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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be bothered about this comment?

96 replies

Ilovemydogandmydoglovesme · 15/10/2013 17:05

I shared the Mumsnet post on fb about how being a mum is a full time job. It was a picture of a CV detailing all the stuff a mum does unpaid. I thought it was a bit of harmless tongue-in-cheek humour.

A lady of my aquaintance, whom I previously thought was a nice educated lady, has made the comment 'why not get a proper job?'

AIBU to feel a bit pissed off with that attitude? I don't know why it bothers me so much. First world problem and all that but fuck I feel riled.

OP posts:

Rufus44 · 16/10/2013 17:32

Ooh fed off topic but I love your name! And the film!

Famzilla · 16/10/2013 17:37

Oh I don't like those posts. Probably wouldn't be as bold as to put a reply like that but I would think it. I'm a real nurse AND a full time mum. I work nights and weekends. Do I get a witty blurb of some sort?

Rewindtimeplease · 16/10/2013 17:47

All this 'being a SAHM' is a lifestyle choice is nonsense. It was a financial choice in our case, pure and simple.

I worked in London on a good salary, but when we factored in full time Central London nursery fees (£78 a day), plus my train and tube travel, plus the fact that no nursery was actually open the hours I worked.... It just didn't make financial sense. I would be bringing home about £90 a month!

Having said all that, I bloody love being a SAHM. Then again, I loved my job too.

flipchart · 16/10/2013 17:49

All this 'being a SAHM' is a lifestyle choice is nonsense. It was a financial choice in our case, pure and simple.

That's why I said 'do what you want, it doesn't affect anyone outside your family!

Rewindtimeplease · 16/10/2013 17:55

Flip chart, it was actually aimed specifically at someone upthread.

RawShark · 17/10/2013 13:00

The post refers to "Full Time Mums", which we all are (if we have kids) all day, even if we go out to work. Not "Stay at Home Mums". Think people are getting a bit sensitive about the choices they feel they have had to make on this thread! And , if we were that bothered about dads not being referenced then this would be called "parentsnet" wouldn't it? Haven't seen any threads calling for THAT.

Re the original post - she probably meant it in a lighthearted way as in "get another job, but you can't!", esp as she has never worked. Not worth any thought IMO .

It raised a smile with me and is not as cringey as the "all teachers are amazing" one where I usually remain silent rather than posting my gut reaction

RawShark · 17/10/2013 13:02

what I mean is - I work 4 days a week but smiled a bit at the knowledge that my other 3 days are quite like that

TantrumsAndBalloons · 17/10/2013 13:17

I don't get these types of "full time mum I do x, y, z all day long aren't I marvelous" things that people do tbh.

Does anyone actually care? It's just part and parcel of life isn't it?

I doubt anyone would want to read the ins and outs of my day at work and tbh I wouldn't post it.

People do lots of stuff. Some parents stay at home, and do more of the day to day stuff, some of us go to work and then come home and do the rest.

It's not paticularly interesting either way is it?

pianodoodle · 17/10/2013 13:21

I always just assumed ft mum meant the same as sahm in that they look after the child on a full time basis?

Before I came on mumsnet I wouldn't have thought to get so het up about it

KellyElly · 17/10/2013 13:36

Those kind of posts on FB make me want to projectile vomit tbh. I always feel like leaving a sarky response (but I restrain myself from the sarcasm and vomiting and just hide the post and make do with a bit of eye rolling instead).

edging · 17/10/2013 13:39

I think there is a lot of defensive posting going on here.

It is obvious that the FB post is not implying that some parents are not full time parents if they work. It is just pointing out that despite the widespread belief of the opposite, SAHP's do a lot of work too.

I don't like these sorts of things on FB either, but i don't lambast others for posting them because i read in between the lines enough to see what they are actually trying to say. In this case it is obviously light hearted and not deserving of nasty comments. It really isn't that serious.

