using a nursery for 5 month old

[babydueinmarch]

Hi, my first baby is due in March. Unfortunately, due to redundancy and a big hit on our savings (but didn't want to wait to TTC due to my age) I'm not going to be able to afford a lot of time off for maternity leave and will be looking to go back to work in September when the baby will be 5 months.

I have looked around a lovely nursery (rated outstanding) and had more or less decided to put the baby there but have been open to criticism, some of it direct ("I couldn't do that!" with teeth-sucking) and some less explicit, just head-shaking and tut-tuts.

It's really upsetting and I wondered if anyone had any 'comebacks' as I know Mumsnet is good for these!

OP, I think it's a cultural thing. My DC1 is due in February, and like yours will be going to nursery from 5 or 6 months - but I live in Belgium, where just about ALL babies are in nursery from even earlier than that. So nobody is going to judge me for it here...what's more, it wouldn't cross anyone's mind here that it could be remotely bad for the baby. When I talk about this with my friends back in the UK, though, it's a different story, and I've had reactions similar to those you've had.

I did this, from 5.5 months. It was tough for a couple of weeks, and meant I gave up breastfeeding sooner than I would have wanted (would have been the same with a childminder / nanny). Bit of advice though is to try to sort their sleep out before they start, get them self settling a little bit if you can at all. It will make the transition to nursery naps in cot in a communal sleep environment easier. Good luck!

I felt much more comfortable about using a nursery rather than a childminder and I can't think of any friends who use a childminder. DD started nursery at 6 mo (though only for 2 mornings a week, she would have been fine with more than that). The reason she started then is that I strongly believe that it is easier to settle them early than at over about 8 months when they have more separation anxiety. DD seems to have done very well and I think much of that is from going to nursery - a good nursery is both caring and stimulating for a child.

This makes me so angry. Like someone has said upthread, it is just a cultural thing. I gave birth in Belgium where maternity leave is only 15 weeks and childminders are virtually unheard of so the majority of babies are in nursery from the age of 4 months. They all turn out OK.

ballons - Did you exclusively breastfeed? Dd2 was bfed until nearly a year and has only had 1 day off nursery and she goes 5 days a week for 45 hours as I work there.

A good nursery would be fine with expressed milk. I exclusively fed my son (though he didn't go to nursery my partner looked after him at first) still feeding now he's 15 months but he has cows milk when I'm not with him now

My mum went back to work when I was 4 months old.

I have no bad memories of nursery. Or any for that matter. Only lots of reports, pictures, etc. looks like I was doing fine.

Apart from my MN addiction , I am as good as the next person.

Do what you have to do and do not worry.

I'm sure baby will be fine. We used a good nursery and good childminder from 10 months who came recommended by a good friend. Childminder only did 3 preschool children, including our baby so no school runs. It was much better than nursery as it was quieter, one individual with him all day so much better at recognising what he wanted and needed. He also slept much better in a quiet room upstairs at her house than in the baby room at nursery with other babies 'sleeping'. He came back very tired from nursery as couldn't sleep with all the noise and the childminder days allowed him to rest. The other problem with nursery and young babies is that they catch every bug going. Our nursery is very inflexible, CM much more. Nursery expect you to collect if they have to give calpol if in pain eg teething or has a cold whereas CM gave calpol, cuddled and used discretion when to call us. I would ask nursery where babies sleep and what policy about giving calpol and calling parents are otherwise you'll be called back from work once a week at this age (they teeth from 6 months to 2 years).

I work in a nursery that caters birth - 5 years and or youngest start has been 14 weeks, she definately took more settling in than the older children especially at nap time but after 2 weeks all was fine.

She's now 10 months and gets excited whenever age sees the building and squeals when she comes in, she also waves "oonigh" (goodnight) when she leaves at 3pm :o

I'm on maternity leave at the moment but will be returning to work in January with my then 10 month old DD.

I've had a few "pity" comments from friends who don't work or have free childcare from family but i just point out that i'm pleased with my decision as i see quite a lot of socially unaware children who are useless with sharing, holding conversation or playing with other children and generally settling in when it comes to the pre-school sessions.

In all honesty thigh children generally adapt pretty well and problems I've mentioned above are short lived but they don't need to know that and it shuts them up :o

DS started part-time in nursery when he was five months, gradually becoming full-time by eight months. He LOVES nursery and gets shirty with us at weekends when he doesn't get to go.

He was also exclusively breastfed until six months (total, total bottle refuser - just held out for me) and is still breastfeeding now at 17 months so there's no reason at all to reduce or give up breastfeeding if you don't want to.

It is incredibly hard work, though, working full time with a baby. No time or energy whatsoever to do anything for yourself. I'm smiling wryly at the previous poster who said 'sort out their sleep' before you go back. If DC wants to have their sleep sorted, you will be able to sort their sleep. If DC doesn't want to have their sleep sorted, and is perfectly happy waking every two hours through the night, there's not a blind bloody thing you can do but plough through work with toothpicks under your lids!

Tell these people to fuck off to the far side of fuck if they comment. It is nothing to do with them - you are doing what is best for your family.

