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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU To Have Time Off Work Due To Stress

60 replies

Strumpetron · 12/10/2013 13:21

I'm a manager for the business I work for, and at the moment I'm not coping well at all. I work from 9-5 which is okay but it is extremely fast paced and mentally draining, then I go to college from 6-9:30, I volunteer at weekends and I'm trying to have a home life and do driving lessons too. It's just far too much. I've been to the doctors and he recommends that I drop the voluntary work, and have a bit of time off work.

I know my workplace is very understaffed though and I know it'll put pressure on other people, I'd feel so so guilty.

So AIBU to have the time off, should I just go and get on with it?

OP posts:
MortifiedAdams · 12/10/2013 13:23

Id be dropping the extra comnitments before paid work.

Drop the volunteering. Do you go to.college every evening? If so, can you swap to a part time course so fewer evenings per week but longer length of course?

PrimalLass · 12/10/2013 13:23

I think you should probably drop the non-work stuff first tbh.

spongebob13 · 12/10/2013 13:24

can you drop the volunteer work and put off driving lessons for a while and discuss with work about some help or delegation of some tasks? rather than go out on a cert?

nomorecrumbs · 12/10/2013 13:24

Slow down on your driving lessons, too. Once a week is enough unless you're in a particular rush to get your licence?

Original poster
Strumpetron · 12/10/2013 13:24

I can't drop college, it's already a part time course. I've done a year so far, this is my final year and next year I'll be going to university to study nursing. I honestly wish I could but its the one thing I can't drop, otherwise I've wasted £3,000 and won't get the qualification to move forwards :(

OP posts:
Original poster
Strumpetron · 12/10/2013 13:25

The volunteer work will have to go, and possibly th driving lessons although I'll need them by the time I get to uni.

It's having an effect on my heart the stress you see (probably should have included that int he first post, now I'm drip feeding) I'm tachycardic constantly and have high blood pressure - I'm only 22!

OP posts:
FloozeyLoozey · 12/10/2013 13:26

I won't be popular for saying this, but the thing that always strikes me about people who go off with stress, is the resulting stress for their colleagues who are left to cope while short staffed. I do feel it is a bit selfish. Drop the other stuff first.

Original poster
Strumpetron · 12/10/2013 13:27

Yeah thats my problem FloozeyLoozey, I'm worried about my colleagues and feel they deserve more than that.

OP posts:
spongebob13 · 12/10/2013 13:27

why isn't sitting down with your boss or HR or someone in work to talk about your work load an option???????

BillyBanter · 12/10/2013 13:28

Work and college are most important. That is enough to be getting on with.

Is it work that is stressing you out or just that adding everything together is too much? I'd drop the volunteering and see how you feel.

That said if you spoke to your doc in more detail and he thinks you need time of work then I would go with that as when someone is suffering from stress they are not always in the best place to make decisions like this for themselves.

nomorecrumbs · 12/10/2013 13:29

The worry you have over leaving won't help, so think positively first!

My Mum suffers badly from stress and she struggled to get better while off work because she felt so guilty over not being there. Be selfish and think only of yourself and sort out how much time you have for your priorities.

nomorecrumbs · 12/10/2013 13:29

Plus a GP now can sign you off for a certain time (e.g. 2 weeks) and then recommend a phased return to work, which is ideal if you're over-taxed at the moment.

hermioneweasley · 12/10/2013 13:29

It really pisses me off when people are stressed because of other commitments in their life, but they one they choose to opt out of is the one they're paid for. If you can't cope with work alongside the non work stuff, then the right thing to do is resign, if you're not willing to stop the optional stuff.

BillyBanter · 12/10/2013 13:30

xpost about the tachycardia.

Listen to your doctor.

spongebob13 · 12/10/2013 13:31

it pisses me off more to take a cert rather than be mature and upfront and talk to work first.

Original poster
Strumpetron · 12/10/2013 13:31

BillyBanter it's everything, I come home and cry because my head just is filled and I feel like I'm cracking up - having panic attacks on the way to work because I don't know how I'm going to get through the long day.

Spongebob - Lowering my work load just wont happen. If I'm there, I'll do everything I'm supposed to + more.

Nomorecrumbs - I hope your mum is okay, I never knew how damaging stress could be until it came to me!

OP posts:
spongebob13 · 12/10/2013 13:33

if you explain your medical condition they might. why isn't it an option? seriously?

Original poster
Strumpetron · 12/10/2013 13:34

Hermione - I would happily opt out of college if it was good in the long term. But I'm in a crappy job, and college is the only way I'll get out of it and better myself unfortunately. I'm trying to think of the short and long term, I do understand what you're saying though and you have a point.

OP posts:
ceramicunicorn · 12/10/2013 13:34

Will having time off work actually help in the long run though? Surely as soon as you return the stress levels will be exactly the same again.

NewNameforNewTerm · 12/10/2013 13:34

Stress is crap, poor you. As long as you are not off work so you can fulfil your other commitments I think it is fine to go "off with stress". If you are unwell, you can't help it and you wouldn't feel guilty if it was the flu, so I'm sure your colleagues will be OK. But you are paid to do a job and if you can't do it because of volunteering and college HR will be miffed. It is difficult juggling work and a college course (been there) and it would be very annoying to lose the money you've paid, but can you justify missing work you are contracted to do to keep up with it.

Hope you feel better soon.

Beastofburden · 12/10/2013 13:34

It is just as easy to get an extension for your course as it is to get time off work for stress. Put off Uni for a year.

I do agree that you would be U to drop work before you drop other stuff. Unless you actually go part time and take a PT salary.

Nursing will be stressful too. I think you need to treat this as a trial run for later life. You don't want to fail in your nursing career because you haven't learned to balance you work life and not take on so much outside work.

sparkle101 · 12/10/2013 13:35

Can you let the driving lessons go until this studying is done and then do an intensive course before you start uni, book a couple of weeks off for that time and consider it then. I would also be giving up the voluntary work.

I couldn't take time off sick as they do not pay you first few days and the stress of losing money would add to the stress! Not sure if this applies to you. I would try everything else before taking time off work.

Original poster
Strumpetron · 12/10/2013 13:35

Spongebob - because I myself would not sit there and let other people do my work because 'im not coping'. It wouldn't lessen my stress at all. I'd do exactly the same amount of work.

I know they'd be doing MORE of my work if I'm not there at all, but it's more out of sight out of mind.

But maybe I will do that, just see what they say. Mental health is a bit of a stigma at our place though, it's very much 'get over it' attitude.

Thankyou for your suggestions everyone.

OP posts:
spongebob13 · 12/10/2013 13:36

I would exhaust all other options first and speak with work. that can only be a good thing that you came forward to discuss it along with what doc advised. as someone else said work will still be the same when you come back unless you address it. and you are young ... a cert for "stress" will be on your record. not saying for a minute its not a valid reason but it may sway other potential employers in the future.

Jinsei · 12/10/2013 13:37

You're doing too much, OP. If you can't cope with everything, you need to drop something. If you're not willing to take a break from college, perhaps you need to reduce your hours at work. Or quit.

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