill last week slept on the sofa next to him and woke every time he so much as sniffed!) so he went up to the child the child screamed I called Brian away and said to the little girl "it's fine he won't hurt you he just wants to say hi", the kids mother then decided to make an appearance and pick up the child and had a go at me saying that I shouldn't let my dog off of his lead! She then turned to the child and said "Did he bite you?" to watch the child now upping the screaming and crying actually said "No" she then turned to me and said my dog was a menace and shouldn't be allowed near children!

I snapped at this point and said "My dog was concerned about the fact your child was seemingly by itself in a park, he simply went up to her to check she was ok, he didn't even jump up at her let alone bite her" she then started saying again that he shouldn't be off his lead!
I really got riled up then and shouted "My 5 year old son is here right next to me, I would have no qualms about leaving him alone in a room with my dog as he is well trained and good tempered and adores him, if I had any doubts about his behaviour I would not have him as a family pet and if I had any concerns about his behaviour around children do you seriously I would let him off his lead in a park after school with loads of children around!" I then stormed off and muttered that she was a stupid bitch!

I get so annoyed at parents who do this if your child doesn't like dogs don't take them to places where dogs are, I get that all children are scared of things but why confirm the fear?! If my DS ever shows fear about something I either reassure him that nothing will hurt him or tell him how to avoid being hurt.

Grr rant over

OP posts:
WitchOfEndor · 15/10/2013 18:05

I walk my dog off lead in our park but if I see someone we don't know I call him to me and put him on the lead. I wouldnt let him off the lead if he had ever refused to come back when called, just in case. However soft and friendly he is, if they don't know him they don't know that so they might be frightened.

I don't agree with others passing fear of dogs on though. My nephew recently started saying he hated big dogs, despite always liking dogs, asking owners if he can at them and never having a bad experience with one. On asking he had heard an adult talk about hating big dogs and decided he did too!

Sorry OP, if there was a chance that your dog ran up and scared that child then you should have apologised.

RussiansOnTheSpree · 15/10/2013 18:05

YAVVVVFU Your dog might want to be friends with a small child. SHE clearly did not want to be friends with IT. The woman was right - your dog should NOT be allowed off the lead if it is going to approach other people.

mrsWast · 15/10/2013 18:06

you shouldn't anthropomorphise animals - they don't like it.

SoupDragon · 15/10/2013 18:06

Have none of you ever watched Lassie? Is it because its a springer spaniel and not a collie?

Well, apart from the fact that Lassie is a TV dog, yes. Spaniels are simply not that bright. My cocker does have flashes of absolute brilliance but he has the attention of a goldfish and the restraint of a toddler drinking Red Bull.

NotYoMomma · 15/10/2013 18:07

my husband has a scar for life when a dog off a lead approached him as a child and bit him.

the owner then just picked up the dog and ran away

I dont give a shiny shit if your dog is the nicest dog ever to grace the earth (yeah right they all say that)

it was your choice to have the dog, don't inflict it on other people (who may have allergies or phobias)

selfish

Playdoughcaterpillar · 15/10/2013 18:07

Rubysmummy children do not only learn a fear of dogs from parents but also I think from this sort of experience. I am not at all scared of dogs and make a point of being really relaxed around them with my kids but since my DD got knocked over by one in the park, she is really scared. We are gradually building it back up again but I don't think it's fair to say only parents cause this. Although in this case the mum didn't really help matters I agree. But this experience would scare my DD all over again.

20wkbaby · 15/10/2013 18:10

The bit that annoys me is the suggestion that people (in this case children) shouldn't be allowed to enjoy the park because they have a fear of dogs.

My DD is a little frightened of dogs and I hate the mess a lot of owners allow them to leave behind but I have never once thought that we should be the ones to change our behaviour because someone else wants to keep a pet.

NotYoMomma · 15/10/2013 18:13

some people also just develop their own phobias and don't need a trigger. ive got a sever needle phobia and know no one else even remotely afraid.

Its not always learned.

a phobia by definition is irrational

MyPrettyToes · 15/10/2013 18:14

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

WeAllHaveWings · 15/10/2013 18:14

Just to set the record straight it was a joke.

Obviously a very bad one! Grin

Although Beethoven (the St Bernard) would have cared about that little girls being all alone. Or are you going to tell me he's not real either?

Should we blame the movies for anthropomorphising animals?

