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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I know I am regarding schools, confirm it for me (aka talk sense to me)!

30 replies

pleasethanks · 13/10/2013 15:15

I know I am being unreasonable, so don't hold back. I just need confirmation that I am!

Pfb will be starting school next year. Going to the local primary which is very good. She is at nursery (private childcare) 3 days a week and has made 2 very firm friends. They adore each other. These 2 girls will be going to a private school (the same one). DD won't be because I think the local school is very good (BTW they other children are in the same catchment, but that is not really relevant). But, there is a little bit in the back of my mind that thinks that DD will be split up from her pals, and should I consider the private school.

I know I am being totally unreasonable. I know I am! I want her to go to the local school, but there is just that tiny little voice in my head. Silly I know

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 13/10/2013 15:17

Most kids don't stay best friends with their friends from nursery anyway, and there's no guarantee they'd be put in the same class unless it's a small, 1 form entry.

BeerTricksPotter · 13/10/2013 15:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AlexaChelsea · 13/10/2013 15:22

She will have got over these two girls by about week 2 of school.

Anyway, as they live close, you could maintain the friendships if you wanted?

Original poster
pleasethanks · 13/10/2013 15:24

Thanks all. They do live close and we have a friendship out of nursery with one of the girls, so hope that will continue after nursery.

And I guess DD just has to learn that at different stages in life you have to make new friends and that is no bad thing.

OP posts:
MammaTJ · 13/10/2013 15:26

She will make other friends very quickly, she will soon forget who these other girls are. That could even happen if they all went to the same school.

Finola1step · 13/10/2013 15:28

She'll be fine. And how many thousands of pounds would you be spending so that your dd can be with her two little friends? Let that thought deal with the little niggle in the back of your mind.

My son did go to school with some of his nursery friends. But they are not his main friends now that he's in Year 1

valiumredhead · 13/10/2013 15:29

Kids change their friends approx every 3 weeks imeGrin

exexpat · 13/10/2013 15:32

Do you actually remember the names of anyone you knew at age 4, OP? Sometimes nursery friendships can last through school, but most children make and drop friends regularly throughout school (and later...). Sticking together with new friends is not a good reason to change plans for school.

I think at that age, the biggest factor in whether they will stay friends is how well you get on with the other girls' parents - in other words, are you likely to socialise with them and promote the friendship?

My anecdotes: I am still in touch with a friend from playgroup (aged 2-3) more than 40 years later, but that is because her parents and my parents were friends, so kept us in touch even when her family moved to the other end of the country when we were 7. Likewise, nearly 11yo DD still has a very good friend from nursery and infants school, even though they are now at different schools, because her mother and I are friends. And we are still in touch with her best friend from preschool in Tokyo, even though we are now in the UK and she is in Australia, because her mother and I get on well. We visited them a couple of years ago.

DropYourSword · 13/10/2013 15:32

Making new friends is a life skill she'll need to learn.

But I actually think you just come across as loving and concerned and really not unreasonable at all was hoping for something much juicier after reading your title!!

auntpetunia · 13/10/2013 15:34

My DD didn't go the same primary as her nursery bff and we never kept in contact as her mum had a very set group of friends to which I never belonged. They've just met up at high school and are friends all over again! Didn't do them any harm.

MrsAMerrick · 13/10/2013 15:51

I am still really good friends with someone I was at infants school with, but that is because we went through Senior school together as well. Had she moved to a different school aged 5 I doubt I'd have remembered her after 2 weeks.
My DS2 is still BFF with a child he was at playgroup with, they have never been in the same class at school and since the age of 7 haven't been at the same school as we moved away. They still see each other all the time in the holidays.
DS1 had a BFF (or so he thought) at primary school. they went to the same secondary school, were put in different classes, were both inconsolable an then within a term had made different friendships and never saw each other outside school again!

You DD will be just fine. I suspect you are wobbling about whether you should have chosen the other school.

Original poster
pleasethanks · 13/10/2013 20:26

Thanks all. V helpful. Just what I needed!

I am actually still friends with 2 girls I started playgroup with aged 3. We went through both primary and high school together. Just lucky I guess.

But as you say, just because they aren't at the same school doesn't mean a friendship cannot be maintained. And I think there is a lot to be said for having different friendship groups.

OP posts:
nennypops · 13/10/2013 20:29

DD went to the same school as the girl who was her best friend in nursery, but although they continued to get on OK when they started school, she actually made other friends to whom she was closer, and they stayed her friends to the end of primary school and beyond. You would be furious if you were spending thousands to keep dd with her nursery friends only to discover she was ignoring them within a few weeks of starting in reception.

ICameOnTheJitney · 13/10/2013 20:31

My DD is 9 and still friends with her best friend from nursery...I actually took DD out of her private school aged 6 and they still see one another. They ask...so the girl's parents and I arrange it.

LadyintheRadiator · 13/10/2013 20:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

parakeet · 13/10/2013 21:26

It is GREAT for her that she is now likely to have local friends outside of school as well as in school. When she is falling out with her school friends she will gain solace from her non-school friends and vice versa.

nobutreally · 13/10/2013 21:30

I'm not friends with anyone I knew at nursery or indeed primary school. I am only in vague touch with secondary school mates. I am however, totally normal & have a good friendship circle.
Honest

havatry · 13/10/2013 21:32

Mine had a bf from nursery - they were totally besotted with one another. Then they were put in different classes and she was unceremoniously dumped. She did just fine - they're very adaptable at this age and friendships change overnight. She's had at least 2 bf a year since then. Seriously, don't worry.

Canthaveitall · 13/10/2013 21:34

Don't worry. She will be fine. They are fickle at this age.

TondelayoSchwarzkopf · 13/10/2013 21:36

DS is nearly 5. He couldn't pick the kids who were his best friends at 3 out of a line up Grin

That sounds harsh, but they really do make loads of friends and if the two girls are local then it's easy to stay in touch.

Lonecatwithkitten · 13/10/2013 21:37

My DD had two little girls who she was friends with at nursery they were only four weeks apart in age and had been together from 6months of age. They went to three different schools they all made friends quickly, but at 10 years old when they get together it is lovely to see them.
So they can o to separate schools and still remain close friends.

DIYapprentice · 13/10/2013 21:45

DS1 went to nursery with a few boys which he also went to school with. He doesn't actually play very much with the ones he knew, and plays with others who never used to.

Don't fret too much. There will be lots of new girls who don't know others there, who will be wanting to make friends

BrokenSunglasses · 13/10/2013 21:51

Even if she went to school with her friends you have no guarantee she would remain as good friends with them throughout reception. Send her to the school you want and know that she will be fine.

Budgiegirlbob · 14/10/2013 10:28

Think about how you would feel if you paid the fees for your DD to go to a school that isn't really the one your want for her, and then she fell out with her friends! Kids that age are very fickle, and change friends all the time. She will be fine going to a different school, and will make new friends.

mrsjay · 14/10/2013 10:31

your dds Bffs will change as quickly as you change her socks yes these little people play at nursery but by the time they go to school there is loads of people to play with send her to the school you want to she will make new friends she will be alright