Until the paid maternity leave increased from 6 to 9 months in 2007 most mothers went back to work when baby was 5 months. Ds did,he's 6 now and as fine as a 6 year old can be.

mine went at 4 1/2 months nothing else to do as I had to go back to work he is a happy intelligent well adjusted (if there is such a Thing) nearly 3 year old. it will not do your baby any harm you will find it hard but you will manage because that's what you have to do

DS started nursery a few months ago aged 5.5 months. He's thriving. The staff loved having such a young baby there (generally seem to start at 9 months now) so he had all the staff making a huge fuss of him.

As he's reaching peak separation anxiety, the staff are on his "list" of people he trusts, so no problems dropping him off.

It's been easier than starting DD at 1yr, and not just down to personality.

They move children up carefully. With friends, sometimes moving a member of staff up if a large group of children happen to move at once. It's done slowly and at the children's pace.

Would I have stayed at home longer if I could? Absolutely.

Do I regret sending DS to this nursery at that age? Not at all.

Just say: ' thank you for your concern. I will let you know if I am ever in need of your advice.'

DD started nursery at 8mo, full time. She was the youngest there so I did find it a bit hard, but she settled SO quickly and loved it right from the start.

I prefer nursery to childminder, due to reliability. The only thing I hadn't thought about is that nurseries have much stricter policies about a child's illness, eg 48 hours after any sickness/diarrhoea. I took a lot of time off to look after DD when she was sick, but luckily my employer is supportive. I hear childminders are much less strict.

You will be fine and you will learn to deal with people's responses. My only advice is to make likeminded friends who understand you and do not judge.

I went for a less than perfect nursery, because it allowed another advantage for us, at 8 months. No regrets, and child appears fine. Childminders appear to have a real thing about babies shouldn't be in nursery, but I think it depends how long, which one, and what suits your family. It's hard, whatever you do will have pluses and minuses.

It's none of their business. Yes, 5 months is young but if that's what you have to do, that's the way it will be. Mine went at 8 months and 9 months - and I got similar comments. I just ignored them. We had found a lovely little nursery, fantastic feel to it (and small baby room). Both DD's have loved it. Really were/are very happy there. There are lots of things we would do in an ideal world, but we don't live in an ideal world - we live in this one and good enough has to be good enough. This will be only one area where you will probably feel attacked as a parent for not doing this or doing that - ignore, ignore, ignore. The best piece of advice i had as a new mother was take all the (well meaning) advice with a smile, take what was useful and ignore the rest without guilt.

I think you're just going to have to grow a tougher skin OP.

There will be many people who get upset at the thought of a baby being put into full time childcare, rather than being with its parents.

That will never change, although voicing it to you is extremely rude.

Just be happy and confident enough in your decision, to let people's remarks wash off you like water off a duck.

Otherwise you'll drive yourself mad.

I went back to work full time when son was 3 months, he had a nanny in our home. I have friends who put children to nursery at 6 months, theirs and mine all turned out fine.

I did it with dd1. She was just over 5 months and was in full time until aged just under 3. Had a few "tut tuts" and "what's the point of having children" comments from a few far relations and that "you'll ruin her" type comments. I didn't have time to over think about them because I was so rushed off my feet all the time! You'll be fine once you get into it and your dd will love nursery with all the attention and activities. It's also brilliant for keeping your baby to a strict timetable which comes in handy for bedtime and food times.

It's really nice watching all the babies grow up together into toddlers and then pre schoolers in a nursery setting. Dd will be six next month and has a "baby" friend from nursery who turned six last month. I can't believe they've been friends since babyhood. It's a special friendship.

choos " Yes I couldn't use a child minder as less regulated "

Where on earth did you get this misinformation from??? CM's are subject to exactly the same rigorous standards and regulations, inspections as nurseries

For me, one of the things I felt less comfortable with was knowing the child would be on its own with only one adult. That made me uneasy. I think (although don't know for sure) that was what was meant with the 'less regulated' comment. My friends childminder got away with hitting her daughter for a while because of this.

Nurseries here in the US ('daycare') take babies full-time from 6 weeks old and the babies seem to turn out fine. Most American parents have to go back to work full-time very early on as there is no maternity leave here worth talking about. The kids all seem to do fine. The more popular solution is hiring a full-time nanny rather than using daycare but I actually think daycare is better because they get to interact with more people and with other babies.

It depends on the baby / child, but my DS, for example, is very sociable and loves the 2 mornings a week that he is in nursery. At 5 months he would have transitioned to full-time daycare no problems. Other children might be more anxious about separation though so it just depends. Only you know your baby and what suits him best.

I would have found it hard to do myself, I have to admit, but if I had to do it then I wouldn't have worried about it doing him any harm. The harm would all have been to me, just from being soppy and missing him!

That's lovely, Fakebook. The social aspect of nursery care is something a lot of people seem to overlook. I think it's great to give kids a social outlet beyond family at a time when so many of us live in isolated, nuclear families without grandparents, cousins, aunts etc around.