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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be bothered about this comment?

96 replies

Ilovemydogandmydoglovesme · 15/10/2013 17:05

I shared the Mumsnet post on fb about how being a mum is a full time job. It was a picture of a CV detailing all the stuff a mum does unpaid. I thought it was a bit of harmless tongue-in-cheek humour.

A lady of my aquaintance, whom I previously thought was a nice educated lady, has made the comment 'why not get a proper job?'

AIBU to feel a bit pissed off with that attitude? I don't know why it bothers me so much. First world problem and all that but fuck I feel riled.

OP posts:

QuintessentialShadows · 15/10/2013 18:09

'why not get a proper job?

It was a good response.

plentyofsoap · 15/10/2013 18:20

I don't understand why anyone would put it on facebook in the first place. Repost it if you love your children.

NotYoMomma · 15/10/2013 18:22

I bloody hate that fb post it is so cringeworthy

PuppyMonkey · 15/10/2013 18:28

It sounds like a cringey sort of post, but have you thought her response was actually supportive in a sarky way? Like she's sort of echoing the response you get from people in RL about mums not having a proper job. But she's just repeating that sarcastically?

Or something.

RM0104 · 15/10/2013 18:29

I think its a good response. being a mum can hardly be compared to the tough job nurses do!

daisychain01 · 15/10/2013 18:31

Sorry to say this but reposting someone else's regurgitated Momtastic drivel does open you up to having spears and arrows hurled from all directions on Facebook.

Maybe don't make yourself a target next time?

TigOldBitties · 15/10/2013 18:33

Are we fb friends? Someone posted the thing I believe you're talking about very recently. It truly annoyed me and i think that woman's response was funny.

Its a martyr post and irritates me, what because I use childcare, I am entitled to none of these mock qualifications. No I have to do all that shit plus my actual job.

All this parenting crap gives me the rages.

GreyTS · 15/10/2013 18:33

Sorry YABU, her response was really funny, wish more people would comment like that on these cringeworthy updates. And I am currently a SAHM.

Sleepyhead33 · 15/10/2013 18:38

I think it's a funny responses if it was responding to the mumsnet cv posted above.

If you post a jokey thing full of the negatives about parenting like: holidays... Not guaranteed etc then don't be surprise if you get a -well why don't you get a proper job then, type response.

Original poster

Ilovemydogandmydoglovesme · 15/10/2013 18:49

Well perhaps I was bein a bit tetchy.

For anyone who didn't read my original post, it was a Mumsnet post on fb. So ironic that I sound off about it on Mumsnet and half of you complain about it.

OP posts:

Sleepyhead33 · 15/10/2013 19:15

And actually, it is possible that you have offended some of your friends with the 'being a mum is a full time job' post.

I work 4 days a week. What do you make of me then? Am I doing a bit of a half job with my children. Not good enough job with them because if they are a full time job but I have another job then who is picking up the slack?

I don't obviously think that you think this but if you are being a bit sensitive about a jokey response then some of your fb friends may be equally sensitive about the post.
out of interest, does the 'get a proper job' friend work outside the home?

Original poster

Ilovemydogandmydoglovesme · 15/10/2013 22:30

No, she's a retired lady who's pretty much lived off her husband all her married life. And had cleaners etc.

It just annoyed me that she said it. If it had come from a man it would have seemed mysoginistic.

Obviously I know parents who work have to do all that as well as hold down a job, but just because I don't actually go and work somewhere and earn a salary doesn't mean I sit on my arse and live the life of Riley. Yes I have a bit of free time and that's my choice. It also means I'm pretty skint a lot of the time. We don't have holidays or flash cars etc etc. but that's my choice. I appreciate I'm lucky to have that choice but I can't apologise for my own life. Incidentally we don't have any childcare outside of school hours and I'd never earn enough to pay for it so unless I miraculously land a job at the dc's school I'm going to remain a sahm.

Hope that explains a bit.

God that was a rant, sorry.

OP posts:

bellablot · 16/10/2013 05:21

This post has some what got out of hand. Someone has to support the OP.

YABVU for re-posting shit like that on FB, it's unnecessary drivel, totally unnecessary, gives me the rage too.
The response to your FB post was indeed a little unnecessary but ignore it and don't post shit like that again.

