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AIBU?

using a nursery for 5 month old

128 replies

babydueinmarch · 13/10/2013 16:17

Hi, my first baby is due in March. Unfortunately, due to redundancy and a big hit on our savings (but didn't want to wait to TTC due to my age) I'm not going to be able to afford a lot of time off for maternity leave and will be looking to go back to work in September when the baby will be 5 months.

I have looked around a lovely nursery (rated outstanding) and had more or less decided to put the baby there but have been open to criticism, some of it direct ("I couldn't do that!" with teeth-sucking) and some less explicit, just head-shaking and tut-tuts.

It's really upsetting and I wondered if anyone had any 'comebacks' as I know Mumsnet is good for these!

OP posts:

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Pinupgirl · 13/10/2013 17:01

I wouldn't do it personally but if you feel you have no other choice then of course you must.

babydueinmarch · 13/10/2013 17:02

Thanks. The nursery seems absolutely lovely so no qualms on that side of things. Will review as and when appropriate but wasn't impressed by the childminders we visited much. A friend also had a really awful experience with one, which does put me off rather so I was inclined towards nursery even before visiting childminders.

OP posts:

babydueinmarch · 13/10/2013 17:03

Pinupgirl - we don't "feel" we have no other choice. It's things like that people say that are extremely upsetting to be honest.

OP posts:

oliveoctagon · 13/10/2013 17:04

Im the same as you babyinmarch. I have never met a childminder I would want to have sole care of either of mine. I feel much more comfortable with nurseries.

CPtart · 13/10/2013 17:05

Both DS went to nursery, from four and five months respectively. No problems at all. I too had a friend who said it "wouldn't be for her". What she neglected to add was that she had a mother who lived ten minutes away and loved nothing more than provide free childcare at the drop of a hat!

oliveoctagon · 13/10/2013 17:10

Dont worry about the negative comments you will be the one who is a good role model to your baby, have your own money and career, and in most cases as you keep working will have a husband or partner that is just as capable as you at the childcare/house side of things. It would be silly for you to give all that up and struggle, I doubt your baby would thank you for it. Good luck

Choos123 · 13/10/2013 17:12

Yes I couldn't use a child minder as less regulated and live in a city and i'd have to have a personal recommendation. nursery is a good choice for your baby, if it has an outstanding rating it should be a lovely experience.

slightlysoupstained · 13/10/2013 17:15

I can come up with some very sarcastic/aggressive answers, but I know I wouldn't use them.

DP was out of work for most of my pregnancy, so at one point it looked like it would be 5 months max for me - in the end I went back at 9 months, I didn't get much negative comment but anything that seemed to be heading that way I just brought up "aren't we lucky not to be in the US, they have zero statutory paid leave there". And then point out Sweden etc at the other end of the scale, which seemed to divert people along a less judgy path...

Jinty64 · 13/10/2013 17:27

Ds1 and ds2 were 14 weeks when I went back to work. Luckily I was able to work nights so that I was there for them during the day but others had to go back to full time days. That was all the paid leave you got.

Madratlady · 13/10/2013 17:37

I haven't had my dc yet so even though I'm looking into child care I don't have any experience with nurseries etc.

My friend has a beautiful DD who has been in nursery since 3mo and she's the most sunny and sociable baby I've ever met so I'm inclined to think it can be fine.

LimitedEditionLady · 13/10/2013 17:52

Mine went at seven month as i went back to work.I dont understand the problem people seem to have.Is it harmful for a child to go and spend time with qualified nursery staff who care for them as a job and give them activities to do as some people need to go to work?i think not.Ours is in age group rooms and two babies per staff member and hes never been unsettled other than being tired or ill or not enjoyed it.Hes been going there two years now and loves the staff and im happy hes going as he spends time with other people than just me.Its helped him if anything,for each room hes moved up to hes cone on leaps and bounds.Tell people to butt out and offer them a parent of the year badge.nursery is not a horrid place,its lovely.

valiumredhead · 13/10/2013 17:56

Is it normal not to have bedding when the children nap?

RevoltingPeasant · 13/10/2013 17:58

OP I don't have DC yet but a colleague who is also a friend did exactly what you are talking about.

