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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

to think this is very disruptive??

971 replies

macdoodle · 13/10/2013 15:52

I probably am being unreasonable and am prepared to hear it.
My DD1 has just started secondary school, she is in the "more able class" (this is what its called by the school Hmm).
In this class, of about 20 odd, there is a boy with SN. He has an assistant for every lesson, and from what my DD tells me I guess he must have some form of autism.
But every single day, she is coming home with stories of what "X" has done. Thinks like having tantrum, which takes 20mins to calm down disrupting the lesson, shouting at the teacher, grabbing or hitting another child (and once a teacher), throwing all his books and stuff on the floor (numerous occasions), storming out of lessons etc etc.
Now the kids all seem to think this is hysterical (and great fun that almost every lesson is disrupted by "X"), but every day I am a bit Hmm, it just sounds very disruptive, and DD is starting to sound more annoyed than thinking its funny.
She does however say that is is clearly very bright indeed.
I know he has just as much right to be taught, but at the cost of disrupting a whole class of children? AIBU?? I can't quite decide TBH, and so far it doesnt appear to be affecting DD1's abilities, but we are only a term in.

OP posts:
fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 13/10/2013 16:43

A problem with MN is people keep posting intolerant threads about kids with SN

Strumpetron · 13/10/2013 16:44

pagwatch personally I wouldn't do that because I think it's quite dismissive of your child perceiving people. I mean I don't go for the whole telling tales and gossiping, but if she's just telling her mother about a girl in school it's not something major? And if the girl did something that affected your daughter do you think she'd still come to you or would she group it all in the same boat?

Bit off thread, I apologise.

Alisvolatpropiis · 13/10/2013 16:44

So op you say in your post that you know you're probably being unreasonable and are willing to hear it.

However you clearly are not.

macdoodle · 13/10/2013 16:45

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mumofthemonsters808 · 13/10/2013 16:45

I understand your concerns Macdoodle, my DD is also in year 7 and I would be worried about this situation. By the sound of things it does not seem to be working for the boy, the teacher or the rest of the class. Hopefully this situation will not continue into next term, if not I would then speak to her form teacher.

Ignore the nasty comments, your posts have been very reasonable.

AlexaChelsea · 13/10/2013 16:45

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coldwinter · 13/10/2013 16:45

I agree strump. She should not be gossiping about it in school. But telling her mother what happened at school, is normal.

sweetmelissa · 13/10/2013 16:45

I am a parent whose sons were boys with with autism spectrum/learning disabilities/behavioural difficulties and some physical problems who continually disrupted lessons and other children's learning. Having adopted them as toddlers his horrific start in life could also be attributed to their problems too.

I believed it was in the interest of everyone that one of my children should not be educated in a mainstream school (what use were quadratic equations when he could not count to five). It was then, and still is, the policy for as many children as possible to be educated in a mainstream school (well it costs less of course). The education authority made their decision he must continue his education, with support, in the school where he was.

So my husband and I took over and fought for SEVEN years, going through to tribunals and eventually courts, it costs us a fortune in time and money, employing experts when necessary but devoting ourselves full time t winning our case. Eventually we did win and my son was able to be educated in a wonderful special school that could meet his needs.

Once there he eventually made his first friend, he actually had his first invitation and as his parents we were not shunned either. The children he left behind could no doubt, work better without distraction. But, as I say, it took SEVEN years. His twin brother we removed to a college that could meet his needs at the earliest opportunity too. I guess everyone breathed a huge sigh of relief when he left school.

I bet most of the parents of the children in his class felt as the OP did. What can I say, I agree, yes, I'm sorry. But my it isn't the child's fault, it isn't even the school's fault...and my heart breaks for this child and his parents who government policy dictates must stay where he is.

btw I am now fostering teenagers with many difficulties so have to face the wrath of the other children's parents all over again....it ain't nice, but can I ask the OP what the alternative should be?

Sorry, going on, I know.

BeaverAbroad · 13/10/2013 16:46

To be fair, Alexa* most people are primarily concerned with their own DC, because they're your DC. However, for schools, they should be ensuring school is a good place for every child in the class.