So those two points answer your OP as you asked. So...why are people making this personal with comments like SAHM is a lifestyle choice not a job, the job is not in the same league as a nurse or a doctor, so on and so forth. All these comments are very unnecessary for this particular post. I've done both, full time, stressful job and SAHM and let me tell you all this, don't ever underestimate the difference between staying at home looking after your children yourself compared to paying someone else to do it, it does not compare, we all know it and yes that's right it's a lifestyle choice we all chose, do we stay at home or do we work? It's not an easy decision whichever one you take, we all make sacrifices, sometimes big ones. Give this lady some slack FFS. As woman we all need to support each others decision/choice and understand the sacrifices either party have to make in whatever decision they chose as a family. Staying at home day in day out with small children is hard hard hard work, not just physically but mentally.

Theodorakiss · 16/10/2013 05:42

My husband does roughly half. He doesn't think he is an alarm clock.

Pagwatch · 16/10/2013 06:07

To be honest it depends on the FB post.
If it was genuinely funny the she was being tetchy.
If it was one of the usual 'I am a nurse and a chef' things then she was understandably irritated.
And I say that as a full time sahm with a cleaner. Who doesn't actually live off my husband btw.

minnisota · 16/10/2013 06:42

I thought it was funny. Written as a job advert, it was saying I'm a nurse etc just listing things that are common when you have a child. eg under tea break it says "can only be drunk cold, half an hour after it's made"

Pagwatch · 16/10/2013 06:45

its hard to tell when you haven't seen it.
Could the op not link it?

TheCrumpetQueen · 16/10/2013 06:50

I think the fact she said 'proper' job made it rude. Maybe if she said get another job then.

It wasnt a cringey post IMO

Link

janey68 · 16/10/2013 07:05

That's a really cringey smug post, and I think anyone re-posting it should be prepared for that sort of response.

'Full time mother' indeed! What about fathers? And if you do all those things and work outside the home too, are you a 'part time mother?'

As for the 'start time between 5.30am- 7 and end time midnight '.... okaaaay, so does that mean that if you are a working parent, you magically get to laze in bed until 8am and your children magically drift off to sleep by 7.30 pm - oh, while your evening meal appears out of nowhere and the fairies clean up afterwards, leaving you to clock off for the evening?!!!

It's a daft post, noone can take it seriously so the FBs friends response was in the same spirit. I don't see how the OP could take offence unless of course, she took the linked post seriously.

Igloofornow · 16/10/2013 07:21

Plenty of my friends who are nurses teachers etc post similar about their jobs, it's only a fb post get over yourselves. How can you be upset by something yay really doesn't mean anything to you.

And op if you do feel this way, go back to work. I work full time shifts with 3 under 5 just for the break

AmazingBouncingFerret · 16/10/2013 07:29

Oh I could see me posting that sort of response

I did similar to a friend who posted some crap about people with blue being kind hearted and wonderful and they shit rainbows and lollipops and stuff.

I replied with "Hitler had blue eyes"

I'm sure it was just a joke OP. Just like the 'job advert' is.

AmazingBouncingFerret · 16/10/2013 07:29

*people with blue EYES

TallulahBetty · 16/10/2013 07:53

YABU, it was a funny response. I too hate these posts. So I have 2 jobs then, as a "mom" and my ACTUAL job?

Worse still is people describing themselves as "full time mummy". I guess that means I only do a half-hearted job at being a parent then?

Doodledumdums · 16/10/2013 07:55

YABU. I think your fb post probably touched a nerve with her, as it would with me.

As an aside, I really hate it when being a SAHM is referred to as a 'lifestyle choice.' Where is the choice? If there was any choice in it then I would not be going back to full time work in seven weeks, I would be chosing to be a SAHM. The fact is that there is no choice for a lot of people, so if you are able to be a SAHM then count your lucky stars that it is an option which is available to you and stop being martyrs about it. I do not have extravagant
holidays, I don't have a car, I never go out- so I could not cut back on anything to make this option available to me.

Sorry- bit of a raw subject for me at the moment!!

MortifiedAdams · 16/10/2013 07:56

Those FB posters fuck me off. "Re post if you have a Daughter who lights up.your life!" Arghghghggg!

However nothing upon nothing beats mummies wishing their baby/toddler Happy Birthday on FB - the baby cant even read?!?

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