She said it was v hard at first, as it is quite young to leave them, but then her DD settled well. Now, her key worker also babysits for the, on odd occasions. I've seen them together and the little girl clearly loves her, always crowing and trying to stick her fingers up her nose which is apparently a sign of affection

From watching her, it did seem like her DD got sick quite a lot, which I understand is quite normal when they first go to nursery as their immune systems get hit with everyone else's germs. That passed after a few months, but have you thought about how to manage sudden bugs or similar in terms of leave?

I am ttc now and will do the same if I have a baby. I think it will be fine and your baby will turn out really sociable.

LimitedEditionLady · 13/10/2013 18:03

In answer to bedding our nursery provided a sheet for the babies when they napped and we took a blanket from home to keep there.They just wash the blankets and keep it in the kids basket for their own things.my son caught bugs at first for a few weeks but now rarely even has sniffles so i think i missed about four days work in two years which isnt bad really tbh

LimitedEditionLady · 13/10/2013 18:06

Do childminders do the teaching bit too?i always wondered this although i have never visited one to find out.Nurseries follow the eyfs so i like that.

valiumredhead · 13/10/2013 18:07

Oh right,I did wonder as I can't sleep without a blanket as I get chilly!

oliveoctagon · 13/10/2013 18:08

Most nurseries have bedding already there. They wouldnt put a baby or child down without blankets/sheets etc

valiumredhead · 13/10/2013 18:13

I'm so sorry about my random bedding question, I'm on two nursery threads and got confused, ignore me

babydueinmarch · 13/10/2013 18:17

Haha I did wonder! But thanks for the clarification!

I'm not too concerned about the teaching aspect but the childminders I have visited restrict the children to one area of the house, spend chunks of the day on school runs and to be honest didn't seem particularly inclined to make a great impression which was off-putting. I think DC will be happy at the nursery.

OP posts:

PinkPepper · 13/10/2013 18:19

Can't see who asked but my childminder follows the eyfs things. It is quite regulated too
(I think experiences you have / feelings go for a lot, I had crappy experience doing w/e in a nursery and dislike the one near me as staff smoke right outside the doorway and won't move out way for my pushchair (at least hide or change clothes!)

hettienne · 13/10/2013 18:21

I work in early years and have been in many nurseries, state and private.

If I'm honest, I have seen very few that are able to adequately meet the needs of a very young baby, especially if the hours are long.

If you do choose a nursery, try to find one with a small baby room - smaller the better, 6 babies if possible, definitely no more than 9. You are unlikely to get better than a 1:3 staff to baby ratio in a private nursery. Children's Centre nurseries usually have better ratios and better qualified and more experienced staff (and higher standards all round), so if you have the choice go for one of them.

Ask a lot of questions about staff qualifications (if they use lots of "trainees" avoid.), staff turnover, how babies are put to sleep, if they follow baby's own routines, how often they take babies outside (be especially sceptical about this one - ime many nurseries avoid taking babies outside very often as it is difficult on their ratios), how they prepare milk feeds, and if they are prepared to hold babies that need it.

Finola1step · 13/10/2013 18:21

Both mine went to nurseries from 9 and 7 months. I preferred a nursery over a child minder as well. You will get all sorts of comments and looks over all sorts if things as a new mum. There are some peol

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oliveoctagon · 13/10/2013 18:25

Im the same as hettie and have a long background in lots of different early years roles, including management. I love nurseries, and would always choose them over childminders.

Finola1step · 13/10/2013 18:26

Oops posted too soon.

There are some people who seem to think that a woman having a baby entitles all others to comment and judge on every aspect of her parenting. It's crap. I learnt to give the death stare, the "I have no clue what you're talking about ?" look and my personal fave, the "Try it, just effing try it and see what you get" look. I still use them as and when.

pumpingprincess · 13/10/2013 18:27

DD has been going to the same nursery since very small and now, at the age of 4, has the most amazing group of friends that she has grown with all the way through, from baby room right through to pre-school room.

Apparently friendships like theirs can grow to be really strong and last a life time. I feel blessed that she has some fantastic friends and has such a positive experience at nursery.

If it's a good nursery then there is no reason why your baby shouldn't thrive there. Good luck!

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