to have kicked off at another mother for confirming her child's fear of dogs!

[MrJugsMummy]

Just taken my DS and our 1 year old springer spaniel for a walk in our local park. He was running off his lead as he always does and a toddler walked around the corner without her mother. Our spaniel is quite a caring dog and loves children and often tends to mother them somewhat (he worried himself senseless when my DS was ill last week slept on the sofa next to him and woke every time he so much as sniffed!) so he went up to the child the child screamed I called Brian away and said to the little girl "it's fine he won't hurt you he just wants to say hi", the kids mother then decided to make an appearance and pick up the child and had a go at me saying that I shouldn't let my dog off of his lead! She then turned to the child and said "Did he bite you?" to watch the child now upping the screaming and crying actually said "No" she then turned to me and said my dog was a menace and shouldn't be allowed near children!

I snapped at this point and said "My dog was concerned about the fact your child was seemingly by itself in a park, he simply went up to her to check she was ok, he didn't even jump up at her let alone bite her" she then started saying again that he shouldn't be off his lead!
I really got riled up then and shouted "My 5 year old son is here right next to me, I would have no qualms about leaving him alone in a room with my dog as he is well trained and good tempered and adores him, if I had any doubts about his behaviour I would not have him as a family pet and if I had any concerns about his behaviour around children do you seriously I would let him off his lead in a park after school with loads of children around!" I then stormed off and muttered that she was a stupid bitch!

I get so annoyed at parents who do this if your child doesn't like dogs don't take them to places where dogs are, I get that all children are scared of things but why confirm the fear?! If my DS ever shows fear about something I either reassure him that nothing will hurt him or tell him how to avoid being hurt.

Grr rant over

Dog in public park .... On lead . Or at heel with owner . In open space with no other animals / children then off lead. If you saw he was going to sniff say hi to the child you should have called him back.
I love dogs but understand the parent.. Dd2 at toddler age was knocked over by a big friendly dog who then stood over her and licked her - all in a matter of seconds . She is still at almost 5 terrified despite us doing pretty much everything to help her. Something like this happening despite your dog being 100% friendly would have only hindered her again. i have no qualms about asking a dog owner if we can make friends I would expect a dog owner to do the same.

Sorry but if I was to not take my children to places where there are dogs, we wouldn't go to any open green spaces. Parks, green places, play parks have become latrines for dogs running freely. What next? Are we to have our children on leads so that your dogs can run free?

I am a childminder and in my risk assessments I have a page about dogs. I have had toddlers who have been knocked down by large dogs, picnic food taken from their hands, picnic plates licked by dogs, icecreams cones taken by dogs from their little hands, dogs running after the children, dogs taking balls we are playing with and footballs (and ruining them with their teeth), barking at the children, running at speed towards the children so that they are scared and start crying. Once I was there with three children aged between 3 and 6 years old and we were on the side of pond, feeding the ducks, and this medium size dog ran towards us at speed, knocking one of the children over and she nearly fell in the pond. What did the owner said? 'Sorry' and walked off. I was LIVID.

I love to spend time with my looked-after children out in our local parks and forests, but do you want to know what the main risk is? That they fall down and hurt their knees? That they run away? No, it's that they are bitten by a dog. So there. You are so so so being unreasonable.

you don't catch a phobia. you may developea wariness but that will go in time

my mum is terrified and has a dog phobia (won't go in peoples homes, crosses street etc) and iwas wary as a child.

font have a phobia of dogs now but do get pissed off with owners having no regards for others (its not just phobias, I have allergies too!)

I have developed my very own non dog related phobia all on my own and my mother is perplexed where igot it from shrug

sorry but if you have a screaming toddler who is upset and afraid you DO pick them up to give them comfort and calm them down if needed. it's not reinforcing a fear, it is letting them know you are there shpuld they be distressed.

humans > dogs

*TheoriginalSteamingNit"- very funny!

I am sure Brain is halfway through his NVQ in childcare as we speak.

I did chuckle at Brian the wonderdog working at Haringey :/

I am a terrible person

My dog is always on lead and if children want to approach him I am there to supervise the interactions. If they approach without asking me I remind them that they need to ask first, and if they do ask I say well done for asking. Sometimes there are kids who are obviously wary but will stand at a distance and look. My dog is very calm.