(sorry just looked it up on Google and wanted to be the third person to use it in this thread)

Owllady · 15/10/2013 18:15

I have dogs
I have children
I tend to think it's sensible to put a dog on a lead in public places for it's own safety really. No-one can really criticise you for having a dog on a lead. They can criticise you for having children on one, but that's a different thread

Weeantwee · 15/10/2013 18:17

I think you were a bit harsh with the other mum if I'm honest. Your dog may be friendly but if this child isn't that familiar with dogs in general then it's understandable that they were scared, regardless of your dog's behaviour.

I speak as someone who had a cocker spaniel growing up but the only children she came into contact with were me and my brother (we were 6 and 11 when we got her) As she grew older she was not good with children, especially the young squealing type so she was always on the lead. She was wonderful with the elderly though, very gentle Smile Quite often, parents would let their very young children run up to her and when she would react, bark her head off, bare her teeth, parents would have a go at us for having an aggressive animal. Because she looked cute and fluffy they assumed she was child friendly. It's as much the responsibility of the parent of the child as it is the dog owners to make sure everyone stays safe.

mrsjay · 15/10/2013 18:17

I actually think the mother over reacted picking the child up was very ott and probably caused the toddler to panic some more I never understand why people do that, however I think you should have apologised said the dog didn.t touch her and walked away really if your dog can't stay beside you when it is walking in a public place then it should be on its lead however concerned you think the dog is, fwiw I don't think it was concerned a child was on its own it was just being nosey, keep your dog with you it really shouldn't be going up to random children

MerylStrop · 15/10/2013 18:19

"My dog was concerned about the fact your child was seemingly by itself in a park, he simply went up to her to check she was ok"...to the child's mother not only has your dog scared her kid but apparently its owner is delusional. Then you kick off. Wildly unreasonable.

Unfortunately all the lovely responsible owners of delightful obedient loving dogs are now tarred with the same brush as the people who own pit bulls and set them on innocent bystanders. It's a shame, but you should direct your ire, OP, at those people instead.

Dogs should be trained not to approach small children. End of
Or is this a reverse AIBU?

Alisvolatpropiis · 15/10/2013 18:19

Weall - gotcha Wink

vichill · 15/10/2013 18:19

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

SilverApples · 15/10/2013 18:20

This is why we need stun batons like in 'Demolition Man'
Dog gets within 3' ...SHAZAAM!

Or compulsory leads and muzzles in public for dogs.

mrsjay · 15/10/2013 18:20

can you imagine a little kid toddilint along and this fluffy thing comes bounding up to it the dog is face height of a toddler really I can imagine why the toddler was scared

HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 15/10/2013 18:21

PMSL at a dog named Brian. Brian the caring canine. Good lord.

YouTheCat · 15/10/2013 18:24

SilverApples, that is a great idea.

Love that film. Grin

zeeboo · 15/10/2013 18:24

Brian, he's not the messiah, he's a very naughty boy!

Points · 15/10/2013 18:24

Rubysmommy-how the hell do you know what fear a child is born with?!
My dd has never had a bad experience with a dog,ironically her favourite toy is a dog,she loves dog stories,pictures etc but actual real life dogs she has a fear of.
She has never been exposed to anything negative,scary or upsetting with dogs,but she has a natural cautious instinct and a fear of dogs approaching her.
We are very aware of this and encourage her to speak to friendly dogs we may see if we are out,for example we saw a lovely poodle sat with it's owner,we got talking and my dp talked and stroked it,our son spoke to it and with dp stroked it dd just said 'no Thankyou I want to leave now please I don't want to be near it'
I'm trying to be positive about it,but I also know how much rats scare me and if my parents tried to continuously get me to stroke one or if one ran up to me I would be scared(I realise it's not the same but ykwim?!)
I really didn't have an opinion on thus prechildren but my dd needs and her fucking wellbeing are way more important than your 'right' to walk your dog off a lead anywhere you want without considering others.
And I say that as a huge dog lover!

ExitPursuedByABear · 15/10/2013 18:25

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

Beastofburden · 15/10/2013 18:25

The dog isn't under control if it is running up to small kids. You are being ridiculous.

My Dc were playing in shallow sea once and a big dog came running up, they were so shocked they fell over and swallowed a lot of water. He "didn't touch them" either.

That owner wasn't even watching her dog arrogant bitch

Scrounger · 15/10/2013 18:26

zeeboo

Halloween Grin

Love this thread, hope it isn't deleted