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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be bothered about this comment?

96 replies

Ilovemydogandmydoglovesme · 15/10/2013 17:05

I shared the Mumsnet post on fb about how being a mum is a full time job. It was a picture of a CV detailing all the stuff a mum does unpaid. I thought it was a bit of harmless tongue-in-cheek humour.

A lady of my aquaintance, whom I previously thought was a nice educated lady, has made the comment 'why not get a proper job?' Hmm

AIBU to feel a bit pissed off with that attitude? I don't know why it bothers me so much. First world problem and all that but fuck I feel riled.

OP posts:
Blu · 16/10/2013 08:01

Surely you have no need to feel defensive?

mrsgremola · 16/10/2013 08:17

Of course YANBU, it was a bitchy thing to say and not remotely witty or funny.

Her attitude simply reinforces a wider view that a sahm's job is of less importance and value than that of a person who does a 'proper' job. A nanny does the same things as those listed on the Mumsnet post, and has a 'proper' job.

I advise you bow out now OP as you're going to get pages of posters sneering at you and saying your post was twee, nauseating, and a host of other insults. Rest assured it was a light hearted FB post that meant no offence, but some people can be over sensitive about sahms for their own reasons, and feel the need to denigrate them - ignore!

UriGHOULer · 16/10/2013 08:34

She's a bit of a bitch to remark on it so snappily.

But you wouldn't put "I wipe my own arse" on a list of achievements would you? So much of being a SAHM (I am one) is instinctive, looking after yourself/offspring/environment. No one deserves a medal for it.

Even a rabbit in a cage kicks sawdust over its shit and licks its babies clean.

flipchart · 16/10/2013 08:51

I thought it was a witty response.

The mock advert is being negative - as if anyone would chose to be employed in that position, so the response was ' why not get a proper job' seems fair enough.

OP, I think you really are being grumpy.
So you previously thought of her as a nice educated lady. What you don't now?
Then you go on to snipe about her lifestyle saying she is retired and lived off her husband!
Fuck me! It sounds like she is in a marriage that worked like that .

Your a sham as well aren't you?

kiwimumof2boys · 16/10/2013 09:10

I hate it when people describe their occupation as 'full time mummy' or 'slave to (DC name).' The worst was 'health and safety officer at (DC's name).'
Or, 'Full time mummy at: full time mummy . . . and loving it!/proud of it!' etc etc. I don't know any other job where people say things like that.
Please do not refer to yourself as 'Mummy' when the audience are adults.
And yes, I am (currently) a SAHM.

gordyslovesheep · 16/10/2013 09:21

Yeh I do all that alone and I have a job ...do I win?

Op yabu ... She was being funny

HenriettaPye · 16/10/2013 09:22

Being a mummy is a privilege, not a job

TheCrumpetQueen · 16/10/2013 09:27

I don't think it refers to sahm, I think it's to all mothers out there, working or not.

Rufus44 · 16/10/2013 10:13

uri I have just amended my cv to say wipes own arse...every little helps

ilove just ignore the comment like she should ignore your post if it pisses her off

I agree with the comment that SAHM is not a lifestyle choice for all SAHMs

pokesandprodsforthelasttime · 16/10/2013 10:42

That job description sounds awfully like my paid employment Grin

breatheslowly · 16/10/2013 13:57

If being a mum is a FT job, are WOHMs not actually "mums" or are we only "PT mums"?

spindlyspindler · 16/10/2013 15:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Kaida · 16/10/2013 15:47

I also hate the "I'm a nurse, photographer, taxi driver," etc thing, it is insulting to professionals who actually ARE nurses etc. But it IS different being home full time to being a WOHM. It's not that you're a part time Mum, more that the little day-to-day basics of child-care, you outsource for at least some of the time, whether to a nursery, obliging family member, school or childminder. If you're working fulltime, someone else cooks lunch/snacks for your child, someone else changes their nappy if they're still in nappies, someone else sings songs, supervises play, takes them to the park/playgroup/whatever. So this "I'm a WOHM, I do all that a SAHM does AND work outside the home too!" is also untrue. You do many of the same things, even all perhaps, but not for as many hours. Which is fine, but let's all be honest here. I think sometimes the twee annoying stuff mentioned in the OP is a reaction to the "Well I do all that AND work fulltime!" (with it's implied, "so why can't you?").