This boy is evidently suffering and not being supported enough, then this is affecting the whole class. The boy isn't the problem- he's a victim-, the school/not supporting him is (probably) the problem.

babydueinmarch · 13/10/2013 16:47

YANBU at all to think it is disruptive or to have concerns about the progress of the other children in the class.

The problem is that inclusion, while working brilliantly for some, leaves others out in the cold. The one size fits all approach of "stick another adult in the class" doesn't work for all children.

I have no idea what to suggest as an alternative though but I would not be at all happy.

ChippingInNeedsSleepAndCoffee · 13/10/2013 16:47

Was he at school with these children before this year?

How many of her classes does DD have with him?

Alisvolatpropiis · 13/10/2013 16:47

Bye then

ShadeofViolet · 13/10/2013 16:48

A problem with MN is people keep posting intolerant threads about kids with SN

this

The big problem round here is that a proportion of posters think people with disabilities shouldn't be allowed out, incase they take up a place on the bus that means they have to fold down their buggy, or make too much noise in a restaurant.

The problem is they don't see a person with disabilities as a person, they see them as an annoyance.

AlexaChelsea · 13/10/2013 16:48

Ha ha righteous bitch?! That's new. I like that!

No, fucking hell I am not perfect.

But some things happened in my life that gave me some perspective, and though I'm not perfect, I am a much better person because of it.

CeliaFate · 13/10/2013 16:48

AlexaChelsea you are very angry and insulting in your posts. Not very tolerant at all.

Strumpetron · 13/10/2013 16:48

sweetmelissa I got a lump in me throat when you said your son made his first best friend! It's a bloody shame you had to go through such a battle to get him somewhere where he feels comfortable.

CeliaFate · 13/10/2013 16:50

*The big problem round here is that a proportion of posters think people with disabilities shouldn't be allowed out, incase they take up a place on the bus that means they have to fold down their buggy, or make too much noise in a restaurant.

The problem is they don't see a person with disabilities as a person, they see them as an annoyance.*

This attitude really annoys me - who the hell has said any of the above in this thread? The op is concerned about her dd's education and the school clearly cannot cope with the demands of the boy with sn. Nobody's winning, a solution should be found. That's all!

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 13/10/2013 16:50

I cant imagine actually posting this even if I thought it..would be ashamed..strange how some people are gleefully piling in

AlexaChelsea · 13/10/2013 16:50

celia I absolutely agree with you, I am very intolerant of people who think of SN people as an annoyance.

coldwinter · 13/10/2013 16:51

"The big problem round here is that a proportion of posters think people with disabilities shouldn't be allowed out, incase they take up a place on the bus that means they have to fold down their buggy, or make too much noise in a restaurant.

The problem is they don't see a person with disabilities as a person, they see them as an annoyance."

Nope. This boy's neesd are important too. And of course people with disabilities should go out and about. Nobody has said anything different.

But the OP is right to care about her DD too. Why should her DD's education suffer?

CeliaFate · 13/10/2013 16:51

sweetmelissa you've summed it up perfectly.

Twiggy71 · 13/10/2013 16:52

Op your right to have concerns this is your own dd I think you have been unfairly judged here. I hope you get some resolution to the situation you dd is experiencing.

CeliaFate · 13/10/2013 16:52

It's the behaviour that's the annoyance, not because he's a boy with sn. Deal with the behaviour (and I blame the school here if anyone, as they are the ones who should be managing this better) and the boy would be happier, surely?

Penny13 · 13/10/2013 16:52

AlexaChelsea you are very angry and insulting in your posts. Not very tolerant at all.

I agree this is obviously a very sensitive issue but the OP wasn't insulting peoples children she was concerned with her own.

coldwinter · 13/10/2013 16:53

And lets be clear. The OP is not talking about a child who talks or shouts out in some lessons. Or even a child who has a meltdown once a week. The OP is talking about a situation were this child is assaulting other children and the teacher, and disrupting every single day's of teaching.