Hunfriend · 17/10/2013 22:38

It seems like a generic "what Mums do"
That we are all martyrs - never getting a hot cup of tea/meal or lie in.
Comparing it to a job role( crap one) when in reality we are mostly bloody good at it.
I drink hot drinks, eat meals in peace and get up when I feel like it ( days off) because I have teenagers .
Sometimes they do the cooking and clear up .
Nooooo- I am a failure as a martyr Mother.

Mummyoftheyear · 17/10/2013 22:40

Rude! I'd have been quite taken aback. She'd be shifted to 'acquaintance ' on my Friends status.
Perhaps she works and is jealous?

ImperialBlether · 17/10/2013 22:55

God, I really hate that sort of crap that people post online. Do they really think that people who work outside the home come home and sit down until it's time for work again?

But, OP, what struck me was this: "Yes I have a bit of free time and that's my choice. It also means I'm pretty skint a lot of the time. We don't have holidays or flash cars etc etc. but that's my choice."

"I'm pretty skint" - don't you mean your family is?

"We don't have holidays... but that's my choice" - is it your family's choice?

If your children are all in school, you actually have a hell of a lot of free time, don't you, not just "a bit"?

bimbabirba · 17/10/2013 22:59

Couple of years ago when it was snowing a lot, a colleague of mine (and FB friend) started a funny contest about who should get a medal for making into work despite the snow, and added that working from home didn't count.
Well, his idiotic DW replied "what about me, staying to home al, day and looking after DD? Do I not deserve a medal"?
I hate that attitude and martyr like FB posts

ImperialBlether · 17/10/2013 23:13

I think that woman deserved the Victoria Cross for that!

50shadesofmeh · 18/10/2013 08:41

I'd bloody love to be a SAHM but as it is I return to work next week leaving my 6 month old and other two kids behind to do an actual nurses job.
These status ' get on my tits because they somehow imply that a SAHM is doing a full time job and a working mum is doing a part time effort. it also annoys me that a SAHM feels the need to justify her position , it's damn lucky to not have to leave your kids behind and not have to cram all the exact same stuff into 2-3 days off instead of 7.

notundermyfoof · 18/10/2013 08:53

I seem to be getting loads of these things popping up on my newsfeed atm, one day soon I'm going to do a pa status about how I am obviously a shit mum because I don't "like" any of these stupid "like if your child is your world" pages!

Btw I am a sahm and I consider myself very lucky that I don't have to go to work while the dcs are small, I don't judge anyone for the choices they make or feel in any way superior to mothers who can't afford or choose not to give up work

Trills · 18/10/2013 09:15

Telling a SAHM to "get a proper job" in general is bad.

Saying it in response to that kind of post is a good and sensible response.

"I do all this and don't get paid, whine moan whinge."
"Why not get a job where you get pay and lunchbreaks then?"

Sunnysummer · 18/10/2013 09:57

The original post lost me at the very first line - "Full Time Mum". I'm willing to bet that there are at least a few connections of yours who would love to be able to be mums, but aren't having any luck, and plenty more who feel conflicted about working outside the home. This may be cute to you, but it is upsetting to some and twee for most others. Fwiw, she was BU to snark with 'proper job' too.

Summerblaze · 18/10/2013 11:27

I think we have established that the fb post is cringeworthy and I really detest all fb "aren't I amazing" posts. One of my fb friends is a nurse and I know she works hard and I think we are so lucky that people want to do it as I (with my phobia of germs and blood) would be useless at it. That said, I do not like it when she puts up these type of posts about nurses and I don't like the full time mummy one either.

However, I am with Kaida. I have been a SAHM and now a pt WOHM. When I was a SAHM I took care of my dc every minute of the day, clean every bum, wiped every nose etc etc. I also did all of the housework.

Now when I am at work, the person who looks after my child, wipes their nose and cleans their bum while I am not there. I do it once I get home again. I also now share household tasks with DH.

I work for exactly the same amount of time now as I did as a SAHM as there is only so many hours in the day. Both are hard work for different reasons. Why are so many women happy to blast other women for their choices. My friends are either mums or not, working or not. I don't care what they do and they don't care what I do.

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