Kaida · 16/10/2013 15:48

*If you're working fulltime, someone else cooks lunch/snacks for your child, someone else changes their nappy if they're still in nappies, someone else sings songs, supervises play, takes them to the park/playgroup/whatever - during your work hours. Sorry missed a bit, typing too fast!

FederationPresidentBarryFife · 16/10/2013 15:53

YAY mrsgremola everyone has a agenda with this one - and that agenda is to validate their own lifestyle choice. It is NOT OK to denigrate another woman's decision about SAHM vs WOHM. Both are bloody hard. But just for the record - the reason a SAHM might say its hard isn't her whinging as it certainly is NOT just the stuff WOHM mums do as well as work. Its ALL DAY, relentless, no other adults, lonely and the rest of society suddenly look at you as if you are a non person, to be patronised and sneered at.

KhunZhoop · 16/10/2013 16:01

HALP! I posted something wanky on Facebook and someone has pointed out that it's wanky! WOE!

Foodylicious · 16/10/2013 16:05

I am afraid my comment may be along the lines of "stop telling the world how fabulous a parent you are, get off fb and be one". "so many people are not nearly so privillaged as you to have children, never mind be able to spend so much time with them & they really don't need their noses rubbing in it"
Sorry but guess its a raw nerve for me too.

But seriously! its facebook!!! not real life, don't share stuff on there if you don't want people to share back how it makes them feel.

Use a phone, call your friends and have an actual conversation about how your day has been, what your kids have been up to etc.

flipchart · 16/10/2013 16:16

the reason a SAHM might say its hard isn't her whinging as it certainly is NOT just the stuff WOHM mums do as well as work. Its ALL DAY, relentless, no other adults, lonely and the rest of society suddenly look at you as if you are a non person, to be patronised and sneered at.

Really? I didn't find that at all. I found it fun, I had freedom and not tied to someone else's routine ( i.e. work hours)

No other adults? That's largely down to how you conduct and plan your day. I had friends round once I had done what I needed to. Some friends were shift workers so they had time off in the day, others part time.
DH works/worked very long hours as he is self employed so I would sometimes have friends and their kids round for tea.

Being a non person to be patronised and sneered- Nobody would dare with me!! I certainly wasnt' a non person and can only suggest it might be how someone may perceive themselves!!

As with anything your situation whether WOHM or SAHM is what you make it. I can't see how anyone can get worked up by other people's choices.

snowmummy · 16/10/2013 16:27

Oh fgs this is an age old argument. Working is hard, being a sahm is hard. Which is harder depends on many factors. Make your choice and stop worrying what others think or do.

Onebuddhaisnotenough · 16/10/2013 16:37

Nauseating. I'm a mum and I work. I am quite happy with my choices. I delete FB 'friends' who list this passive aggesive chip on shoulder shit.

FederationPresidentBarryFife · 16/10/2013 16:45

I guess I meant flipchart that although you see other adults its all very children centred. So although playdates etc are great you are still with the kids and its hard to have an adult conversation with a 3 year old winding itself around your ankles!!
I think you must be better at more suited to SAHM -ing than me though as although I love seeing the kids and doing things with them I do find it... tedious. I miss being a grown up. I think perhaps balance is key. ANYWAY, it's sometimes hard and it's sometimes great. A bit like the rest of life really!!!

But, I don't like the idea that I somehow invite being patronised, or its all in my head or whatever. SURELY you have noticed that (OK not in your unique case) SAHMs or indeed all mothers are patronised by society/the media/the general public???

I don't like those facebook things though, they are a bit wanly. Also, going on FACEBOOK to complain how busy you are is a bit like... umm... doing it on Mumsnet!

FederationPresidentBarryFife · 16/10/2013 16:46

wanly = wanKy

PeazlyPops · 16/10/2013 16:47

Urgh, I hate that sort of thing. Martyr mummies.

So what? I'm a mum, I work full time and I'm a part-time student. I still don't share any twee shite on Facebook.

flipchart · 16/10/2013 16:51

I'm not a SAHM anymore federation although I liked it very much at the time.

I don't think WOHM or SAHM is more difficult than the other. It's just different and needs different organisational skills.

My advice is always the same to people who don't know whether its a good thing or not to work or stay at home ......do what you want, it doesn't affect anyone outside your family!

FederationPresidentBarryFife · 16/10/2013 16:52

My advice is always the same to people who don't know whether its a good thing or not to work or stay at home ......do what you want, it doesn't affect anyone outside your family!

Good advice Smile