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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

...to think if DH needs to get up early sleep in the spare room?

102 replies

RigglinJigglin · 15/10/2013 06:39

Currently rageful so am posting here to see if I'm am.

DH travels for work, quite often leaving early or home late. This morning he had to be on the road for 5.30am. His alarm (which was like a siren in our room) went off at 5am waking our 5month old and me.

Cue baby screaming and me being on the point of tears. I've had weeks of shitty sleep due to baby having a cold and then me having a cold, and the 4month sleep regression being like hell on wheels. I am frigging tired. And he's not home til Thursday now.

AIBU in asking DH to sleep in the spare room on future nights / mornings? Saving all our our sanity. He seems to think so Hmm

OP posts:
ipswichwitch · 15/10/2013 07:24

Not everybody finds it so easy to turn over and go back to sleep though - least of all with a screaming 5month old in the room. It'll hardly end in divorce if he has to sleep in the spare room a few nights when he's up early. We do it and frankly it's made me less homicidal of a morning (not a morning person)

PoppyWearer · 15/10/2013 07:27

YANBU.

livinginwonderland · 15/10/2013 07:30

Thing is, I wouldn't be okay with being kicked out of my bed if I had to wake at 5am so that DP wouldn't get woken up. I sleep better with DP in bed with me, and it's the same with him (I'm going to Australia in three weeks to visit family and he's dreading not sharing a bed with me!).

I totally get that it's horrible having a screaming baby to deal with and that being shattered after a poor night's sleep isn't easy, but maybe work on an alternative solution first before kicking him out.

Madamecastafiore · 15/10/2013 07:30

Am 35 weeks pregnant with raging reflux, currently getting around 4 hours sleep a night and dh's alarm goes off at 4.45am every day. He just makes sure he turns it off before it gets too loud! 7/10 I sleep through it.

BUT once dc3 gets here he will be showering in another bathroom and getting ready in dc3s room if he wakes DC3 up every day.

Once in a blue moon I could cope with but then I don't have a cold and a baby not sleeping!!

80sMum · 15/10/2013 07:31

Absolutely, definitely and emphatically YANBU!

If you're the one getting up in the night to your baby and are sleep deprived, one of your DH's primary duties is to ensure that you have as much sleep as it is possible for you to have. Waking you and the baby unnecessarily at 5.00am shows a woeful lack of consideration in that respect.

You and your DH should reach an agreement as to what is the earliest time it would be reasonable for his alarm to wake you. Then there would be no need for any further discussion; if he needed to be up earlier than the agreed time, the expectation would be that he would sleep in the spare room.

Sunnysummer · 15/10/2013 07:35

YANBU. It's hard enough to keep a 5 month old asleep in any case, no way ours would sleep through that! We had the same problem and also agreed on the spare bedroom when DH has to get up early.

Other alternative is that you go to bed really early while he looks after the baby so you get extra sleep, but this can be a tricky one -

comingalongnicely · 15/10/2013 07:40

YABU, he should try a quieter alarm.

Whilst not ideal if either of you are woken up, my sympathies are with the person who has to drive & then do a full days work. At least with a 5 MO you can grab catch up snoozes when he/she does.

PS - by "full days work", I mean in a formal environment where he can't stop, relax or snooze whereas at home you can kip when the sprog does (if you want) - not implying that you're not working.

Gruntled · 15/10/2013 07:43

If it was for a fishing trip then YANBU but be fair, he is going to work. Can't be pleasant for either of you....

PrimalLass · 15/10/2013 07:47

I am amazed that anyone is saying YABU. When you have a baby and are not sleeping through then just getting through those months should be priority for everyone. I am sure OH slept in the spare room a lot when DD was teeny, partly to make sure he was not woken in the night, and partly to give us more room to cosleep. No point in being precious and territorial about the 'master bedroom' unless it would mean him sleeping on the sofa.

DeathMetalMum · 15/10/2013 07:48

YABU dp gets up for work at 4.15 three days a week, some days him getting up wakes me and 7mo mostly it doesn't.

This morning in fact both of us woke up from his alarm. I got baby back to sleep then back to sleep myself, luckily both baby and toddler slept until 7.20. Though we don't have the luxuray of a spare room to even consider anything alse. I am however another who doesn't sleep comfy without dp.

eurochick · 15/10/2013 07:53

Yanbu. I am the one who sometimes has to get up dactyl early to catch flights and I would always take myself off to the spare room. It's not exactly a huge sacrifice!

eurochick · 15/10/2013 07:53

Dactyl????

Where tf did that come from?

Shamoy · 15/10/2013 07:54

Yanbu in terms of shitty behaviour towards your partner I would rank waking your sleep deprived partner and child unnecessarily as much shittier than asking your partner to sleep in a different bed for one night!

EBearhug · 15/10/2013 08:19

Anyone who uses an alarm that is likely to give you a heart attack when it goes off is being unreasonable, if they share a room, IMO, but particularly so if it means they wake the baby.

MrsLouisTheroux · 15/10/2013 08:21

Has your DH had months of broken sleep too? Can't be much fun getting up at 5am for him.

Scarynuff · 15/10/2013 08:35

I can't believe all the posters telling you to look for solutions here. Tell your dh he is not to wake you or the baby, then let him figure it out for himself. My guess is that he will chose to sleep in the spare room.

Original poster
RigglinJigglin · 15/10/2013 08:36

frouby any tips on sleeping through a crying baby I'll happily take them Grin

waikikamookau ha! If I could go back to sleep I would and wouldn't be on aibu. Once the kid is awake that's it....

disgrace should've said the spare room bed is my old kingsize bed, so it's no hardship for me to go in there with baby and co-sleep

mrslouis DH has mastered sleeping through the night, shame his DD hasn't taken after him in that respect. I suspect that's why he had such a bloody ridiculous alarm this morning!

Will get to bed early doors this evening, and hope that the early get up means that baby rigglin has her naps today can live in hope

OP posts:
Crawling · 15/10/2013 08:54

Yanbu

dreamingbohemian · 15/10/2013 08:58

Jesus Christ, it's a spare room, not a dungeon. Total non-brainer. I can't believe anyone is saying YABU, it's a completely sensible thing to do.

valiumredhead · 15/10/2013 09:00

Quite dreaming! I slept in the spare room last night, it's so comfy in thereGrin

waikikamookau · 15/10/2013 09:16

fair enough op,

noblegiraffe · 15/10/2013 09:20

At least with a 5 MO you can grab catch up snoozes when he/she does.

Is it just me that finds this funny?

PrimalLass · 15/10/2013 09:22

No I thought it was funny too noblegiraffe.

Dubjackeen · 15/10/2013 09:52

YANBU. Can't understand how he doesn't see for himself how selfish it is to wake a small baby, and you, needlessly. Agree with poster who said, it's not to a dungeon he is being asked to move, or a lumpy couch! OP, hope you get a bit of rest today, and definitely spare room should be used for next while.

cantdoalgebra · 15/10/2013 11:28

Am I missing something here? Why can't the OP sleep in the spare room with baby? That way she is less likely to be disturbed and her DH can get up early with everything he needs to hand. What is the big deal with the spare room? If you don't like the room, make it more comfortable.