to think this is very disruptive??

[macdoodle]

I probably am being unreasonable and am prepared to hear it.
My DD1 has just started secondary school, she is in the "more able class" (this is what its called by the school ).
In this class, of about 20 odd, there is a boy with SN. He has an assistant for every lesson, and from what my DD tells me I guess he must have some form of autism.
But every single day, she is coming home with stories of what "X" has done. Thinks like having tantrum, which takes 20mins to calm down disrupting the lesson, shouting at the teacher, grabbing or hitting another child (and once a teacher), throwing all his books and stuff on the floor (numerous occasions), storming out of lessons etc etc.
Now the kids all seem to think this is hysterical (and great fun that almost every lesson is disrupted by "X"), but every day I am a bit , it just sounds very disruptive, and DD is starting to sound more annoyed than thinking its funny.
She does however say that is is clearly very bright indeed.
I know he has just as much right to be taught, but at the cost of disrupting a whole class of children? AIBU?? I can't quite decide TBH, and so far it doesnt appear to be affecting DD1's abilities, but we are only a term in.

Just a note of support to all the parents of children with disabilities, your love for them comes over loud and clear.

TBH I was complacently living in my cosy bubble when the anger of some posters on mumsnet about the treatment of their children with SN caught my eye. I didn't get it at first and thought they they were too aggressive. Then I started to look and listen in RL and read more here. A penny dropped somewhere. I have heard awful things said by my own friends. I challenge that now.

And if a situation arose in my son's class of an obviously distressed child then I hope my response would include compassion for that child, maybe an offer of support to their parents, lots of talk with my son, contacting the school to ask them what was being done to help this child.

Pagwatch says the real problem is shortsightedness, and it is of course - but not simply on the financial side of things. Compassion matters - all our children will rely on others generosity and goodwill in their lives. My son will be less than the person he could be, less happy, with poorer relationships, if he learns to believe he is being disadvantaged by others who are 'different' from him.

It might seem like you are banging your head on a brick wall talking about your child and their disability here - I just wanted to say someone is listening and I am surely not alone.

alwayshome1 your post has said everything I wanted to say just struggled to articulate

having a meltdown, which takes 20mins to calm down (if we're lucky), shouting at the family, throwing all his books and stuff on the floor (numerous occasions), storming out of mealtimes...

I've altered this a bit from the OP as I refuse to type 'tantrum', but that is my son at the moment at home. He is stressed to the hilt and so are we, and his 11-year-old sister, who adores him and with good reason, lives with this shit. She stays awake at night worrying about him.

At least, OP, your daughter leaves it behind at the end of each school day.

Sorry. Not much to the point. But today is one of those days when I just want someone to sweep in and make it all better. Please.

Thanks Polters.
DD is in fact making cake right now to cheer up both her brother and me. She's a star (and would appear to be bringing herself up that way while my attention is elsewhere).

alwayshome1 for you.

this is a situation in which no-one wins.

I am reminded of something Stephen Shore said
"If you've met one person with Autism, you've met one person with Autism"

Agreed. .always feel a bit let down on these threads that no one with NT children speaks out in support so thanks ..means a lot

Fanjo - women with NT children have spoken out in support. Nobody thinks children with SN should have the poor standard of support or education that many currently receive.

As I said upthread, there should be a choice. For some SN children, aminstreaming with good support works brilliantly. And that should always be an option. But some children never do well in mainstream schools. They need a smaller and more specialised environment.

I am mum to a severely autistic boy who spent 3 years in mainstream. I have a slightly different point.

I actually think the law is quite a sensible one in the case mentioned by the OP.

Every child in the UK has a right to a place in mainstream school, whatever their needs or disability ( I am quite proud of our country for that: it is certainly NOT the case in many many other countries, far from it).

However, the education of a child with SEN must not be "disruptive to the efficient education of others"

If it is proving disruptive, as in the OP, the school must take "all reasonable steps" to adjust to the SEN child's needs - this could mean giving him/her a quiet room/desk in times of stress, or a differentiated curriculum, or more training for the TA (often the best starting point)

It is the same principle as - don't just tell the kid in a wheelchair they can't attend the school because of all the stairs, put in a lift to enable them to access the mainstream education which is tbeir right.

However I don't think it is fair for the situation in the OP to go on forever, to the detriment of the rest of the class

That is to place the rights of one child too far above the other 29

When my boy was noisy or disruptive in class, I fully expected him to be taken out so that everyone else could hear the lesson

I also worked (and work) very very hard every hour of every day on his behaviour, such that he can access as much of the world as possible. But he has to learn, eg, to be quiet in the cinema, otherwise it is not fair on everyone else. If he isn't, I take him out. Then he learns to keep quiet, as he wants to watch.

But I think it is good that these issues are debated and I think there have been some very supportive posts on here

.

Yes I meant very few..not none.

My daughter is at special school. .you don't need to tell.me not all children thrive in mainstream :)

I think quite a lot of people with NT children who have spoken out in support (sadly there were also quite a lot of disablist and ignorant people with NT children too).

sick - Our local cinema also has screenings for autistic children and their families, or similar SN. Children can get up and wander around, scream, etc and no one will complain.

X posted..I was addressing coldwinter

Yes coldwinter, i think the autistic screenings are great, but I am a stubborn old one and I want him to learn how to behave in the "normal" cinema, theatre etc

Much of my time I have in mind "how will things be for him when I am dead" and I want to give him as much independence as possible, and teach him to adapt to a mainstream world

Oh and if only every school would put in a lift for the child in the wheelchair. They won't if another school has one and is suitable, as it is not a reasonable adjustment under the Equality Act.

I thought wheelchair access was a must in every public building ? Perhaps only state schools?

sick - If you can get him to do that, I agree it will make his life easier.

sick - Lifts are only required if it is a reasonable adjustment.

Some of the posts on this thread have made me feel sick to my stomach.

It doesn't help that I'm already feeling low after being informed DC2 has been having meltdowns all day (NOT TANTRUMS!!!) because he forgot to bring in his homework. He's also on a last chance at jiu jitsu because he has been disruptive since starting his new school class last month, the change has unsettled him. He's in Y5, I'm dreading the transition to highschool.

I'm sorry my ds causes disruption but what fucking choice do I have? We can't get a statement basically because he is too intelligent and his education isn't suffering, but socially and emotionally he's a wreck. I'd love some help but there isn't any.

DC3 also has autism but she is very quiet and "daydreamy",she hasn't got a friend to her name and she keeps asking me why, but hey, at least she's not disruptive.

DC4 (also ASD) has just started YR1 and it's starting all over again, people are noticing now school has become more formal and less play based.

Where do some of these posters think these special school places are exactly?

Yes coldwinter, i think the autistic screenings are great, but I am a stubborn old one and I want him to learn how to behave in the "normal" cinema, theatre etc

Much of my time I have in mind "how will things be for him when I am dead" and I want to give him as much independence as possible, and teach him to adapt to a mainstream world

I get what you are saying.

But I worry about what my son will be about to do without me 'managing' him.

I don't think everyone with autism is able to 'learn' to just be quiet, so it would be good if people would just learn to accept the presence of people with disabilities and put up with a little bit of inconvenience.