It does annoy me if parents reinforce fear, yes, but owners allowing dogs to run up to people or other dogs on lead is irresponsible.

I am not worried about the OP: I am sure that if she is upset by the thread, Brian is offering some choice words of wisdom, or showing his concern by bounding up to her and woofing repeatedly

I am worried about the OP. She posted on here in tears on Monday after having started her period, 4 days late, following 2 years of trying to conceive. She says that her and her DH had spent the evening crying.

The next day she walks her dog and has a bad experience. She then had a woman "had a go at me saying that I shouldn't let my dog off of his lead" in a park where dogs are allowed off leads. She reacted rudely to the woman being rude to her.

She then posted the altercation on MN and had posters call her an idiot, rude, completely unreasonable, irresponsible, a loon, off her rocker, mental, weird, strange and ridiculous amongst other things.

She hasn't posted since 1719 on Tuesday and people have continued to kick her whilst she is down and take the piss out of her.

I am worried about the OP, very worried.

Agree 100% with Noodles. I get that some people have a fear of dogs, whether as a result of being bitten etc as a child or having witnessed a phobia from their parents (who IMHO should not pass this fear onto their children but try and keep a lid on it). I don't think it's fair that a well behaved dog should be kept leashed though. I was brought up with dogs and my DS loves them. I won't let him approach or be approached by any unleashed dog unless I have acknowledgement from their owner that it is ok. Then I encourage him to be gentle, hold his hand out to be sniffed etc.

However, the OP was being unreasonable. Her dog should not have gone up to the child. Seeing what he was doing, OP should have called him to heel immediately. If he is not well trained enough to stay by her side, he should not be off the lead, or at the very least should be kept leashed until in an area where no children could be seen.

Also don't like the judgement of other parent. The child was not alone without her mother, she was in front and clearly the mother was right behind. Saying what she did about the spaniel seeing the child was alone (really?) was unnecessary. The mother could have/should have calmed the child down without assuming the worst, but was still within her rights to be angry, especially as OP didn't apologise.

I love dogs, and hope to have a dog again the future. I also have a toddler who loves anything on four legs. I am trying to teach him sensible caution around strange dogs, so there is quite simply no point in dog owners saying 'Oh, he's friendly!' and implying I am being fussy or over-protective in holding my toddler back from strange dogs.

Firstly, I will be the judge of your dog's behaviour around children; secondly, what I am doing is training my child in appropriate caution, it doesn't necessarily have anything to do with your dog. Every dog owner I have ever met tells me their dog is a paragon; unfortunately, they are not necessarily an unbiased source of information!

Is there a rule then, that we have to look up all the OPs previous threads before we post, in case we upset them?!

I've no doubt she's feeling a bit low on the back of what her other threads are regarding. But if you're going to post on a public Internet forum, you're kind of leaving yourself wide open. It's the nature of the beast, no?!

How much does your dog charge for babysitting?

My DD is terrfied of strange dogs, in spite of the fact that we have one of our own. She would scream if a strange dog came towards her and I would be angry about it too. She is not going to get over her fear that way. I am her parent, not some randon dog owner. I get to help her with this, not you.

I HATE it when dog owners call out 'Its ok - he is really friendly - he is just saying hello!' whenever their dog runs up to me or anyone else!

If you are afraid of dogs that is NO reassurance!
No wonder dog owners get a bad name.
I would like to walk in the park without having dogs bounding up to me.

A stranger does not know your dog is 'safe' and why should they believe a besotted owner that it is?!

Is there a rule then, that we have to look up all the OPs previous threads before we post, in case we upset them

It's entirely up to you what you do phantomhairpuller.

I choose not to join in berating an OP who has already had 50 YABU retorts. My YABU isn't going to add anything, so why would I need to join in?

I also choose to check an OPs posting history when their post is generating lots of replies that break or skirt the talk guidlines - to see if they are generally a robust poster who is unlikely to be upset, or someone like this OP.

Finally, after all the upset in Sept about 'bullying', 'derailing', ganging up and piling-on, during which I was unnerved by all the negative posts about MN and MNHQ, I have chosen to be a more considerate poster, and actually try to understand why an OP may have posted what they did.

