To get annoyed at the lack of empathy being shown by some many posters at the moment?

[coldwinter]

No I know IANBU, but I am stunned by some of the posters on here at the moment. Mumsnet has turned into the opinion pages of the Daily Mail.

Yaaawn, morning all...

One of the first things I learned at therapy school was 'empathy, not sympathy'.

So yes, I can understand that you may well be (trolls aside) a frothing racist, sexist, cat hating harpie, and have some very odd ideas in your head but I don't feel sorry for you. Or maybe I do. Dunno. This is pre-coffee and I have a family to tazer gently rise from their slumbers.

I'm not so sure. There are a lot of seemingly innocent threads that turn into bunfights quite quickly.

...And I'll batter the lot of ye if ye dinna agree.

What Vole and Nenny said.

My ex mil still blames the queen for Diana's death and harrumphs every time she sees her on tv. I was, of course, a heartless bitch for not crying for weeks because someone I didn't know had died.

Of course there is still good here. But the daily mail comments void of any empathy do annoy me.

Cat - you heartless woman :)

I think a lot of people just use threads to reveal more about themselves- all carefully engineered of course. Call me a cynic, but lots of people on here will post to make themselves look good/original in some subtle way, completely ignoring the fact that the OP is vulnerable often because they're posting about a problem, or themselves, let alone the fact that they're vulnerable just because they are the OP. I am sure these people do have normal levels of empathy, but just get carried away and tempted, and that they also have lower than average levels of self esteem. So forums are the perfect vehicle to get a little bit of control back. Not outright lying but manipulation. God knows I've done it, looked back and thought, oh dear, what's wrong with me?

I think it happens from time to time, it does seem worse to me at the moment. Its not always new posters either

Sometimes it can be difficult to get the 'tone' of a post right.

Sometimes I think MN could be brilliant for bringing people to the brink of neurosis that therapy could help them. Sometimes you're too detached and you need opening up. AIBU could sort us out.

I think we really have trouble accepting that we're part of a group and that if we make it clear we agree with the majority, we automatically have a role to accept responsibility for. It goes against what we'd prefer really. We like to think of ourselves as these upright individuals, who nonetheless can't have much of an effect on an OP who's had 100 replies to her Q. But we do, so count yourself in.

i blame the ungodliness of the hour for these ramblings. and since when is there no light outside at 7?

It's always the innocent threads that start bunfights. :)

It's possible that the general mood gets worse after a bunfight and it carries on to other threads

I tend to post mainly on relationships and the rest in IABU and haven't noticed a big change. There have been debates, mostly about the same subjects as usual.
Some people get a bit personal or tend to be more blunt.

Not here but one of the biggest bunfights I've been on was over whether someone was pregnant or not. The person who started the fight was in a really bad place at the time.

Maybe we should blame the government over this. Or the weather. :)

Blaming the government is always a good starting point.

I blame the parents.

never mind lack of empathy - lack of sense of humour!

I think OinkGlitter is right about people feeling that they have to caveat their post to the Nth degree so that they're not accused of being an "ist" within the first 5 posts.

If people only contributed to a post when they had a reply that dealt with what the OP asked there'd be a lot more posts & they'd be a lot shorter.

Trouble is, some people seem to sit there looking for things to get outraged about & read smears into the most innocent sentences.

I think a lot of it is also to do with people who are not able to cope with the concept that someone else may be 'right'
This defines my XH, so have a tad of exprience with the issue
He, certainly, could never accept that someone else with a differing viewpoint could be in any way right ....because by default that would make him in some way 'wrong'.
It was never possible to just amicably disagree, because you might walk away thinking you were right ....ergo thinking he was wrong.....and that concept was totally beyond the pale!!

I sense a lot of that on MN.

I don't mind a good debate. I don't mind having my views challenged.

I do mind people who spread ill-informed hate. There was one person who tried to make a point to me by linking to a religious blog as if it was 'fact', in a 'see there you go, it's on the internet so must be true' kind of way. Made me

People are too quick on the keyboards to argue with you.

So when I say - I was bullied and teased mercilessly becase my parents didn't think through my name choice very well (which is true btw) - I get told that: no I didn't, I must be very weak or hysterical, I imagined it, it doesn't happen, LTBs, every parent has the right to name their child 'arselick' should they choose...

There will always be gaslighters and tipsy posters (tipsy poster, me! Never!) but the big gobs with nothing useful to add should learn when and where to just zip it!

I notice many posters 'want support' by with they mean strangers to agree with them and post sad faces.

AIBU etc. seems very much emotive posting (asking for emotive posts and receiving reenforcement), rather than anything practical. Anything practical goes down verrrry badly.

posters also ignore posts that don't fit with their argument which makes the debate somewhat pointless.

I also notice very little empathy for anyone different than a MN type (I appreciate there are a variety of people on MN but most people fit a group - SAHM, WOHM on ML, etc etc etc).

I find MN very interesting.

Goodness. I don't think most people on mn are sahms or women on maternity leave.
That's not true is it?

There is little room for irreverence.

The people who whine about swearing annoy me a bit tbh. Especially as the most prissy often seem to want to make swearing worse than some racist/disablist/guff they've just posted.

thats correct - that's why I put etc etc etc.

but the empathy on MN is not universal.

Oh I think I see what you mean.
Not that most are sahms or at home but that they fit into a definte 'box' of some description and that there is not much understanding of people in unusual/uncommon situations?

Thanks. I get what you mean now

you put it better!

I've been up bloody hours...