It's my choice, and you don't need to do the same of course, but you don't need to be sarcastic about it either. I am genuinely concerned by posters like the OP, and a little kindness goes a long way.

I agree Lteve

I am hoping the OP has hid the thread a while ago and isn't subjected to seeing such nasty posts directed at her.

Doubt she's still here by now anyway.

Hello

Thanks for the reports about this thread.

As we say at the top, AIBU isn't a fight club. We still need posters to remember the Talk Guidelines and not dish out personal attacks please - not matter how U you think someone was being.

Thanks.

I usually consider it bad form to look up an ops past threads tbh so would never look up their past posting

TBH, I would consider it worse form to make a personal attack on an OP NotYoMomma.

My dd is scared of dogs, although getting better slowly, and I hate it when dog owners say 'don't worry, she's fine.' I feel like saying 'but dd is NOT fine! I appreciate your dog is lovely in your eyes but to dd it is a massive, strange, bouncy, hairy creature with a swishy tail at head height and loads of teeth! Please ask if it is ok to let it closer!'

I'm sorry but YABU and episodes like this haven't helped dd's confidence with dogs at all.

I am a dog lover and grew up with dogs and my mum never let the dogs further than at heel when other children were about.

most of my posts have been to other posters actually

particularly in regards to the bullshit people post about phobias when they obviously dont have any phobias themselves

Maybe the OP shouldn't say such daft things like 'I get so annoyed at parents who do this if your child doesn't like dogs don't take them to places where dogs are'?

I think people would have been generally more sympathetic if she hadn't said that and made out like her dog is worthy or the Noble Peace prize.

Kindness does go a long way, and if op had started with..this has just happened, I'm all over the place because.... of course there would have been more sympathy,I never check ops previous posts, but if she's a long term mner she will know all about AIBUand dog v kid threads.

YABVU ~ I am scared of dogs due to been bitten when young and hate if a random dog runs up to me. Because I am grown up I feel it would be inappropriate to stand and scream but that's what I feel like doing ~ it must be 100% more scary for a little one.

Likewise, I wouldn't let my DC randomly run up to strangers.

Just be more respectful of others in future.......

There is a big difference between posting YABU with an explanation why, and posting "You are horrible" "You are insane" and so on. I also don't see the need to simply reiterate what many other posters have said - OK, if you have another angle, another reason or rule to feeling the way you did then it makes sense, but if all you are going to do is say "YABVVVVVVVU and a complete asshole" then what is the point?

Look at how many deletions there have been, look how many posts there have been compared to the OPs 2 posts. This thread became really nasty really quickly, and is a perfect example of the threads that other posters filled 3 whole threads complaining about (bad english there, but I'm sure you get my jist). MN gets a horrible rep in the media for being bullying and all the good that it does; Mile for Maud, Anthony Nolan sign ups, Xmas Gift Giving, Wooly Hugs etc is negated by that.

We cannot assume that an OP knows what AIBU is like. I've been here 9 years or so and usually avoid AIBU like the plague, because I think it's an absolute shithole of a place. This OP had only just joined MN and I would think has been scared away - which is a horrible shame for someone that actually sounds like she needs MN.

I would love to know how I am supposed to "keep a lid" on my dog phobia and not expose my children to it.

I cant be around dogs at all. I have a bad allergy but am also shit scared of them, I wont go to places where I know dogs may be for fear of encountering them and that includes houses where the dog is put out of my way. I turned down a very good job when we really needed the money because of a dog on the premises. How is someone like that supposed to teach their child how to behave around dogs? I tell the kids not to approach them, I tell them that if they want to stroke a leashed dog then they must ask the owner but I cant physically show them.

A phobia is a horrible crippling thing, you cant just keep a lid on it and pretend you know!

OK, I now think that LtEve is right, and though I think lots of people later on have been reacting to a very particular situation and can't resist the temptation, rather than actually thinking bad of the OP, we (me! I am guilty as charged) should stop now.

OP - don't be too discouraged, MN is a robust place, entering the AIBU arena is kind of throwing yourself in at the deep end.

Sorry.

I hope things are improving for you.